Infamous Jack Frost has been named by the Metropolitan police as the U.K's most prolific serial killer. Frost is thought to be responsible for the deaths of 164,082 pensioners and 156,098 homeless people over the last five years.
The Metropolitan police have warned that they expect him to strike again this Winter. They have released photofit posters of the killer and warned the public not to approach him without gloves, hat and where possible, a two-bar gas fire.
Prime Minister Gordon Brown today laughed off allegations that Frost is no nearer to being apprehended than he was more than fifty years ago. "There is no Jack Frost," he stated," Britains pensioners are all warm and happy, they are all made aware of how to line the back of their radiators with tin foil to eke out the "cold weather allowance."
When questioned about Frost preying on vulnerable homeless people Brown denied their existence, stating, " If they weren't on the disc they don't exist" and adding that "your mum makes those patterns on your windows in ice, not Jack Frost."
It seems Jack Frost - not to be confused with Jack Straw, Lord Chancellor and Secretary of State for Justice and also a game with sticks - will remain at large for the forseeable future.
