Drowning Street - (Ass Mess): In a fit of unprecedented compassionate largesse newly installed UK Prime Monster Gordon Brown has freed all British prisoners and sent them home with "two hundred quid each" in their pockets to spend on beer, cocaine, prostitutes and copies of the Tribune Magazine, the official organ of the New Labour Party.
Up to 25,000 inmates were released into the wild this morning and told never to come back to their former places of incarceration.
Most of today's released cons were described as sex predators, child molestors, mass murderers, aficionados of drive-by shootings, crack cocaine barons, serial rapists and admirers of Jeffrey Archer.
The move was welcomed by newly appointed Home Secretary jackie Smith who said that "prison is no place for these cons" before insisting that the £200 hand-outs were "peanuts" compared to her daily expense account at Harrods Food Hall.
It is not known if any of the released inmates will be tagged or whether they will just be reclassified now by the Prison service as potential Labour Party election fund lenders.
Gordon Brown is totally bonkers.