Lockdown to be enforced on alternate days
The on-off on-off lockdown put in place by the government due to the Coronavirus is set to be scheduled for yet another change, according to reports coming out of Downing Street this morning. All but 'essential workers' were told to "baton down th…
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Government redefines 'vegetable' to tackle obesity
The current drive to reduce obesity took a strange turn today. Mike Okesflat, Health Minister, told us that, rather than get people to eat less and exercise more, they would simply redefine the meaning of 'vegetable'. "We all know that you hav…
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London Bombings - Anti looking at people in a funny way Law Introduced
In the wake of the recent totally unsurprising bomb attacks on the London Transport system the British Government have introduced a raft of new measures designed to show that something is being done.
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Matt Lesko arrested for selling Federal Government secrets
Washington DC - Last week, Matthew Lesko was taken into custody by FBI agents. Lesko was unavailable for comment, however FBI representative Chambers had this to say: "Mr. Lesko has been soliciting government secrets for years. Right under our n...
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Chinese internet hero blown to Smithereens
In a protest to his government’s ban on internet access, the Chinese modern day crusader defied government orders and used his laptop to get internet access in Tiananmen Square. Determined to crack down and further prevent the spread of the protest, Chinese officials sent troops and a column of tanks. In a gesture similar the students protest in 1989, Chinese hero Wan Dum Fuk stood in front...
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Toddler savaged by government watchdog
There were calls for changes to The Dangerous Bureaucrats Act last night, after a 3-year-old girl was admitted to Great Ormond Street Hospital suffering from wounds inflicted by a Government Watchdog that had been left free to roam in a London Park.
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America Replaces Coins With Cons To Fix The Debt Disaster
Fake Contracts
New report states that water is likely to cause cancer
Coronavirus Continues to Mutate in People’s Minds
Statue of Liberty Head Kills 4
UK Government To Take Urgent Action To Simplify Everyday Life
Tony Blair bans voting Conservative and drinking in pubs
Italian Bigotry Exposed in Checkpoint Shooting
US #1 In Spying, Cheating & Lying, Says UN Survey
Downtown merchants like new signs
New Government research reveals absolutely nothing
Robert Kilroy-Silk Voted Off 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here' By Jealous Fellow MEPs
Cannibals To Be Looked After Post-Brexit With Stockpiling of Human Body Parts
People who eat people will "not be forgotten about" after Brexit, sources say. Following the revelations earlier this year from Brexit minister Dominic Raaaaab that the Government is stockpiling food and medicine in case of a No Deal, it has now b...
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Trump Plan Leaves Reporters Wall Eyed
Thursday, Presidente Donaldo Juan Trump outlined bold initiatives to finance the construction of an impenetrable barrier to the southern border of the United States. In a joint venture with the Church & Dwight Company, the first stage of the wall...
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Bush: The Real Life Sauron?
Washington D.C. - After the mass pressure of the public, the government had finally released the photograph in question about our current president, George W. Bush. When the picture was enlarged, it showed the ring of power on his left ring finger.
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Unexploded WWII Bomb Found Under Houses Of Parliament
Army bomb disposal units were called out to an address in Westminster last night, after an enormous unexploded World War II bomb was discovered at the Houses of Parliament. The bomb, estimated to be a 1,000ib device, is thought to have been fitted...
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Weiner's 'Carlos Danger' Ready to Rescue America
New York City -- Carlos Danger, an anti-hero created by mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner, is poised to get the nation moving again. His mission is to serve as America's super scapegoat, accepting the blame for all that is wrong with the USA. "One...
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Ethiopia Blames High Infant Mortality rate on Dying Babies
Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Ethiopian Government officials explained to the international press earlier this week that the principle cause of the country's highest infant death rate in twenty years is due to ‘poor, sick and helpless babies'.
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Man Has Neighbour Who Knows Better Than The Government About Coronavirus
A man from Hull has told of how he won't be taking the government's health advice on the Coronavirus too literally, as his next-door-neighbour has told him it's all a load of shite. Myke Woodson, 56, says that he realises the instructions to keep...
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Cat may hold clue to clawing back data loss
Red-faced ministers and assorted other idiots losing sensitive data may have Twinkle the cat to thank after TheSpoof.com discovered him playing with a new dangly toy. Until now, ministers had been considering using the Trades Descriptions Act to sue...
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Prime Minister Boris Johnson Would Not Bode Well For Those Without Blond Hair
The shock and horror released in equal amounts over last weekend when Boris Johnson officially announced his intention to stand for the leadership of the Conservative party, has subsided, but sinister uncertainties are now surrounding Mr Johnson, and...
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Tea Party accused of turning John Boehner into a zombie
Washington DC -- House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) has been forced to join "the cult of the living dead," according to Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi and other congressional leaders. They charge that the Tea Party branch of the GOP has transformed the...
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Government To Introduce £104 Road Tax For Cyclists
A Whitehall mole today revealed that Transport Minister, Norman Baker, is to introduce a controversial new £104 annual road tax for cyclists. Early reports indicate that the new charges will apply from April 1st 2012 and that there will be no exce...
Read full storyFunny Government Headlines
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New Law Announced
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Surgeon General Dead After Failed Coup
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Government Cuts: Rebuilding of Stonehenge now in doubt
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Selected Political News for W/E 8th April 2012 - with comments
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Why are there more female doctors than male?
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Mayoral "Don't Vote For Me" Plea
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Presidential candidates get campaign kits instead of cash
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Emergency COBRA Meeting at Downing Street as US Ambassador Says Johnson-Trump Relationship Will Be 'Sensational'
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Royal Marines Boarded Ship With 'Minimum Of Force', Lies Ministry Of Defence
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Boris Johnson Reveals Govt. Had Contingency Plan In Place In Case Of His Death
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Iraqi Interim Government Takes Control in First Full Day
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Drugs in Denver
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Parental Justice: New Legislation Taps Kids' Wallets for Mom and Dad Elder Care
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Bush Declares War on Natural Disasters
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Government Proposes Pupil Vetting Records
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Bank Of England To Print More Money Next Year
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Danny Alexander to Change Middle Name by Deed Poll
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London Ban On Men Over 40 Wearing Tracksuits During 2012 Olympics!
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National Security Agency to shift from spying to matchmaking
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Government's Online Covid-19 Press Conference Facility Taken Down After 30 Minutes
