2007: Dumbest year on record
WASHINGTON (Rooters) - A vast swath of the United States was dumber than usual this year, leading to severe idiotic conditions in Texas, the Lone Star state, stood alone.
Read full storyAnna Rawson named as a cheater by Former Sentor George Mitchell with Performance-Enhancing Boob
New York, USA - Anna Rawson an up and coming Professional golfer for the LPGA has just announced from her myspace page is that she has just been identified by former Sen. George Mitchell.
Read full storyHouse votes to outlaw CIA water skiing
WASHINGTON (Rooters) - Defying a White House veto threat, the U.S. House of Representatives voted on Thursday to outlaw harsh water skiing methods, such as simulated drowning, that the CIA has used against suspected terrorists.
Read full storyMoney Makes The World Go Around; Scientist Makes Shock Earth's Cash Core Discovery!
Contrary to all previous scientific evidence and indeed, all reason, the earth, it has been discovered, truly is powered by monetary force.
Read full storyConversation Turns Kinda Gay
New York - During a recent viewing of "Ocean's 13" A discussion between friends became very awkward when Manhattan resident Mike Gifford said some very gay things about one of the film's stars, actor and good will ambassador Brad Pi...
Read full storyNational Gay Day Announced
April 1 is to be the UK's first National Gay Day. The new public holiday has been announced by the Days Off and Sickies Committee of the Government's Environment Agency.
Read full storyPrince Philip's Letters to Diana
Private letters from Prince Philip to Diana, Princess of Wales have been revealed at her inquest. In them Prince Philip has demonstrated that, far from being her adversary he was in fact her greatest fan and they have been described as the most intim...
Read full storySun Myung Moon's Influence in White House Revealed
In 1968...when George W. Bush claimed he was serving in the U.S. National Guard ... he was actually in Buenos Aires, selling flowers and distributing literature for the Unification Church, led by Rev. Sun Myung Moon ... according to a newly released...
Read full storyLong line outside lesbian Gynecologist office
A female werewolf covered in hair and with a shaggy tail works as a Gynecologist in a medical office. After barking at the moon that she saw on her patients behind, she proceeded to tell her patient this joke in a satirical manner:...
Read full storyFootball Rules
New rules are to be introduced to football to endorse fair play. FIFA drafted an idea based on a dream.
Read full storyHitler/Mitford love child spawned Whore on Terra's Poodle Brothers
London - (Fascist Mess): UK broadsheets are abuzz with the news that British socialite and fascist fellater Unity Mitford gave birth to a love-child by Adolf Hitler who then went on to spawn the Whore on Terra's notorious Poodle Brothers...
Read full storyGeminid Meteor Shower to be Used as Weapon by US Military
Washinton DC (IPP) - The Pentagon has announced that the Geminid Meteor shower will be used as a weapon against the Taliban on Thursday and Friday when the meteor shower reaches its peak.
Read full storyNorthern Lights Banned in Alaska
Juneau, Alaska, (IPP) - The Alaska state legislature has unanimously passed an ordinance prohibiting the display of the northern lights over the state of Alaska.
Read full storyBill Clinton: First Gentleman of the US
Washington DC --- If Hillary Clinton is elected President of the United States then it will be the first time the President of the United States has ever had a husband. Tradition states that the wife of the President should be called the First Lady,...
Read full storySanta Uproar: Stop the Sexism
Washington USA -- "Stop the Sexism," chanted a group of Women from the National Organization of Angry Women (NOAW)protesting the gender of Santa Claus. The women's group has been increasingly angry that 'a fat old man' can gar...
Read full storyAl Gore, George Bush Square Off In Oval Office
Bush and Gore squared off in the Oval office during the Nobel Laureates tea. Like a sugar rush to a diabetic, Bush began hyperventilating in a room filled with the nation's brains; his stance wobbly. A code blue alert was announced.
Read full storyBush Putin Breakup
No one saw the Putin, Bush breakup coming. After Bush confessed to looking into Putin's blue eyes and seeing that he could do business with the guy, it was like a done deal, a pronouncement at the alter. The world took a breather: perestroika and...
Read full storyGeorge Mitchell reports on steroid use: "Doing drugs beats the crap out of playing baseball"
BOSTON - After 20 months of sniffing around the fetid locker rooms of major league baseball, George Mitchell did more than just uncover the use of steroids among some of baseball's greatest star players.
Read full storyBelieve it or not!
This is something that happened sometime ago in my native village in the southern state of India. It may sound very uncanny, but it is true. Believe it or not this is exactly what happened and I have still not been able to come over it.
Read full storyDog that ate CIA videos punished with "extreme techniques"
The CIA has announced that Cerberus, the guard dog at the organization's archives unit in Langley, Virginia who ate the videos of terror suspect interrogations, has been punished and "will probably not destroy any more really important recor...
Read full storyKing Arrested Amid 'Fake Death' Suspicions
Elvis Presley has been arrested this morning after handing himself into a Memphis Police station last Friday. At the time of his re-appearance Presley appeared to be in a state of mental clarity but claimed to have no memory...
Read full storyBritish Honeymoon Couple Flog Each Other In Sudan
(Dec 2 - Africa correspondent) A British couple in Sudan for their honeymoon, have become embroiled in the Gillian Gibbons Sudanese Mohammed the Teddy Bear War, and have asked for assistance from the British...
Read full storyAnnapolis: An After-shave lotion
A leading company from Maryland, that produces creams, lotions and other chemicals to refresh faces after heavy shave with B-52 laser jets, announced here in Washington today in a product promotion ceremony, that the company has introduced a new loti...
Read full storyMuslim Woman Stoned For Slagging Off Scottish Footballer
A Muslim woman in Glasgow has been arrested and stoned after it was alleged she insulted and demonized the ex-Rangers and Celtic player Mohammed Johnston.
