There were 198 spoof news stories published in October 2005. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Michael Jackson's Neverland For Sale
NEVERLAND RANCH, CALIFORNIA - Michael Jackson has put his Neverland Ranch on the market. Several area real estate firms have recently listed the sprawling estate. "Mr. Jackson has plans to be away from his beloved Neverland Ranch for an indeterminat...
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Plastic surgeon claims responsibility for Ashlee Simpson lip sync disaster
NEW YORK - Dr. Jonelson Smith, the famed British plastic surgeon who performed rhinoplasty and eye enlargement on Ashlee Simpson, revealed today that while Ashlee Simpson was under the knife, he accidentally removed her talent.
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Whatever Happened to Johnny Rotten?
What happened to the inspirational punk we all know and love that is Johnny Rotten? After the early 1980's he just seemed to disappear and the punk era seemed to come to a close. A recent confession by one-hit wonder Rick Astley has shocked the...
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Bin Laden announces his retirement
Pakistan. Osama Bin Laden has announced he plans to retire early at the end of the year. The Al Queda chief executive revealed his surprise decision in a taped speech which was broadcast by an Arab news network early on Monday afternoon.
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Tweety Dead of Bird Flu
Warner Brothers' cartoon character Tweety Bird has been the latest death from the mysterious bird flu. Tweety was one of the first Americans and the biggest name star to contact and die due to the illness.
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Paris Hilton's Night with William Hung
Hollywood, CA, U.S.A. - The dream boy of thousands of women has finally lost his virginity to none other than Paris Hilton. William Hung, a huge Ricky Martin fan and admired contestant for American Idol spent "the night in Paris" la...
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Angelina Jolie says Brad Pitt smells 'badly'
NEW YORK - In an interview recently given by Angelina Jolie, the actress says she "thinks the world" of Brad Pitt - but never slept with him, probably because "he smells badly."...
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WWE fires entire roster
Stanford,Conn -- In stunning news today, WWE terminated all of it's contracted wrestlers, except for Paul Lavesque, AKA Triple H.
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Britney Spears' secret marriage to Adolf Hitler
Last week in Las Vegas the Pop Princess and the most evil man ever to live were secretly wed at the "Lucky Larry" Marriage Chapel.
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Paris Hilton Forced to Hide
Paris Hilton is hard to find lately. Up until recently, all she had to do was step out the door and hundreds of photographers would climb over each other to get a picture of the beautiful heiress to the Hilton Hotel fortune. Paris Hilton used to love...
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Hurricane Charlie Moved by Hurricane Wilma
FLORIDA (AP) Many people in Florida were harmed by Hurricane Wilma, but few as much as Charlie Sturgeon ---- known by all his friends as "Hurricane Charlie". Hurricane Charlie has been living aboard his small twenty-foot sailboat for the past...
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Janet Jackson's Love Child: The First Picture
Depsite denying allegations from and ex-brother in law that she has a child, pictures surfaced today of the now 18 year old "figment of someone's imagination" Jackson offspring The young adult bears a striking resemblance to Janet'...
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Reality Sex on Fox TV
The FOX Network announced a new reality TV show for the fall lineup. Each weekly episode will feature a well known Hollywood or small screen celebrity traveling to a different city or location and having sex with the ordinary folks who happen to live...
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Congress changes spelling of "nucleus" to "nuculus"
WASHINGTON (API) - In order to eliminate a specific criticism of President George W. Bush, who pronounces "nuclear" as "noo-kyu-lar", the GOP leadership in Congress has passed a resolution changing the spelling of a subatomic part...
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Paris Hilton Recovering From Accident
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) Doctors at San Francisco General Hospital are now giving Paris Hilton a better than 50% chance of making a full recovery from her accident earlier in the week. "We are confident that scarring will be minimal. The dental surger...
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Scientists invent Dogcat
Scientists at the Roslin Instiute in Edinburgh have unleashed their latest cloning experiment, The Dogcat.
