New James Bond Selected

Funny story written by Jalapenoman

Wednesday, 12 October 2005

image for New James Bond Selected
Daniel Craig is the sixth man to play Bond, James Bond.

Actor Daniel Craig ended months of speculation by being named to play James Bond in the upcoming 21st Bond film, Casino Royale. This movie uses the title of the first of the spy novels written by the late Ian Fleming. Another version of the book, a comedy with Peter Sellers and Woody Allen, was filmed in the 1960's; this film has not relation to that movie.

"Are you kidding," said MGM/UA spokesman Albert Cauliflower, "none of our movies have had anything to do with the books except use the titles since before Sean Connery left the role. We used titles for use without even reading the books. I doubt that the people who are adapting this one will read the book either."

Craig is not well known to the American audience, but that will not stop them from watching this film. U.s. audiences tend to love action and horror movies so much that they attend regardless of the acting ability, script quality, or identity of the star (see collected films of Jean Claude Van Damme, Vin Diesel, Steven Seagal, Chuck Norris, and anything based on a Stephen King novel).

Comments from other former Bond actors follow:

Sean Connery (the first Bond and considered the best in most fan polls): "What, another one! I can still play that part. People Magazine said that I'm the sexiest man alive. No one else can say "Bond, James Bond" like me or give the right twist on "Shaken, not stirred." I paved the way for all of these other guys, but they don't seem to bring me back. I can use viagra for the love scenes!"

Roger Moore: "Is this movie going to be funny? No one did a funnier Bond than I did. The scenes with me and the little guy from Fantasy Island were great. Let me do it again! I want to do it again! I promise to wear my toupee!"

George Lazenby (Bond in only one film): You reporters are back, huh? They must have another new Bond, because that's the only time anyone ever wants to talk to me!"

TImothy Dalton: "I hope his career as the secret agent lasts longer than mine. Oh well, I hope he has fun with the gadgets and the ladies."

Pierce Brosnan (the most recent Bond): "I wish him all the best as he takes on this part. He'll have fun with all of the make out scenes with all of the beautiful women in all of the exotic and tropical locations; I know I did!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more