Read full storyRicky Hatton Returns To Ring Against Local Bloke
Ricky Hatton, the battling British Bulldog bruised, beaten and battered by better boxer American Floyd Mayweather at the weekend, has insisted he will not retire, and has stated his intention to return to the ring in...
Read full storySudanese Extremists Vow To "Make Britain Pay"
A group of Muslims, angry at the leniency shown to Gillian Gibbons, the 54-year-old English teacher found guilty of taking the name of some prophet bloke in vain, have promised to ta...
Read full storyEnglish Teacher Was MI5 Spy Trying To Bring Down Islam
Gillian Gibbons, the English teacher jailed in Sudan for calling a Teddy Bear 'Mohammed', was actually an MI5 agent on a mission to undermine the confidence children have in Islam, Sudanese a...
Read full storyKhartoum Riot Police Arrest Bear
A teddy bear is due to appear in a Sudanese court today charged with insulting Islam. If convicted it faces imprisonment and public flogging.
Read full storyJack Frost Named U.K's Biggest Serial Killer
Infamous Jack Frost has been named by the Metropolitan police as the U.K's most prolific serial killer. Frost is thought to be responsible for the deaths of 164,082 pensioners and 156,098 homeless people over the last five years.
Read full storyJordan's Musky Smell Outsells Jade Goody, Kate Moss, Kylie et al
Katie Price aka Jordan was laughing all the way to the bank after her new "Twin Peaks Musk" Perfume topped the Christmas sales charts this week.
Read full storyItaliano
Have you ever been accosted by a tourist, in a busy street like Oxford Street, obstructing pedestrians' path? I've been. By a woman, and a man, piggy-packing a boy with a swollen cheek as large as a half cantaloupe.
Read full storyBrokeback Mountain toy camping set recalled due to possible franks and beans choking hazard
Hollywood, California - According to the FDA, small franks and beans accessory parts from the toy Cowboy action figure camping set can become detached and lodged in the throat, presenting a possible choking hazard.
Read full storyGen. Kiyani takes over Prez. Musharraf in military coup
LaWhore, PaKiss(MyAss)tan : In an unprecedented turn of events, newly appointed General Ashfaq Kiyani has taken over as the new President of Pakistan by effecting a bloodless military coup against the freshly seated Pervez Musharraf.
Read full storyComet Blackshear Created by Discoverer
Molena, Georgia (IPP) - Military personnel manning the NORAD missile defense system have announced that the comet discovered by astronomer David Blackshear was actually the first man made comet in history.
Read full storyHolidays Not A Joyous Occasion For Rejects, Losers
MINNEAPOLIS, MN - For many, the holiday season is a festive occasion full of revelry and joy, but for losers and rejects, the holidays can be a banquet of pain and misery.
Read full storyGeminid Meteors Planted in Ground Grow Into Trees
Mexico City, Mexico (IPP) - Mexican scientists recently used surplus C-130 planes to drag meteor catching nets through the upper atmosphere.
Read full storyMars Sees Return of Canals After 200 Years
Pasadena, California (IP)- Scientists at the Jet Propulsion Lab (JPL) were puzzled when both of their rovers on the the Martian surface came to a sudden stand still. Their cameras showed nothing but a blurry green mass.
Read full story2 Girls 1 Cup, New Flavor Spices Up Product Line
A new scat web site has exploded across the Internet the last couple of weeks. The site has been getting millions of hit because of it's highly controversial and unusual gourmet food content.
Read full storyPakistan, United States Covert Trade Agreement Collapses
Medea Benjamin and Tighe Barry, Code Pink malcontents, were arrested at gunpoint and detained this past week. Even though there was nothing out of the ordinary with their method of operation of disrupting the government while believing their antics w...
Read full storyNew Comet Discovered by Astronomer David Blackshear
Molena, Georgia (IP) - Inventor and Astronomer David Blackshear discovered Comet 17e2007 and the comet was named Comet Blackshear 2007 by the International Astronomical Union (IAU).
Read full storyGeminid Meteor Shower Cancelled
Mount Palomar, California (IP) - The Geminid meteor shower that was scheduled for December 13th, and 14th has been cancelled.
Read full storySuper Bowl Predictions Issued By Political Candidates
Political candidates for the office of The President of The United States from both parties issued their predictions on which teams would go to the Super Bowl today. While some admitted to not being the greatest of sports fans, all were eager to sup...
Read full storyGiuliani Clinton Ticket Announced
New York City, New York (IP) - Rudy Guliani and Hillary Clinton made history this afternoon when they stunned reporters and the rest of the world with their announcement that they would run together for President and Vice President of the United Stat...
Read full storyAll Mayberry Turns Out For Reading of Aunt Bee's Will
(Exclusive from the Mayberry Gazette) One week after one of the largest funerals in the history of Mayberry, North Carolina, most of the town turned out for the reading of Beatrice (Aunt Bee) Taylor's will. The reading was done at the high scho...
Read full storyFunny Bone Degeneration Due To Loss of New Humor
Doctors and researchers at the Mayo Clinic have blamed the recent degenerative disease affecting funny bones on the Hollywood writer's (WGA) strike and the shut down of The Spoof website. Sufferers of the condition find that they can bang their...
Read full storyMel Gibson explains the true meaning of Chanukah
Actor/director Mel Gibson recently saw his career go into free-fall as the result of his embarrassing anti-Semitic rant during his arrest for drunk driving. As part of the subsequent damage control, Mel checked himself into a rehab clinic.
Read full storyBush Pounds Podium, Issues Threat
In a speech delivered from the Oval Office today, President George W. Bush pounded the podium in front of him and threatened to hold his breath until his face turned blue if Congress doesn't give him all the money he wants for the war in Iraq.
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