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People are living longer and science doesn't know why
BERVIEW HILLS, Okla. - Scientists are baffled now that there are over estimated 70,000 Americans who are 100-years-old or older. And more and more people are expected to become centenarians, especially if they don't die before they reach 100. The...
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Pooh to mature: adapt to modern, evil, world
After so many years of living with his Hundred Acre Woods buddies, Pooh has decided to take a vacation in Europe. His 2 week trip is following the horrible experience with the long eared, horned, huffalump. He is taking a trip to Europe because he is...
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Harry Potter in Sex Tape Scandal!
Charges have been brought forward against Harry Potter today of splicing a private sex tape on to the opening scenes of "The Prisoner of Azkaban"...
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Rosa Klebb, famous spy, dies at 99
BERKVILLE, Ill. - Rosa Klebb, the former Russian agent who was in charge of assassinations in the 1950s and ‘60s, has died. She was 99.
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Study shows Duck more effective than Prayer
BOULDER, CO. (SN)- A new study has shown that Daffy Duck is dramatically more effective in treating certain types of cancer than trained, praying healers. "Needless to say, this was somewhat unexpected," states lead researcher Ima Fakker RN...
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New Orleans Police Release "Cops Gone Wild!" Video
Jefferson Parish -- Those fun-lovin' New Orleans Police have figured out a way to make crime pay -- not with kickbacks, or corruption, but with a "Cops Gone Wild!" video showing clips of suspects being beaten, reporters being threatened...
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80% of NFL Players Gay
The National Football League is refusing to release the results of a survey which could prove more damaging to the NFL than any steroid or drug scandal of the past.
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Tampa Bay Devil Rays Baseball Team to Change Name
The Tampa Bay Devil Rays baseball team has decided to change their name and mascot. "We aren't selling that many single game or season tickets and we think it may be a team identity problem," said club spokesman Phil Balk. "The t...
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Poker thieves nab 273 quadrillion chips
PokerBlokes.net, a popular online poker site, was robbed of 273 quadrillion chips in a daring heist over the weekend. Investigators are describing it as the largest theft of play money in history.
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President Bush Makes Progress
WASHINGTON DC (AP) Doctors at Walter Reed Army Medical Center have reported signficant progress in their efforts to help President George W. Bush appear more like a human and less like a monkey. President Bush has secretly been undergoing speech ther...
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Jessica Simpson Face Cream Disaster!
HOLLYWOOD (AP) Jessica Simpson recently came out of hiding with some terrible news to share with her many fans. Through her publicity agent, Miss Simpson revealed that she had been using a special face cream since she attended J. J. Pearce High Scho...
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Jimmy Buffet will succeed Warren Buffet as CEO of Berkshire Hathaway
Omaha- The Berkshire Hathaway Board of Directors has completed its yearly conclave during which it discusses possible successors to its immensely wealthy and effective CEO-Warren Buffet. Mr. Buffet will turn 75 soon and had previously expressed an i...
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Public Library to File Lawsuits Against Copy-Machine Pirates
Mayo, Kansas -- The Comanche County Public Library announced yesterday it will file its first wave of lawsuits later this month against those it alleges are illegally photocopying copyrighted books, joining the music industry in its fight against pir...
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Prince Charles and Camilla Buying a House in America
The Prince of Wales appears to be even closer to moving to America. A source close to Prince Charles revealed that the Royal Family has purchased a suitable residence for the heir apparent to the throne. Speaking on the condition on anonymity, the so...
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Dog Arrested for Having Sex with a Man
ONTARIO, California (AP) A 10-year-old Rottweiler was arrested after neighbors reported seeing the dog sexually assaulting his owner, Ubaldo Vasquez Huizar, 39.
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Kate Bush: New Album, New Image, Old Hair
She's not been sighted for ninety eight years, and it's been one hundred and two since her last album. Whacky chanteuse, Kate Bush is at last preparing for a comeback. Thirty seven years in the making, her new record will finally see the light of day...
