Actress Kiera Knightley Announces Plans for Breast Surgery

Written by Jalapenoman

Wednesday, 12 October 2005


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Actress Kiera Knightley Announces Plans for Breast Surgery
Actress Kiera Knightly wants to change her image.

Actress Kiera Knightley, famous for roles in "Bend it like Beckham," and "Pirates of the Caribbean," has announced that she is uphappy with her image and has decided to have breast surgery. In an exclusive interview, she said that "I am tired of my image. I'm tired of my breasts; I hate them. They're just too damned big. For my own physical and mental health, I need breast reduction surgery."

The announcement came as a shock to much of the entertainment community. Orlando Bloom, her co-star and "the guy who got the girl" in Pirates of the Caribbean was also amazed. "Reduction! Reduction! I got to make out with this girl on the set. It took several takes. Every time I'd try to grab on and squeeze, I'd end up behind her. She's got to be the flattest chested actress over the age of eleven in the business. If anything, she needs augmentation. You make them babys a little bigger and I'll gladly grab on to a sequel."

Actress and country singer Dolly Parton, famous for the monstrous size of her breasts, said that "if it makes her happy, let her do it! We all know that women get back aches because of the weight, and tight strap marks on your shoulders can leave bruises. Even if she's just got them little pea size things, they may hurt her on that skinny little body. I say that if she wants to have 'em reduced and look like broomstick, more power to her!"

In the film "Bend it like Beckham," the Knighley and her mother are shopping in a store when the mother suggests that she go with a padded bra. When asked about the scene and if it had caused any embarrasment or bearing on her decision, Knightley said that it had not. "I was method acting at the time. I was wishing my boobs to be smaller so that the mother character could try to get me to get a wonderbra or some padding. In truth, all of the pictures you see of me show me as I want to be, In reality, I wear an "A" cup bra and not the little girl, flat chested, training bra that you imagine."

Asked what size bra she feels that she will wear after the surgery, Knightley said that she wants to wear the leather jerkins she wore in her King Arthure movie all of the time. "Men have told me that there is nothing hotter than a woman in leather, and I want nothing but that leather between my skin and my men."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more