Ahh the age old debates: Fur vs. Nudity. Wrinkly wizened wisdom vs. supple flexibility.
Today marked a clash of the worldviews as well as a clash of the generations as young and old took to the streets to protest ... each other!
An animal rights group recently launched a national advertising blitz for its latest venture: an adult website where members take it all off for good causes: Money! Attention! Notoriety! And debatably to raise awareness of animal cruelty by associating it with the high of endorphins that comes from touching oneself in the privacy of one's own home to pictures of naked women.
In another racy attention grab, lingerie football players decided to take off the last vestiges of their dignity and pose as God intended: in provocative and quite bare-assed poses.
The bottom line: "You shouldn't wear fur, so neither will we. See?"
We see all too well ladies and we thank you for bringing us to attention. I mean, for bringing attention to this stimulating issue.
However, not all attention has been positive.
The Centrum silver generation, whose sensibilities are easily offended (for instance by the unwed holding hands or by married couples sleeping in the same bed) have taken special umbrage at the loose ethics of the animal rights harlots and their upper management pimps. Not only that, but they really don't want to give up their fur coats and shawls, because then they'd be really, really cold.
Asked for comment, one octogenarian said "I really don't understand what these women are thinking, they claim they're against cruelty to animals and yet they're allowing themselves to be treated like... meat. Apparently we must treat animals with dignity, but... not each other?"
Things nearly came to blows when a swarm of grannies slowly trudged up the street in their fur coats to protest the nubile young women disrobing in the street. Well, not even so much trudged as slowly shambled behind their walkers or, barring that, rolled up slowly in their power chairs.
It was quite a sight to see the wrinkly saggy-bosomed old hags protesting porn while perky young ladies without a trace of fuzz or fur stripped past their skivvies to protest their own grandmothers' vintage fur.
Sadly there were no winners today, except perhaps the onlookers who were clearly enjoying themselves over the spectacle.
Had the roles been reversed, perhaps the outcome would have been different. It might have become oh so apparent to the animal rights tramps just how wrong it is for granny to get naked in public. And granny, would realize just how wrong it is for those attention whores to wear her fur. Because now she's really, really cold, and it's making her trick knee act up and "Who are all these people? Why are they naked and why am I naked? When's lunch? That reminds me of this one time back in 1924..."
