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Funny satire stories about Old People

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You Know You're Old...Further Thoughts...

Funny story: You Know You're Old...Further Thoughts...

You know you're old, and maybe an old London git...when... With thanks to Ralph E. Shaffer You know you're old. ...You go out to a late night party, and when you return at 4am, your 20something kids are waiting up for you. ...After the party...

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You Know You're Old When...

You know you're old - and maybe and old southern Californian: When none of the names on the senior golf tour are familiar. If you can remember using a fountain pen. When a successful morning is a satisfactory bowel movement. If you rememb...

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Sexual Misconduct Amongst Elderly More Popular Due To Kavanaugh Case

Funny story: Sexual Misconduct Amongst Elderly More Popular Due To Kavanaugh Case

Sexual misconduct amongst the over-75s is on the increase due to the extensive coverage of the case against beleaguered Supreme Court nominee, Brett Kavanaugh, it has been claimed. Hans Zimmerframe, a man who knows a lot of old people, said: "T...

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Granny Needs A Pussy Pounding

Funny story: Granny Needs A Pussy Pounding

Yes, I'm old. Old as dirt. Fortunately, it's still proper etiquette for a woman not to have to reveal her age, so I won't. I will say, I'm old enough to remember when women protested the objectification, suppression, and dominance of men by burning bras in America's streets. I gleefully threw my symbol of male bondage on the burning alter of women's rights. I admit, not much of an offering at the...

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Elderly man sues weight loss program after losing fifteen pounds and three inches!

An elderly man from Louisburg, North Carolina has sued a well known weight loss program after losing fifteen pounds and three inches using their program. His suit is for reckless endangerment, false advertising and public humiliation. He appeared a...

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Couple's security footage 'viewed by voyeurs'

Funny story: Couple's security footage 'viewed by voyeurs'

Tony and Mary, are in their seventies, and have been watched by thousands of people around the world on their web-enabled security cameras - and didn’t even know. In 2015, due to security concerns, they fitted their suburban semi with what they th...

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60 year old man with half of his teeth, and no money doesn't understand why he isn't attractive to younger women

Gary Wayne Johnson from Chutney on the Fritz, a sixty-three-year-old with a habit of losing his teeth to the dentist can't understand why women half his age aren't interested in him like they are with wealthy and successful film stars and musicians.

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UK Bakers employ bouncers to bounce out bakery bandits!

Funny story: UK Bakers employ bouncers to bounce out bakery bandits!

Once upon a time, children; the smell of fresh bread and cakes lured punters into a wonderful world of goodies! Nowadays, punters have to get passed bouncers built like wardrobes to enjoy the experience! A major UK bakery chain has been hit by ba...

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40 year old man discovers he is too old for night-clubs

Funny story: 40 year old man discovers he is too old for night-clubs

Recent divorcee Jason Johnson, 41 has discovered that he really is too old for nightclubs. 'I went to Scratchy's, down on the high-street' said Johnson 'You know how well Chutney on the Fritz is served for the night-life, don't you? 'Anyway, I...

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The News At Me

The world is awash with important breaking news stories that scream so loud they surely cannot be ignored. There's a endless parade of sexual assault claims in Hollywood. Ex-Generals claiming the US could lose a war against the tinpot dictatorship of...

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Sisters kill entire family with three bean salad

Medical examiners in a small town just outside of Boston proper are at a loss as to how this family reunion could have turned so deadly. Police haven't seen anything this bad since pop-star, "Po-dicky," posioned his clan with unrefrigerated condiment...

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Startling revelation in study of pot smoking by elderly!

In a Mayo Clinic study of one hundred elderly pot smokers there was one revelation that surprised and stunned the small staff that conducted the study. The participants in the study were all volunteers, some of whom regularly smoked and a few who jo...

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That Old Girl's Still Got a Few More Rounds in Her, Area Dad Says

SOUIX FALLS, SD--Despite acknowledging that the trusted servant was "on her last legs," area dad Phil Boyd advised his son Trevor Tuesday that the old girl still had a few more uses left in her before her time comes. "She's near the end, no do...

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Put More Old People On the Moon

Funny story: Put More Old People On the Moon

Following the roaring success of this year's Christmas John Lewis advert featuring a lonely old man living on the moon a government minister has come up with a unique solution to help all old, lonely, elderly, people. Norman Bygate, MP for Staff...

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Woman Never Happier With Her Walker

Funny story: Woman Never Happier With Her Walker

84 year old Delan, FLA resident Maggie Walton will be the first to tell you that she's never been happier with her walker. Having suffered from debilitating osteoarthritis and a slew of other ailments that would cost too much to print, Walton has...

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Old Lady Arrested Outside Bank

Funny story: Old Lady Arrested Outside Bank

An elderly woman was arrested in Kensington Hight Street London, England yesterday for malicious vandalism and wanton destruction of private property. Mrs. Edith Entwhistle explained to police who arrested her: "This is MY bank. Every letter I...

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Taking Care of the Elderly

Funny story: Taking Care of the Elderly

She's ancient, and unfortunately there is no longer anything to her. She seems, in general, to be doing well, but her doctor recently indicated that she needed some dental work done. She had given no indication of discomfort, and we hesitated to allow the use of anesthetic at her advanced age. To our great surprise, they took nine of her teeth, leaving her with only sixteen. The fact that t...

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Elderly resident laments changing of the times, wishes 'cocksucker' was still popular

Funny story: Elderly resident laments changing of the times, wishes 'cocksucker' was still popular

Harfold, Vt. - Harfold resident Samuel Cater, 86, pondered today the changes he's witnessed throughout the years, and he regrets seeing so much slip out of fashion. "I remember," reminisced Cater setting his Playboy aside, "when you could call som...

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