The SPL and Aberdeen
With Covid-19 slowing its murderous dance across the world, sports are beginning to start up again, albeit with no spectators. Every sport has been affected in its own unique way: rugby teams, for example, have had to cut down on throwing dwarves aro...Read full story
Donald Trump Hopes To Assuage UK Leaders When He Meets With Big Ben
Facing widespread condemnation from US Allies, Donald Trump is on a charm offensive to win over his critics in the UK and prove once and for all that he has the temperament to be a world leader. "I'm going to meet with Big Ben," the Don Tweeted, "...Read full story
Pick Me Up Before You Sex Offend
A Scottish “pickup artist” who refers to himself as Addy A-Game has been jailed for two years for threatening behaviour towards women in the street. Mr A-Game would secretly film himself walking up to random ladies in quiet streets, and running some...Read full story
Office workers to face corporal punishment when they misbehave
- IFL Group, an Internet marketing agency in Aberdeen brought in the system - Punishment is used on 'a minority' of workers with low productivity or who misbehave - Bosses smacking their employees will 'encourage other workers to work harder'...Read full story
President Trump Reveals That Voices in His Head Are Telling Him to Drop Out of the Race
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Reports are that President Trump’s popularity numbers are dropping quicker than a prostitute’s underwear. The President’s top campaign advisers say that, at this rate, Minnie Mouse may end up getting more write-in votes than Tru…Read full story
Bagpipes To Be Phased Out
The traditional sound of Highland bagpipes, the musical accomplishment of a thousand years of Scottish heritage, is to be phased out over the next twelve months, after it emerged that many people don't like it, and countless others find it downright...Read full story
Homebuyers "Thin On The Ground"
Astonishing research released today demonstrates that home buying really does affect Scots' figures. Scotland's surveyors have reported optimism among house sellers, despite buyers remaining "thin on the ground". The Royal Institution of Charte...Read full story
Mandatory face masks in shops causes concern - ‘What’s the problem?’ said Robbie the Robber
Boris Johnson is concerned that his message for everyone to wear masks in shops, banks and post offices may be taken advantage of. ‘Business has been slow,’ said Robbie the Robber, ‘but this idea of Boris’, everyone wearing masks, is great, as no…Read full story
Border controls sharpened and barbed wire put on Hadrian's wall to stop Scot invasion!
English custom's authorities, police and military are on red alert after a border invasion of ginger-headed (Not Harry he's got other problems), kilt wearing, whisky smelling, bagpipe playing Scots entered the country today in seek of revenge! OK,...Read full story
Rangers F.C. Scottish footie giants go bust!
One of Scotland's most proud heritages could go bust, Rangers F.C. Footie giants in Scotland and minnows around the world face a dire financial period hoping that the Inland Revenue doesn't knock on their door again. The Scottish renowned for thei...Read full story
Susan Boyle In Violent Outburst Demolishes Scotland
In scenes straight out of the Marvel's Avengers Assemble, Susan Boyle in a fit of rage destroyed the nation of Scotland over the weekend, but luckily there were no fatalities. Following months of gruelling work, SuBo as she is known to her fans had b...Read full story
Van der Sloot Given 3 Months to Live after Contracting Malaria; Granted Humanitarian Release to Scotland!
In a shocking report just released today by the European Union Council of Ministers regarding the Human Rights and Health and Safety of Incarcerated Felons, Joran van der Sloot has been granted a humanitarian release by the Peruvian government when i...Read full story
Plans to move Scotland's Biggest Bank to Iceland put on ice
Scottish business tycoon Ralph Tweedie attempt to buy Scotland's largest bank for a pound and to relocate its entire operation to Iceland has now finally been put to rest. The idea was born out of the fear that Scotland would become independent and...Read full story
Frankie Boyle In Hot Water Again (No Pun Intended)
It appears that controversial Jockinese joker and, in the words of novelist Stephen King: "officious little prick" Frankie Boyle has once again landed himself in hot water (Boyling water - no pun intended) by contriving to be controversial. Again.Read full story
Scotland poised to pay out millions if they say Yes
If the Scots votes Yes to an Independent Scotland in September, they are facing a huge bill from the rest of the UK. "We're going to charge the Scots for the cost of removing Scotland from the UK," said Boris Johnson, momentarily forgetting his us...Read full story