Written by ravenx

Monday, 31 October 2005

image for Shocking Study Finds Exercise Related to Weight Loss
The News Was Too Late For This Man

A study conducted by Shape magazine has verified the vicious rumours circulating the internet regarding exercise and weight loss.

The report revealed that if you jump rope - there is a very strong chance that you will indeed burn calories. - How does this happen? Well, no-one seems to really be sure at the moment but theories have ranged from the idea that jumping rope induces diarrhea (meaning fats leave the body more rapidly) to the new age theory that Jumping Rope means you breath more rapidly - and oxygen, of course, has a negative calorie on the body (it takes more energy to burn than it provides).

To test this theory 30 individuals, from the fine state of Texas, were asked to jump a large skipping rope constantly for 15 hours. The weight range of the individuals varied with the smallest weighing only 275LBS and the largest 690LBS. - The results however could not be concluded due to the fact that the experiment was fatal - to all of its participants. The people involved in the tests are now in Texas State Prison on charges of 'Testing with intent to cause weigth loss'. - A crime punishable by death, as are all crimes in Texas.

Where did this idea first come from? It seems the theory stems from a story recently reported by respected broadcasters "Dodgy News Inc." whom told of a North Dakota man who died of severe weight loss after running in 3 marathons over a 48 hour period. John P. Grissel, a 67 year old farmer who spent the majority of his life shooting pigs and eating beans ran the marathons in honour of his wife Billie Jane Joe who reportedly told him she would kill him if he even attempted to run away from her. The authorities are now in pursuit of Billie as she is wanted for questioning over her now late husbands death. The North Dakota PD have released a press statement saying they last saw Mrs Joe in a Small Sail Boat of the gulf of New Mexico.

Now the question must be asked - will the world believe these startling new claims or continue to hold the current belief - that InstantSlimPro Pills and High-Lard diets are the only way to stay healthy.

Only time will tell the answer.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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