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Actress Kiera Knightley Announces Plans for Breast Surgery
Actress Kiera Knightley, famous for roles in "Bend it like Beckham," and "Pirates of the Caribbean," has announced that she is uphappy with her image and has decided to have breast surgery. In an exclusive interview, she said tha...
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"Kev" & "Brits" Call it Quits.
HOLLYWOOD, CA Hollywood's latest parents, dancer Kevin Federline (27) and pop-diva Britney Spears (23), have agreed to a trial separation due t...
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Pakistan claims Mallika to be her's
Pakistan President Pervez Musharaff claimed today that the Indian bollywood actress Mallika Sherawat who created sensation at the Cannes International Film Festival is an integral part of Pakistan and that she should be handed over by the Indian gove...
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Natalie Portman of Star Wars Films Clones Herself
Natalie Portman was a star in three of the recent Star Wars films playing Padme Amidala, former Queen and Senator from Naboo and love interest of Anakin Skywalker. She siezed upon and idea and the technology from "Attack of the Clones" dec...
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Prince Harry Loves Army Life
Prince Harry is said to be "Very happy" with Army life said a Palace spokesman today.
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Wayne Rooney - "Don't Call Me Postmodern!"
Soccer starlet Wayne Rooney today insisted he is a reflective-eclecticist following recent newspaper allegations that he had embraced the tenet of (19th century philosopher) Friedrich Nietzsche in his role as the grandfather of Postmodernism.
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Martians Forge Ahead with Nuclear Cold Fusion
Martians have formally complained to the United Nations Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty Conference regarding the noise levels they are having to endure whilst the European Space Agency (ESA) has been drilling for oil and water on the surface of their...
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US to Return Statue of Liberty to France
The skyrocketing National Debt...due in part, to the prolonged War on Terrorism...is forcing the Administration to take drastic measures to cut costs. Now, as many favorite programs are coming on the chopping block, the US Dept of the Interior ha...
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Bush Nominates Big Bird to Head NASA
Big Bird, also know as Caroll Spinney, was nominated to be head of the U.S. space agency on Friday by President Bush.
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Michael Jackson accused by apple
If Michael Jackson thought his acquittal on child molestation charges in June had ended his legal problems, he was mistaken.
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Backpackers Busted after Magyar Marijuana Dupe
Four American backpackers are facing 40 years' hard labour in a Hungarian jail after being taken in by an online spoof story.
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Doctors Say Britney Spears' Brain Is Missing
Doctors treating pop diva Britney Spears for a recent injury say they are puzzled by a recent discovery that her brain is missing. Dr. Emil Shaufhaussen of Manhattan General Hospital in New York said he had never seen anything like it before.
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NRA Members to get Special Hunting License
WASHINGTON, NRA Headquarters - In an effort to secure the United States from further terrorist activity and keep the nation safe from terrorism, President George W. Bush today announced a plan in conjunction with the Office of H...
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Dead Flu-Stricken Parrot Comedically Returned To Pet Shop
Seller Insists Bird is "Just Pining For the Fjords"...
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Katie Holmes' Pregnancy Causes Child Protective Services Inquiry
Actress Katie Holmes has been seeing Actor Tom Cruise for several months with little more than media fanfare. Announcement this week of her pregnancy, however, caused Child Protective Services officials in California to open an investigation into po...
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USC Wal-Mart to Offer Heiress & MrS Degrees: Paige Lauire
University Park -- WalMart Heiress Paige Laurie cut the ribbon today at Southern California's largest Wal-Mart Supercenter, on the site of the former USC campus. In addition to an auto center, grocery, and outpatient surgical center, the new S...
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Shocking Study Finds Exercise Related to Weight Loss
A study conducted by Shape magazine has verified the vicious rumours circulating the internet regarding exercise and weight loss.
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Chicken Selects Linked to Workplace Violence
OAK BROOK, IL - McDonald's executives today confirmed that sales of the company's new Chicken Selects chicken breast strips are down following their being banned by several major US corporations. The bans have been sparked by several instances of vi...
