After initial reports hinted that the Spice Girls were now broke, there was more news today on their unfortunate reunion when it emerged that Chanelle, the Posh Spice lookalike from the current Big Brother show, is to replace the rich celebrity in the band. She will be known as Chanelle Spice.
Chanelle, from Leeds, cannot sing, but that, say music critics, is of no relevance as long as she looks good. This, they say, was the very essence of the original Spice Girls, as well as their wankability.
The other members of the band have said they will help to bring Chanelle up-to-scratch, and to help her achieve the same singing ability of the real Posh Spice, footballer's wife Victoria Beckham. This process is expected to take 2-3 days.
Geri Halliwell, or Ginger Spice, now suffers from gingivitis, and is a noted exponent of 'bagladyism' in Watford from where she hails. She has less cash to her name than a tramp the day before he signs on the dole.
Mel C, the zit-faced northern slapper who wears the 'little tops' and tracksuits, is massively in debt to the tune of £35,000 say neighbours on Merseyside.
"She never pays her gas bills", said Hettie Slagg who lives " a few doors down".
Melanie Brown, or Scary Spice as she was previously known, has been working as a dancer in Blackpool, and growing her breasts. She can't sing, but, as with Chanelle Spice, this isn't thought to be a problem.
The Spice Girls haven't bothered to write any new songs, guessing correctly that trotting-out the old ones will be enough to summon up once more vast amounts of that much sought-after commodity, Girl Power.
Not ones to pass up an opportunity to be ironic, organisers of the Spice Girls tour say it will kick off on 7 December 2007 in Los Angeles.
