NEVERLAND RANCH, CALIFORNIA - Michael Jackson has put his Neverland Ranch on the market. Several area real estate firms have recently listed the sprawling estate. "Mr. Jackson has plans to be away from his beloved Neverland Ranch for an indeterminate period of time and he thought it best to sell the whole ranch to someone who can put the place to good use."
One listing in a realtor's glossy advertisement claimed: "Pedophiles dream estate! No expense has been spared in building this wonderful attraction for small children. There is a castle-like house, amusement rides, a petting zoo, swimming pools, and even a choo-choo train. In today's market, building a comparable pedophile park that has the ability to pack in hundreds of eager young children would easily cost many millions of dollars more than the asking price of Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch."
Security is state of the art and guaranteed to keep out nosy law enforcement officials. Even in the unlikely event of a raid with a legal search warrant, the security system provides ample time for even the clumsiest pedophile to finish his business and hide all incriminating children and potential evidence.
This is a turnkey operation. The new owner of Neverland will be able to move right in and start molesting children on the first day of operation. The entire staff of Michael Jackson will be available to the new owner while new salaries are negotiated. There will be no need to beat around the bush with these seasoned employees--- they know exactly what you're up to, and they want to make sure that your molesting experience is both pleasant and efficient at Neverland. The cooking staff is experienced at turning out wonderful meals that children will find hard to resist. A knowledgeable wine steward will be able to provide children with highly intoxicating drinks that appeal to younger tastes. Even Mr. Jackson's personal umbrella bearer will be available to the new owner should he require round the clock shade from harmful ultraviolet sunlight.
The new pedophile-owner of Neverland can even depend on entertaining a large number of children that Michael Jackson had previously molested. These kids are just hooked on the Neverland experience and will do anything to please you.
This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for a pedophile of means who is ready to enjoy sleeping with a steady stream of wide-eyed young children.
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