The world was only slightly shocked to hear today that this morning's suspected terrorism alert was caused by Ex Ground Force handyman Tommy Walsh.
The Mercedes car found this morning was packed with gas cannisters and nails, and was reported by an ambulance crew treating another incident at the nearby Tiger Tiger club.
Smoke was seen coming out of the car stationed close to Piccadilly and eyewitnesses reported seeing a man of "dark complexion" leaving the scene in a hurry.
Scotland Yard initially feared it was a failed terrorism attack, but an ashen faced Walsh turned himself in to authorities at an undisclosed London police station later that day.
A spokesman for Walsh gave this statement:
"Mr Walsh apologises for the trouble he has caused by his actions last night, however he insists the entire incident was an accident. Mr Walsh was simply using the nails and gas found in the car to construct a fence and supply his shed on his allotment with gas power. He nipped into London city centre to buy the Prada Nails and Gucci Calor Gas his lifestyle can afford, when he accidentally spilled his cup of bovril onto his lap and smashed the car into the wall of the club. Mr Walsh apologises unreservedly for his actions after the incident and realises he should have stayed at the scene of the crime to alert authorities."
When quizzed on why eyewitnesses would have spotted a man of dark complexion leaving the scene, a solemn looking Walsh appeared from the police station and the reason was seen for all to snigger at, he simply had a very muddy face from a hard day's toiling on his allotment.
Co-presenter Alan Titchmarsh had these words for his former colleague:
"I knew he'd end up in a situation like this ever since he crashed the BBC mower into a hedgerow that looked suspiciously like the world trade centre."
