Written by Jalapenoman

Friday, 28 October 2005

image for Janet Jackson's Love Child: The First Picture
Janet Jackson's child bears a striking resemblance to Uncle Michael

Depsite denying allegations from and ex-brother in law that she has a child, pictures surfaced today of the now 18 year old "figment of someone's imagination" Jackson offspring The young adult bears a striking resemblance to Janet's brother Michael.

In an exclusive, tell-all interview, Michael Jackson decided to come forth with the truth about the situation. He did this on conditions that we would not mention his recent child molestation trial, his dangling of babys out of windows, his numerous plastic surgeries, his financial situation, his marriages, his divorces, his relationship with his father, or his children. The transcript of that interview is printed here for the first time.

Spoof: "Mr. Jackson, thank you for granting us this interview. Why did you decide to talk to us about this now? It's been 18 years."

Jackson: "You're very welcome. Little Rene, I call the baby Rene, is so much like me it is unreal. As he/she has grown older, his/her skin has also lightened and his nose has changed shape. He/She is ready to take his/her place in the family and in the entertainment world."

Spoof: " Where has the child lived for the past 18 years?"

Jackson: "All over. Sometimes, Rene shared my bed at Neverland Ranch. It's such a beautiful thing to share your bed with a child. Now that Rene has grown up and is over 18, we don't do that anymore. It's so different with adults. Rene spent time with our parents and Jermaine and Tito, but never with Janet. He/She was never masculine/feminine enough for her. She could not accept her own son/daughter in the same way that she cannot accept me."

Spoof: "Why Rene? Isn't that name sort of unsexual, like Pat or Chris?"

Jackson: "Rene is not his/her real name. Janet gave her little boy/girl a horrid name that I just cannot repeat. Rene is my name for him/her. It is French, and makes us think of the wonderful, romantic moments we shared in Paris when Rene was eleven."

Spoof: "And what does Rene plan to do now that the secret is out?"

Jackson: "Rene will begin attending college in the fall at UCLA. I think he/she is going to major in psychology and specialize in human sexuality. Because of our time together, I know that Rene can teach the world a lot on this subject, because he/she is all about love."

Spoof: "Do you have any advice you would like to give Rene?"

Jackson: "Oh, yes. Rene, don't stop loving the children, just like I taught you to. We are so much alike, but please find your own identitiy and your own niche in the world."

Spoof: "Thank you very much for your time, Michael. We wish you and Rene every success in life."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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