Pakistan, United States Covert Trade Agreement Collapses

Funny story written by jim byrd

Thursday, 13 December 2007

image for Pakistan, United States Covert Trade Agreement Collapses
Musharraf and Bush Seal the Deal

Medea Benjamin and Tighe Barry, Code Pink malcontents, were arrested at gunpoint and detained this past week. Even though there was nothing out of the ordinary with their method of operation of disrupting the government while believing their antics will further the cause of their domestic terrorist organization--they have gone from a domestic terrorist organization to an international organization by demonstrating their inanity in Pakistan.

Pakistan police arrested the pink pair in Lahore, Pakistan while they were protesting martial law in Pakistan and the dismissal of Supreme Court judges.

The Code Pink activists are arrested on a regular basis in the United States for their dramatic and disruptively bizarre tactics during congressional hearings. This past October, a Code Pink activist was arrested after rushing up to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and with bloody hands screaming "war criminal".

After their arrests and interrogation, their visas were revoked and they were forcibly and immediately deported from Pakistan. While physically being put onto an aircraft, they both were heard shouting, "is this all you got"?

Immediately after their plane touched down in Acuña, Mexico along with 172 Pakistan nationals and a few furtive characters named Al, they made the 8 mile trek to the U.S. border and scurried across. When the Code Pinkers asked their traveling companions why they landed in Mexico rather than the United States, they explained crossing the border illegally was much quicker and easier than going through airport security.

Feeling as though they were not sufficiently humiliated enough in Pakistan, they made their way to Washington D.C. for some handy work. Upon arrival they immediately went to work disrupting the Senate Foreign Relations Committee hearing that was in progress. They interrupted the testimony of Richard Boucher. Boucher is the assistant Secretary of State for South and Central Asian affairs.

The U.S. Capital Police once again were forced to remove the Code Pink trooper, Tighe Barry, from the hearings. Tighe Barry, a male?, is a member of the feminist group Code Pink who dress in outrageous pink costumes and cause chaos as their chosen vocation.

The arrests have opened up a salvo of accusations and finger pointing between the U.S. and Pakistan. It appears that the Code Pink arrests and deportation back to the United States revealed a byzantine, multi layer trade plan of such magnitude it would rival the Iran Contra scandal.

According to an addled official in the foreign affairs department of Pakistan, speaking with anonymity, the U.S. and Pakistan orchestrated the martial law that Musharraf enacted. It was part of a bigger scheme between Musharraf and Bush--covertly called "operation ethic cleansing".

Phase one of the plan was to lure the Code Pink operatives over there. Incarcerate them in jail cells adorned with Christmas decorations including a fully decorated Christmas tree--a la Norman Rockwell. They would then force them, at gunpoint if necessary, to sing Christmas carols. This was to be filmed and distributed on youtube.

Phase two of the stratagem would see the ACLU become agitated and whipped into such a frenzy by witnessing an American being subjected to a Christmas scene, they would be left with no choice but to travel to a foreign country and challenge the morality of the Pakistani legal system. Once there, their U.S. passports would be confiscated and they would be forced to clerk for the new Pakistani Supreme Court justices.

Phase three would see the ACLU lawyers need for expediency, and force them to call on their global warming friends to use their private jets to hasten their arrival to Pakistan. The Pakistani government would confiscate the fleet of private jets detain and ground them for 2 years or until the earths temperature drops 2 degrees or whichever comes first. Government climatologists have purported that for every six months the fleet of global warmers is grounded the earth's temperature will drop approximately 1/2 a degree.

In trade for the Code Pinkers , the ACLU attorneys and the jets, the U.S. would receive 50 Pakistani nationals for every ACLU attorney detained and 3 Pakistani nationals for every Code Pink detained. The trade deal also requires that the Pakistani nationals can not be less than a tier 2, of a 4 tiered Pakistani government rating system for convenience store managers and taxi drivers.

The Code Pinkers were presented with their quarters inclusive with its myriad Christmas milieu. It was at this juncture of the trade scheme that the plan started its rapid descent towards international manifestation. In a purely defensive and instinctive reaction, the Code Pinkers started their unpalatable shrieking and caterwauling at decibels intolerable to humans and select canines. When it became apparent that even the architects of Pakistani martial law were not equipped to competently handle the Code Pinkers and consequently the much more opprobriously ACLU, they were left with no other choice other than to abort their trade agreement with the U.S. regardless of the consequences.

A spokesperson, speaking on behalf of the United States Department of State and the Department of Commerce, was forced to react to Pakistan's now public manifestation of the secret trade agreement, castigated the Pakistani government for defaulting on a binding trade agreement that would have benefited both countries in short and long term. "A deal is a deal," she stated.

As the venomous rhetoric between the two countries escalated, the Pakistani government stated that they believe the risks associated with detaining the Code Pinks and ACLU were downplayed by the U.S. government.

The State Department fired back by accusing the Pakistanis of not fully understanding the arrangement. "Theriegovernment was never at risk from the Code Pink or the ACLU," said the spokesperson for State Department. When pressed for elaboration, she said, "Their government and its Constitution were never in any danger by the ACLU or the Code Pinkers because they have the mechanisms of intolerance to prevent it, whereas we have become vulnerable in that area".

When pressed as to why the United States would enter into such a bird-brained trade agreement with Pakistan, the State Department issued the following statement: The trade agreement with Pakistan, code named, "operation ethic cleansing" was to have brought more continuity to the convenience store industry and the for-fee transportation industry. The U.S. also hoped that by having Pakistan detain Code Pink and a large portion of the ACLU attorneys it would give the legislative branch and the federal court system along with the Constitution a much needed break. The agreement would also give the ACLU attorneys a formal education as to what a living, breathing and evolving Constitution would be like as opposed to one in a static state.

After four days of volatile negotiations, the Pakistani government, wanting to end the quagmire, used an old OPEC trick. They threatened to cut back, by 50%, all exports of taxi drivers, convenience store managers and low end hotel managers to the U.S. Also to seal the deal they threatened to put a moratorium on the use of customer service reps within Pakistan including but not limited to Dell, Citibank, American Express and Hewlett Packer.

The United States, realizing the economic impact of Pakistan's threat and the paralyzing fear of seeming intolerant, reluctantly agreed to back out of "Operation Ethic Cleansing"and to continue with the same foreign policy that the U.S. has used in the past - giving billions of dollars in aid, purchasing their goods and getting nothing in return.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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