Written by queen mudder

Friday, 29 June 2007

image for Bush and Putin haggle over Arctic oil, gas and diamonds
George Bush and Vlad 'The Impaler' Putin are doing the dirty this weekend

Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Russian President Vlad 'The Impaler' Putin is flying to the US to meet with George Bush this weekend at Kennebunkport, Maine in a bid to shore up a dirty covert deal about their respective imminent raids on the oil, gas and diamond wealth in the Arctic.

Both men haven't had legal hope in hell of annexing or claiming any portion of the frozen continent because the UN has consistently threatened sanctions against any attempt to "rape or pillage the frozen continent".

And numerous UN Security Council sessions have barred both Bush and Putin from tampering with the area due to their involvement in organised crime cartels.

But in secret deals negotiated during the recent G8 summit in Germany the two men have vowed to defy UN Security Council's resolutions which bar them from plundering the region by claiming conventions were drawn up "under duress" and are thus void.

Legal rights to the Arctic belong to countries ringing the region such as Russia, Canada, USA, Norway, Denmark and Greenland who have to abide by UN rules limiting them to a 200 mile wide economic zone around their coasts.

But Putin has said this is unfair because the Arctic lies on a shelf that is part of the old Soviet Union and so must now belong to Russia.

And in the broadest hint yet the old ex-KGB warhorse has warned that his country's testing of the latest ballistic missile this week could be extended to include foreign targets if he does not get his way in sending in the diggers.

George Bush has always been very gung-ho about the project but has delayed interferring in the Arctic because of the UN Security Council resolutions which have personally barred him on eight occasions since 1980 from so much as stepping inside the arctic circle.

Dick Cheney told him this week, however, that seeing as he is the US president, the UN rules may no longer apply to him, so to hell with the ban.

Geologically Canada and Greenland have the strongest geo-physical claims to mining the region. But attempts to subborn both countries into relinquishing their Arctic rights have failed miserably over the years.

Technically, Canada belongs to the British Sovereign and Greenland historically loathes and detests the Bush family.

"It may take another WHore on Terra for these two to get a toehold in the Arctic," NATO sources said today.

"Of course, if they could prove the region was overrun by Taleban or other undesriables, the situation could prove very promising."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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