Super Bowl Predictions Issued By Political Candidates

Funny story written by Jalapenoman

Thursday, 13 December 2007

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Who will make this year's Super Bowl? Don't ask the candidates.

Political candidates for the office of The President of The United States from both parties issued their predictions on which teams would go to the Super Bowl today. While some admitted to not being the greatest of sports fans, all were eager to support the team from their home state (or the area that they were campaigning in at the moment).

Democratic front runner Hillary Clinton thought that the New York Yankees would probably play against the Boston Celtics because "one of the two of those teams has historically won it all." When told that these were, respectively, a baseball and basketball team and the Super Bowl was for football, she replied "so which one is that?"

Illinois Senator Barrack Obama was quick to choose his Chicago Bears and the Dolphins (he was campaigning at a AARP convention in Miami Beach). When told that the Dolphins had yet to win a game, he quickly asked his campaign manager where he was speaking at the next day. He changed his answer to "The New Orleans Saints" (another impossible team as they are in the same conference as the Bears).

Senator John Edwards answered that "when I was growing up as a poor white child in the south, we couldn't afford a football. In fact, because I was the smallest child in the neighborhood, they used me as the football. That's why my program to help the poor and underpriv......"

Governor Bill Richardson responded by saying that "I was drafted by teams in the old AFL and NFL. I think that I'd have to support the teams that drafted me...the Dallas Texans and the Los Angeles Rams." When told that these teams were now, respectively, the Kansas City Chiefs and the St. Louis Rams, and reminded that he had never been drafted in football (he has always lied that he was drafted in baseball), Richardson had no comment.

On the Republican side, projections were little better.

Mike Huckabee, Governor of Arkansas, selected the University of Arkansas Razorbacks and Arkansas-Little Rock to play in the big game. When told that these were college, and not professional, teams, Huckabee was upset. "What do you mean they're not professional? I've given those players enough money and cars over the years that they sure are professional."

Rudy Giuliani, former Mayor of New York, quickly answered that the New York Giants and New York Jets would probably be in the big game this year. When told that the Jets were mathematically eliminated from even reaching the playoffs, he quicly asked which teams Hillary Clinton had picked.

Mitt Romney, Governor of Massachusetts, chose the New England Patriots (the only undefeated team thus far this season and one projected to make the Super Bowl). His other guess, however, was BYU.

Ron Paul was too old to remember what football was and had to be woken up for lunch and to have his depends changed.

Other presidential candidates had too few votes and too little support even to count, so we didn't ask them.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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