Old people remembering the snow they had in their youth
Old man Walter McKinley was today complaining about how the school down his road had been closed after a measly two inches of snow had fallen. The 87-year-old, who has lived in Mithering on the Trent for the past 59 years, and is seen as a local c…Read full story
Granny At Nursing Home Has Boob Job
Even though most of the other residents at the Loma Linda Nursing home in California were paying little attention to Granny Merle Rutherford, she had just returned to her room there with brand new boobs. "Oh the old boys in the lobby have noticed,...Read full story
UK government admit to gerontophilia
A UK government spokesman has admitted that spending cuts aimed to hit everyone under the age of 66 were implemented because they want to shag old people. 'We want to have sex with old people' admitted a government spokesperson. 'This is why we...Read full story
Ohio Ocotgenarians Reveal The Secret To Their 60-Year Marriage Is That Have Sexual Intercourse In Their Pool Twice A Day
ELEPHANT BUTT, Ohio - (Satire News) - Abby Yukon, a writer with Hearsay Today, recently visited an elderly couple in their luxurious Elephant Butt, home. The couple are Josh (84) and Begonia (85) Seftonwood. Josh is a retired firefighter and Begon…Read full story
Old woman is splashed in swimming pool!
London (Ass' Press) Earlier today, police had to be called to a local swimming baths, just round the back of Kentish Town. Where an old lady had been splashed by someone, possibly younger than her, in the local p...Read full story
Sue Barker is now the World's oldest Woman
One of Britain's finest ever female tennis players and friend of Cliff today learned of the news that she was now the World's oldest woman. Sue Barker celebrated her 114th birthday last month by taking on Andy Murray at Wimbledon's Centre Court an...Read full story
Easter island: Incest eggs orgy shame
Easter island- This small isolated outcrop of rock stranded in the vast blue desert of the pacific ocean is known the world over for its mysterious giant stone heads and its barren treeless hills.Read full story
An Elderly Florida Couple Caught Having Sex in a Carnival Bumper Car
PENSACOLA, Florida – (Satire News) – Boom Boom News has confirmed that a couple who are both in their late 70s, were caught having dry sex in a bumper car that belongs to The Traveling Dixie Carnival Show. Burt and Irene Fumsteen, were videotaped…Read full story
Very Elderly Woman Arrested For Copyright Piracy
Philadelphia PA-- Bertha Clarke, 98, was arrested yesterday for film piracy after an investigation by the FBI. The senior citizen was charged with unauthorized exhibition of a copyrighted DVD. She could receive five years in jail and a $250,000.00...Read full story
Elderly Take Over Virginia Old Folks Home
At 5:56 p.m on August 11, 2014, Christiansberg, Virginia police received a call from inside the Christiansberg Retirement Home. On the other line was a frightened employee who claimed that the entire home was being taken over by riot. I am as sho...Read full story
Animal Rights Bimbos Get Naked to Protest Old Ladies Who Wear Fur - Old Ladies Wear Fur to Protest Animal Rights Bimbos Getting Naked!
Ahh the age old debates: Fur vs. Nudity. Wrinkly wizened wisdom vs. supple flexibility. Today marked a clash of the worldviews as well as a clash of the generations as young and old took to the streets to protest ... each other! An animal right...Read full story
How old people are screwed by computers
Everyone knows that old people and computers don't mix. The case of the absconded email password illustrates exactly how the curdling takes place, orchestrated by big tech. This is the notorious case of Miss Wiggins, an old maid who lives alone…Read full story
Pension Plan Wants Plug Pulled; Retiree, 120, Brain-Dead 30 Years
In an appeal to the state supreme court, the California Public Employees Retirement System - CALPERS - seeks to overturn a lower court ruling that prohibits removal of the life-prolonging plug from the electric circuit that has kept a brain-dead 120-…Read full story
Japanese 'quantitative easing', 77,000 people aged 120 or over, 884 aged 150 or higher, claiming pensions!
Toyko, Japan: Japanese authorities have revealed that it has thousands of people listed as still alive, who have been dead for years. More than 77,000 people aged 120 or over - 884 aged 150 or higher - are listed on government records as still al...Read full story
Granny Brothel Closed In Florida!
"Want to have a good time old boy?" was their opening line every single time a granny went along the bars along the beach in Haskins, Florida, a small village near the Gulf Coast. It was delivered by a well-dressed 69-87 year-old with white hair and...Read full story
My hatred for dithering old lady in post office exceeded that of Achilles towards Hector, says local man
A 54-year-old Whitechapel man has told a local newspaper that the naked and unfettered hatred he felt towards an elderly lady who kept him waiting in line at the post office exceeded the burning loathing that the Ancient Greek hero, Achilles, felt to…Read full story
'Where's the Beef!?' 75-year-old grandmother arrested for disorderly conduct at a McDonalds drive-thru for not pulling up to the pickup window fast enough
South Beach, Florida - Jean Merola, 75-year-old grandmother of eight, sat in her car at a McDonald's drive-thru waiting for her order of coffee and fries but not quite pulling forward to the pick up window because the cashier told her to wait, it...Read full story
McCain unveils "Computer for the Aged"
Blackberry inventor and Republican presidential nominee John McCain today unveiled his latest invention today. Dubbed the "McCain Atomic Typographer," the device has a set of "keys" that, when pressed, causes characters to be printed on a medium, us...Read full story
A new website www.grannies.web has been launched. And no; it's not a porn site featuring the old women from Derby. It's a website that is full of old timey things that will keep old people entertained for hours. Then again if they've got dementia it might keep them occupied for months. Back and to the Left news went on the site to find out what all the news was about. And just to be clear this...Read full story
Dare Devil, Crash Granny Dead At 87
Maudrice Langsley, the world famous Crash Granny who created 90% of all the dare devil stunts used in Hollywood movies was killed Saturday while finishing up her farewell tour in Sidney, Australia. Granny, who in all of her 87 years of doing deat...Read full story