Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott has been placed in a hospital high-dependency ward after it had been diagnosed he is suffering from pneumonia.
Mr Prescott, 36, was taken ill on Saturday whilst travelling by train from Hull to London. He arrived at Kings Cross complaining of "stomach ache", and was at first thought to have been suffering from indigestion after consuming 24 meat pies in the buffet car.
Later tests proved that, although the pies contained dog meat, this did not present a health risk to Mr Prescott, who is able to eat anything on God's earth.
Rumours were rife that Mr Blair's deputy was suffering, not from pneumonia, but from pneujaguar, but this has been denied by the Cabinet office.
The Hull MP is currently recovering at the St Airhead Hospital in the capital with his wife, the lovely Pauline, at his bedside. Doctors there have said he is concious and able to feed himself. Doctor Peter Pukka told journalists:
"Mr Prescott is sitting up in bed. He has had a couple of pies, and is making good progress."
Tracy Temptress, a 'friend' of Mr Prescott, said:
"He is a big fat slug."