Prehistoric Iceman "Otzi" Murdered

Funny story written by Kilroy

Wednesday, 6 June 2007

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Computer Composite Photo of Suspect

The oldest mummy ever unearthed appears to be the victim of murder. An autopsy reveals that Italy's famed prehistoric iceman "Otzi" died from a shoulder wound inflicted by an arrow. The 5000 year old body was found in the Italian Alps in 1991 wearing clothing made from leather and grasses and carrying a copper axe, a bow and arrows. Robbery does not appear to be the motive.

Using modern X-ray technology, an Italian-Swiss research team concluded the cause of death was a lesion on an artery close to the shoulder, caused by an arrowhead that remains in the iceman's back. Researchers had previously suggested he was killed by a rival hunter after putting up a fight.

"It's obviously premeditated, but there are no defensive wounds since the victim was struck down from behind," said one investigator. The Alps have been cordoned off as a possible crime scene while investigators try to locate clues that might help identify his assailant.

"We are dusting the arrowhead found in his back for possible fingerprints," said the investigator. "It' been a cold case for way too long and we're going to try and develop some leads. Right now, our person of interest is probably a Neanderthal, approximately 5' to 5' 2" with a stocky build. The perpetrator was probably last seen shooting the victim in the back with an arrow, then disappearing down the mountainside." Anyone with information about this crime is encouraged to call Prehistoric Crime Stoppers. You can remain anonymous.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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