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Ethiopia Blames High Infant Mortality rate on Dying Babies
Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Ethiopian Government officials explained to the international press earlier this week that the principle cause of the country's highest infant death rate in twenty years is due to ‘poor, sick and helpless babies'.
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NSW, Queensland Outlaw Choking the Chicken
Sydney - A toy that encourages young men to "Choke the Chicken" sends a terrible message to them, according to members of the Royal Society for the Protection of Cruelty to Rubber Animals, "and should be outlawed." Boys should t...
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New "Simpsons" spin-off
When "The Simpsons" is cancelled, which could be 2007 at the earliest, there is a new futuristic spin-off planned for the show, which is hoped to be as successful as possible.
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'Queer Eye's' Carson Kressley to Design New Fifty Dollar Bill
WASHINGTON-- In an effort to make them more difficult to counterfeit, the United States Treasury will be introducing a new, more colorful fifty dollar bill this fall.
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Michael Jackson "I sleep with apples"
Pop superstar Michael Jackson admitted last night in a television documentary that he loves to have young apples sleep in his bed.
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Posh Spice launches latest autobiography
Posh Spice, the stick-thin shopping machine better known as David Beckham's wife, has launched her latest autobiography - ‘Learning to Sing'. The book, which the footballer's spouse allegedly wrote all on her own, charts her failed attemp...
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George Bush admits he needs more human intelligence
Washington (Spoof International News)--President Bush admitted Tuesday that his administration would be bolstered with better Human intelligence.
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Vanderbilt Student Goes One-Up on Edison with LED light bulb
Nashville -- Having "accidentally" discovered the light bulb of the future on his first try, Vanderbilt graduate student Michael Bowers tried an additional 1300 ways to construct his breakthrough "bulb" which consists of a blue L...
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117 Year old woman gives birth to cat
The world's oldest living person received quite a shock on July Fourth. Gladys Over knew something was wrong. She had been experiencing stomach cramps and irregular bowel movements for two months. A visit with her doctor revealed a large mass in...
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Joel cheats on Hilary
When Joel Madden (Good Charlotte) and Hilary Duff (Lizzie McGuire) hooked up, we all knew there would be trouble. And now there has been. After finding Joel cheating on her, the 18 year old star dumped him straight away.
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Julia Roberts pregnant, say many sources
HOLLYWOOD, Calif. -- Oscar-winning actress Julia Roberts is pregnant, according to a source said to have made passionate love to her.
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P2 Lodge gathers for Hitler's daughter's 80th birthday bash
London, Tuesday 11 October 2005 (Rioters) - The Metropolitan Police has announced tough new security measures ahead of Thursday's 80th birthday celebrations in London for the nation's No 1 senile old terrorist-in-chief and scion of the Adolf...
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James Bond Film Changes Title and Signs Eight to Ensemble
Unable to arrive at a consensus choice of what actor the public will best embrace as the next James Bond, Sony Pictures Entertainment has emerged from closed door meetings with co-producers Eon Productions with a contingency plan that will keep produ...
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Walgreen's Announces New "Dumb-ass" Checkout Line
The next trip you take to your local pharmacy may not be as painful as it has been in the past. At least that is what the decision-makers at the Walgreen's corporate offices are hoping.
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FDA: Marijuana Pain Killer to be Sold in Drug Stores and Supermarkets
WASHINGTON DC - Following the lead of Health Canada, the FDA announced that three U.S. pharmaceutical companies were given the green light to market an over the counter pain killer that is made from marijuana. The aspirin-like pills are to be taken...
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Scientists Study Gorilla who uses Lathe, Milling Machine
GOMA, Congo - A male gorilla in a Congo zoo has become adept with a Bridgeport milling machine and Newhall lathe, according to his keepers. "The quality of parts he's turning out is really quite good," according to a machinist who has...
