New Orleans Police Release "Cops Gone Wild!" Video

Funny story written by wadenelson

Monday, 10 October 2005


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Jefferson Parish -- Those fun-lovin' New Orleans Police have figured out a way to make crime pay -- not with kickbacks, or corruption, but with a "Cops Gone Wild!" video showing clips of suspects being beaten, reporters being threatened, and African-American refugees being stopped at the Gretna bridge. It's "Let the Good Times -- and Camera Roll!" said Seargent Bo Sewlay.

New Orleans police have been accused of brutality, and corruption for decades. "Those charges just aren't fair," says Sewlay. "We live in the city with the highest murder rate in the nation, and even our mayor admits it's "Open Season" on narcotics around here. "You want to keep law, order, and even a semblence of respect, you gotta kick some ass now and then."

To pay for the defense of three NO policemen and a couple of rent-a-cops accused of beating a 64 year old man up simply for being drunk (and belligerent) in public, the Officers of the Jefferson Parish have released "Cops Gone Wild" with hidden video of all their indiscretions."

"Hey, all them cars was gonna get flooded anyway" comments one Lieutenant viewing the footage of a Greyhound bus full of officers "taking emergency possession of over 41 Cadillacs at a local dealership." Police are allowed to commandeeer private vehicles when an emergency need for transportation is needed. In this case, Cadillacs were the preferred way to get out of Hurricane Katrina's path for many officers."

Police in New Orleans recently fired over 700 shots in a single neighborhood without anyone calling the cops -- a clear sign the neighbors are more afraid of the cops than they are the criminals. Video of this shootout, which, unfortunately, left a Vietnamese grocery in shambles, is included in the "Gone Wild!" video.

During Hurricane Katrina police held a gigantic "after-hours" party on the top floor of a five star hotel they'd designated a "command center." According to a couple of "working girls," "Them cops, they gave us commands, that's right, but they didn't give us any money for all that dick-tating they wanted us to take."
Other residents, attempting to negotiate the city, were forced miles out of their way by cops who "commandeered" an entire city block and designated it "Fort Apache."

Other scenes include "After Hours with the NO PD" in which girls who "like" cops pull the train and perform various sex acts on off-duty officers, who drink free liquor and eat free beignets at "practically every place in town," according to business owners. "We don't want no trouble," said the owner of Harry's on Bourbon street. A well lubricated cop is a happy cop."

"Cops Gone Wild!" is available on DVD and VHS from Armageddon Arts, http://www.armageddon.con for $29.95.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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