The Dalai Lama teleported into Perth, Western Australia yesterday. Swathed in a sheet and with his hands in a frozen clasp, he proceeded to the luxury Burswood Hotel/Casino.
A horse whisperer (HW) from the Northern Free Range, Cow, Sheep and Porker regional newspaper was called in to lip read what the Lama had mouthed continuously on arrival. "He clasped his hands together and was mouthing.. 'I greet you but will not shake, as I do not know if you have washed your hands', I think", said HW Reg Wilson-Pickett.
Two Enlightenments at the Burswood Dome were presented today..
"iPod, Nano", the Dalai Lama started his first Enlightenment with, at the Dome. These are two things we should ALL aspire to. They grow the business apples and created jobs..." He went on with another four hours of Enlightenment, but this reporter drifted into thoughts of Julia (naked).
"Climate Change - Suitable For 2-8 Year Olds..", started the second Enlightenment. "Global warming could be halted in part, if parents taught their children not to light warehouse, school and monster bush fires.." as this reporter headed for the bar to purchase an A$8.00 glass of rare water.
Questioned later why he needed to teleport around and give 'paid for' Enlightenments when he was not even a Celebrity Scientologist? The Lama blamed Richard Gere in part. "He sends me lots of caged happy birds to release, but little bread man", slipping into a Spanish Harlem, NYC, accent. "Richard has a gerbil problem", he said, "No skin off my nose, but when he calls his head gerbil 'Tibet' and stuffs it up his rear end, that's a bit much. Even if it is shaved and in
a soft pouch".
The Dalai Lama will be in Perth until he leaves..
*Bob Dylan is NEXT to appear at the Burswood Dome: Ticket sales open today.