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Britney Spears Has Given Birth To A Little Monster
Celebritney Maternity Ward In The Hollywood Hills and Rancho Mirage-Since her brand new little bawl of tears doesn't sleep on the bed of roses Britney laid out for him (complaining about thorny conditions and some other things not worth repeating), d...
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Mary-Kate Olsen to Drop out of College
Mary-Kate Olsen has chosen to drop out of NYU to pursue a new career. The Olsen twin plans to become a cat burglar. "I watched an old movie on cable (Turner Classic Movies) the other night with Cary Grant and he was so cool. "To Catch a...
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US Denies Allegations of Causing Anti-French Sentiment
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The United States has today denied any wrongdoing of fostering negative feelings towards the French before the War on Iraq began. Many critics of America, mainly liberals, have accused the United States of creating prejudice to a...
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Bush Nominates Judge Judy to Supreme Court
On the heels of Harriet Miers withdrawing her name from Supreme Court nomination, President Bush has selected another woman. Bush announced today that, "I have decided to stick with a woman and a judge. You all knocked me because Harriet was n...
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Catholic Church Poised to Add New Sins To Top Seven
Vatican City, Rome -- Precipitated by the recent passing of Pope John Paul II, the Catholic church is currently in the process of re-evaluating its role in the modern world. While the College of Cardinals are presently in seclusion choosing a new Pop...
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Hillary Clinton Develops An Interest In Sex
Washington and New York-Having survived investigation after investigation into her finances, her family, her law associates and so on, probably because the Special Prosecutors failed to ask the wrong questio...
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Wilma to Strike Cuba With Vengeance
(AP) Wilma Flintstone, upset at the latest shenanigans of her husband Fred, will land in Cuba today; needless to say, she's mad. "That idiot husband of mine and his friend Barney Rubble came down here with his Loyal Order of Water Buffalo b...
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New James Bond Selected
Actor Daniel Craig ended months of speculation by being named to play James Bond in the upcoming 21st Bond film, Casino Royale. This movie uses the title of the first of the spy novels written by the late Ian Fleming. Another version of the book, a...
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New Number Found by Geeks
LOS ANGELES - CALIFORNIA - Scientists who look similar to Albert Einstein have discovered a new number. It is the first number to be discovered since 1788 when Boris Two located the number which was subsequently named after him.
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Chinese Dragons Escape from Shenzhou VI and Attack the International Space Station Eating Astronauts
The larger Shenzhou VI was equipped with a secondary orbital module expected to be used to understand more about the endurance of Chinese dragons in space but in a freak accident involving flatulence, the secondary orbital module broke up allowing th...
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Enema of the State
President Bush gave an unprecedented press release from the Oval Office bathroom today. In his historic address, he confessed to being a long-time victim of the controversial fad of self-administered molasses enemas.
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Police find 100,000 barrels of oil in George Galloway's spare bedroom
Wednesday. London. Great Britainshire. A police raid has uncovered an incalculably huge amount of crude oil at the home of Bethnal Green's abrasive MP, Mr George Galloway of Scotland.
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Why I Hate the Arabs
The outrage over my article in last week's ‘Daily Shame' describing Arabs as "gay wife beaters", "nursery bombers" and "pension-stealin', benefit-defraudin', child-killin' towel heads" caused "offence" with some jumped-up rogues in the Government. I...
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Stuntman/Daredevil's Past Catches Up To Him
Whiskey Flats, Texas - USA - The infamous Jack "Jackie" Bibby, known for his many stunts involving rattlesnakes and the like, is recovering in a Whiskey Flats hospital after his lifelong "hobby" caught up with him.
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Viagra Mailing Lists Seized by Police
Lawyers are coming down hard on all those who have bought illegal versions of the impotence drug Viagra.
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GM Downsizing SUV Offerings
DETROIT (AP) General Motors announced a total downsizing of its entire fleet of SUVs. The once profitable SUV monsters have become harder to sell to customers who cannot afford high gas prices. Over the past few years the size, weight, and gas consu...
