FBI Seeking the Elderly

Funny story written by Spicewood

Friday, 5 November 2010

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Beware the Elderly

With no raises for the elderly the last two years, the silver haired generation is seeking ways to subsidize their income.

The FBI became aware of this, and one of their "covert" divisions is capitalizing on this need.

They have been recruiting elderly couples in the Northern states, checking backgrounds, religious convictions, financial situation and general attitude, and evaluating and disseminating this information.

After approval by a fifteen member panel, a few select couples who have been thoroughly screened and approved have been approached with this financially appealing offer.

"Covertly, we will give you a motor home, fifty-thousand dollars in cash, open credit cards, and arsenal of weapons and explosives and new identities. We want you to move around the country, never stay more than three months in any one location. You will be under the same benefit package as a Congressman. We will give you a cell phone, never to be used by you, you will only receive incoming calls from the "Director."

"For all of this security, benefit package and unlimited income, you will from time to time receive instructions from the Director. Follow his instructions, and "eliminate"
certain persons, either terrorists or a political foe who is interfering with National Security. You will become a torpedo or an eraser or a hit man, as they are called, but, legally, for the government, or, like James Bond, you will have a license to kill."

"We only ask that you keep us updated on your location as we have a number of "motor homes" around the country, and select which one is in closest proximity to our next "friend" as they will be called. If you are quizzed by friends, neighbors or relatives, when you leave home just tell them, "I am going to see a friend," that way they won't be suspicious."

You will be able to spend your "Golden Years" with no concerns or problems, no financial worries, unlimited travel and money, and just for a "few" hours of work. This small cadre of individuals will henecforth be referred to as the "Golden Oldies." No reference to Ian Fleming's "The Man With the Golden Arm."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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