Bush and Putin haggle over Arctic oil, gas and diamonds
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Russian President Vlad 'The Impaler' Putin is flying to the US to meet with George Bush this weekend at Kennebunkport, Maine in a bid to shore up a dirty covert deal about their respective imminent raids on the o...
Read full storyLove-tug astronut Lisa Nowak: "Ain't no nappy ho!"
Florida - (Ass Mess): Love-tug NASA astronut Captain Lisa Nowak has vehemently denied being a "nappy ho" in court today despite police claims that she drove 1000 miles to accost her rival dressed only in a NASA-issue diaper.
Read full storyClint Eastwood honored for shooting up LA
HOLLYWOOD(Calf.)-- Legendary actor/producer/director Clint Eastwood was honored at this year's Los Angeles Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Film Festival Award Ceremony.
Read full storyGordon Brown's amnesty frees prisoners with £200 spending money
Drowning Street - (Ass Mess): In a fit of unprecedented compassionate largesse newly installed UK Prime Monster Gordon Brown has freed all British prisoners and sent them home with "two hundred quid each" in their pockets to spend on beer,...
Read full storyKate Middleton latest suspect in London bombing plot
London - (Rotters): Having failed the Buckingham Palace virginity test and been snubbed as too common for a possible future royal bride, Kate Middleton is today the prime suspect behind two gas and nail bombs that police managed to thwart outside a L...
Read full storyTV presenter sets fire to Paris Hilton
New York - (Ass Mess): TV anchorwoman Mika Brzezinski, co-presenter of MSNBC's Morning Joe programme, finally spoke up for the millions of ordinary, dumb-struck American viewers and set Paris Hilton on fire on live TV.
Read full storyBrown's Government of Talents
True to his word Prime Minister Brown has selected a government of all the talents. Following his announcement of his cabinet yesterday PM Brown detailed released details of his junior ministers. Appointment included people such as Digby Jones former...
Read full storyScotland Yard - Car Bomb Inside Job
London - In a rare candid move Scotland Yard has announced that the Mercedes found to be packed with explosives was actually an inside job designed to make the new Prime Minister continue to waste thousands of millions of dollars and ponds on the pho...
Read full storyParis Hilton Becomes Mormon -- Marries Paparazzi
LOS ANGELES (LAX) -- In a shock development late today, Paris Hilton, 26, married 482 of the leading paparazzi stalkers in Hollywood, much to the delight of boarding and disembarking airline passengers.
Read full storyGreen Lobby Causes Economic Hardship
Earth friendly lobbyists and worldwide measures to reduce the effects of greenhouse gases are leading to complete economic ruin.
Read full storyDobbs Slips
C.N.N. Immigration expert Lou Dobbs was injured last night when he slipped on a Re Fried Bean twisting his ankle in the Process/...
Read full storyLarry King Has Tough Questions for McCartney, Ono, Harrison and Starr
APE Line - On Larry King live this week, an historic event occurred when former Beatles Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, and wives of John Lennon and George Harrison, Yoko Ono and Olivia Harrison respectively.
Read full storyMSNBC Anchor Mika Brzezinski Goes Berserk On Air Over Paris
MSNBC - Morning Joe (On Air) - A sour looking Mika Brzezinski started her newscast by saying she had an apology, regarding the lead story. "I didn't choose it" she said, and went on, "No, I hate this story and I don't think it should be released.." Her co-anchor then jumped in to say she should make her own story.
Read full storyChupacabra wins World's Ugliest Dog title; taken by authorities to National Achieves, not Area 51 for study
Washington, D.C. - Officials at the Marin-Sonoma County Fair confirmed they mistakenly awarded a Chupacabra by the name of "Elwood" the title of the World's Ugliest Dog at last Friday's competition. Fair ground officials contacted t...
Read full storyThe RNC Changes Its Name to the Corrupt Bastards Club
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - The RNC has now officially changed its name to the Corrupt Bastards Club. Having so many members thrown in jail in Alaska due to their corruption, being exposed by undercover TheSpoof.com writer, Gnarly Erik, the...
Read full storyBig Brother Chanelle To Replace Posh In Spice Girls Reunion
After initial reports hinted that the Spice Girls were now broke, there was more news today on their unfortunate reunion when it emerged that Chanelle, the Posh Spice lookalike from the current
Read full storyLondon Bomb Does Not Explode - Heard Miles Away
Police were called at 2am after a bomb in London did not explode and was heard many, many miles away in Manchester. Scotland Yard said detectives were investigating how the bomb came to be heard so many miles away when it never even exploded.
Read full storyBilly Bob Outraged at Papal Decision
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - West Virginia - Yesterday, Billy Bob Bush logged onto TheSpoof.com and read the article, Catholic bishops of England and Wales demanded human ri...