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Stallone to Make Sixth Rocky Movie
Sylvester Stallone has announced plans to film a sixth in the series of movies about boxer Rocky Balboa. The first film won the Oscar for Best Picture in 1976 and was the actor's first starring role. Subsequent films in the series were written...
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Mel Gibson Time Travel Goes Awry
In yet another case of mankind developing technology that exceeds its collective wisdom to manage, Lethal Weapon star and emerging director Mel Gibson was today, accidentally, transported to 4 B.C. Gibson's "encounter" with Jesus (la...
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Jim Morrison alive and well and living in Woking
Jim Morrison, lead singer with cult 60s band ‘The Doors' has been found alive, well and living in the English town of Woking. The American singer was believed to have died on 3 July 1971 of a drugs overdose whilst in the bath of his Paris apartme...
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Paris Hilton Exposed By Queens Of Hollywood
Paris, France---For reasons beyond her years, Paris Hilton is in hot water with Shirley MacLaine and Shirley Temple (Black).
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Recent Accidents in London and Paris Linked To American Eating Habits
London, UK, and Paris, France--Two recent accidents in London and Paris have been linked to Americans' eating habits but fortunately did not result in deaths or injuries.
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McCartney's Frog Chorus Fails to Spawn in Bizarre Pop Memorabilia Auction
Paul McCartney's hand written lyrics for "The Frog Chorus" have failed to sell at auction. They were tipped to fetch more than £3.00 when they were offered for sale in at a memorabilia sale in London yesterday. Sotheby's spokesman James Alexander...
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Lance Armstrong Bitten by Dog with Fake Testicles
Austin -- Seven time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong was today bitten by a German shepard dog sporting fake testicles, sold commercially as "Neuticals." Armstrong's injuries were not serious, although psychiatrists have warned...
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UCI bans another substance
The sporting body of cycling has banned yet another substance as stated in a report released today. According to the report, the Union Cycliste Internationale has added beans to the list of illegal substances and they are currently revising the Anti...
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Wal-Mart Test Marketing Cremation Chambers
Not to be outdone by Costco's announcement that it is selling coffins in two Chicago area stores, mass merchandise behemoth Wal-mart will be test marketing cremation chambers and sealable containers in three Wichita, Kansas area stores later this mon...
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Is this the slowest girl in the world?
Is this the slowest girl in the world? People seem to think so. She can regularly be found in the last place you left her, this was the first clue says sources. ‘Flat cap' as she was once nick named for no apparent reason, has struggled to come to te...
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People aren't half as stupid as they look.
The results of an extensive and detailed study from the Centra De Observations Humanity at the illustrious University of Nowhere have finally shown that the old adage is indeed correct, people aren't half as stupid as they look. While an accurate and...
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Wall Street Flees from New Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke
WASHINGTON (Reuters)-Wall Street high-rollers are desperately making tracks and leaving the USA as Ben Bernanke takes over from the retiring Alan Greenspan as Chairman of the once powerful US Federal Reserve this January.
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Cheney admits IRAN and IRAQ spelling very similar to IRA
Washington DC (Riotous) - Aides of Vice President Dick Cheney have issued a hasty statement on behalf of the beleagured ex-Halliburton CEO amid new CIA reports naming Iran as the transit point of Al Qaeda 9/11 operatives:...
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The "Everything That Can Kill You Store" opens in Seattle
Seattle, Washington - "If it can kill you - We have it!" is the stores motto. So… what do they sell?...
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Daniel Craig Beats Stiff Competition to Become Bond
Faces burning with embarrassment, the producers of the James Bond film series met in an emergency closed door session to strategize a replacement replacement after having their offer of the role refused by Clive Owen, then Hugh Jackman, and finally R...
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Harriet Miers honored by Exodus International and President George W. Bush
WASHINGTON - Having successfully repressed her alleged lesbian urges for ten years in a row, Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers has received a long sought-after certificate from Exodus International Ministries proclaiming her an "official cur...
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