Scotland Spoof News

21 August 2019

HEATWAVE LATEST: Tempers flare as temperatures in Scotland top 9 degrees

There were ugly scenes in a number of Scottish cities, including Glasgow and Dundee, yesterday, as the mercury soared to an unprecedented July high of 9.8 degrees celsius north of the border. Scuffles broke out at a number of open-air pools and li...

Read full story

Office workers to face corporal punishment when they misbehave

- IFL Group, an Internet marketing agency in Aberdeen brought in the system - Punishment is used on 'a minority' of workers with low productivity or who misbehave - Bosses smacking their employees will 'encourage other workers to work harder'...

Read full story

Scotland's "War on Haggis" not working

First Minister of Scotland Jock McSporran has admitted publicly that his government's policies on controlling the country's obesity problem have not been as successful as planned. Scotland introduced a ban on deep fried produce in 2010, after the Cel...

Read full story

Andy Murray to Retire to Concentrate on Haggis Farming

Everybody's favourite Scottish curmudgeon, Andy Murray, lost in five sets to some Spanish bloke nobody cares about, after having produced a superb fightback in the Australian Open first round. In what might or might not have been his final match,...

Read full story

England win over Scotland is 'actually a defeat' say critics

The England football teams controversial 3-2 win over auld enemies Scotchland is to be investigated by the FA and FIFA, after various overpaid journalists, broadcasters and ex-players pointed out that the overpaid over-pampered players of the English...

Read full story

Glasgow Kiss For UKIP

Nigel Farrago was having a rethink over his Gay Marriage policy after receiving a Glasgow Kiss in Scotland. Blinded with emotion he declared: 'My welcome here has moved me considerably and in honour of my Scottish pals I've decided to break with t...

Read full story

The Aberdeen Almanac

Tennis: Scottish Man almost British after five set classic

The Scottish Santa Claus

John Smeaton: A New Hero - Lindsay Lohan the Prize?

Salmond Will "Batter" MPs

Glasgow Airport Bomber Had Balls Of Steel, Says Cabbie

Disabled man sues mountain for discrimination

Alex Ferguson, "I've been living a lie."

Commonwealth Games Anger as Scotland Men are Disqualified from Hopscotch Event

Border controls sharpened and barbed wire put on Hadrian's wall to stop Scot invasion!

Bears WR tells Scottish reporter about Viagra use in the NFL

Susan Boyle In Violent Outburst Demolishes Scotland

Kenny Miller In Race Row

Scotland's Kenny Miller has provoked a race row after suggesting that referee Mark Whitby disallowed a penalty claim and also booked the striker in Sunday's Carling Nations Cup fixture because he's Scottish. The former Rangers forward was incensed...

Read full story

SFA Chief Rages At Old Firm

The Scottish Football Association's chief executive Stewart Regan is threatening to take a hard line against the Old Firm after the sectarian singing that blighted the recent League Cup Final. The SFA chief was attending the UEFA Congress in Paris...

Read full story

'One Day In The Life Of Ivan Denisovich' by Alexander Solzhenitsyn republished

'Ivan Denisovich checked he had his only possession safely in the pocket of his tattered coat - a stainless steel spoon - and then went out into the yard with the other prisoners of the Macsow Gulag labour camp. As always it was bitterly cold with ice and snow packed onto the ground by months of feet walking over it, feet like Denisovich's which were only wrapped in bits of dirty cloth. 'Putin,...

Read full story

Haggis Arrested Following Robbery

Coppers have rounded up a runaway gang of vagrant haggis bank robbers in the highlands. The haggis, of which there were eighteen, were found running around in circles in a swamp on Glen Regis with a sack full of Swiss bank notes and a barrel of b...

Read full story

Ed Milipede leadership debate on Scottish tv improved 100% by sex scene.

Television viewers were overjoyed last night when a sex scene appeared in the background during a boring news debate. A naked blonde woman could be seen on a studio TV screen as Ed Milipede's leadership of the Labour Party was debated on McScottis...

Read full story

Translation software breaks down - no-one can understand Scots any more

In a blow to Alex Salmond's promise to bring Scotland into the 21st century, the translation software that enables the rest of the world to understand what Scotch folk say, has broken down.

Read full story

Breaking news…