Read full storyPremier Football Star Naked Pin-Up
Eager to replicate the massive success of his former team mate David Beckham, Manchester United Football Club's Ji-sung Park has turned to a lucrative modelling career to augment his already fabulous income.
Read full storyDick Cheney Sells His Castle to Pay His Lawyers
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Romania - Dick Cheney, expecting the worst from the new Congress, is selling his castle. The castle once belonged to Vlad the Impaler, and is known as Dr...
Read full storyHenman Hill To Be Flattened After Wimbledon
Henman Hill, the unsightly mound of earth in the grounds of the All England Club where the Wimbledon Tennis Championships are held each year, is to be bulldozed after the current tournament is over.
Read full storyCar bomb terror for Brown
Scotland Yard detectives were following up leads to the identity of the terrorists responsible for the car bomb that was defused by the bomb squad in London's West End in the early hours of this morning.
Read full storyEx Ground Force Presenter Responsible for Suspected London Car Bomb
The world was only slightly shocked to hear today that this morning's suspected terrorism alert was caused by Ex Ground Force handyman Tommy Walsh.
Read full storyLondon Councils In Bidding War
London Councils keen to increase their monopoly on parking revenues have entered into a bidding war for each others streets.
Read full storyThe Simpsons Causes Eye Cancer
The Longest Running Animated Comedy the Simpsons has been causing eye cancer for over 10 years!...
Read full storyBishkek Reveals New Tourism Slogan
Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan - Officials in the Kyrgyzstan capital of Bishkek have announced their latest slogan derived from a pro-tourism advertising campaign that solicited inputs from the general public.
Read full storyWealthy Befriend Destitute - New Beanie Baby in the Works
Montecito, California (Journal Staff Writer) - Sister Cities International (a nonprofit organization that fosters relationships between communities around the world) has announced that one of the poorest cities in the world, the Bolivian city of Poto...
Read full storyHull City And The Curse Of Death
Championship side Hull City have lost out at the eleventh hour in an audacious bid to bring the Brazilian World Cup football star Juninho to their KC Stadium - due to an ANCIENT CURSE. The deadly curse is thought to be one that affects 'once decen...
Read full storyWacko Jacko to sing with the Spice Girls
Tokyo (Hair-force barbers): It's official, Michelle Jackson , aka Miss Saudi Arabia-1956, is going to perform in the reunion concert of the "lice girls" in Tokyo this y...
Read full storyFBI and CIA behind Ron Paul Media Blackout
ABS News Agency June 28, 2007 - Anonymous FBI sources confirmed today that they and the CIA are behind the media blackout on 2008 Presidential candidate Congressman Ron Paul. When contacted, a CIA spokesperson explained that they could neither confi...
Read full storySpongeBob Square Pants: Never Gonna Go Nude
Universal studios (Hollywood): Teenage heart throb Spongebob Squarepants is all set to lose 10 pounds for his next multi-million dollar movie, "Spongebob Squarepants and the attack of the circular lingerie". Says Spongebob, "it's not that tough a job you know, all i gotta do is get rinsed by somebody".
Read full storyTyra Banks Loves Her Vagina
Talk show host Tyra Banks has always done show topics that are close to her heart. From childhood obesity to teenage molestation Tyra has been through it all, just ask her.
Read full storyAliens Have Vaginas
Studies conducted on the International Space Station have revealed that aliens do indeed have vaginas. Not only do they have vaginas, they have spectacular, illuminated, steamy, pulsating, vibrating, suprisingly friendly vaginas.
Read full storySafety First in School Cookery Class
The story is becoming well worn in parts of the rural U.S. Some idiot without a clue was trying some home cooking and blew up their meth lab. Now some schools are trying to put an end to it, by teaching safe meth techniques.
Read full storyAmerican Pie producers announce new venture
After the great success of "American Pie" and the never-ending string of sequels, producers have announced the up coming, "Square Pie." The new movie is intended for a more "square" audience, those who are not amused by...
Read full storyFlying "W" Joins Fight
The White House has promoted Dick Cheney to "Acting President" while "W" enters the Iraq war as a fighter pilot.
Read full storyNew and Improved "Super-Botox" Recall
If Botox is what you need to get rid of those lines and wrinkles then Super-Botox with three times the power should be even better. Not necessarily! The new product was recalled yesterday after users' faces were pulled so tight they had to be tr...
Read full storyDune Fremen Unhappy on Earth
After being evacuated from their doomed home planet, Arrakis, the Fremen of Dune fame are not adjusting well to their new lives as Kentucky race horse beeders. It appears they can't distinguish a horse from a mule.
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