Selected Political News for W/E 8th April 2012 - with comments

Funny story written by Inchcock

Sunday, 8 April 2012

image for Selected Political News for W/E 8th April 2012 - with comments
Friday: "David Cameron's bad week"

Monday 2nd April:

Topic: The economy

"UK economy 'Showing signs of improvement!"

Source: BBC News

The UK economy has shown a few signs of improvement in the first three months of this year, the British Chambers of Commerce (BCC) has said.

The latest quarterly economic survey by the business lobby said that domestic orders and exports were all higher from the previous quarter.

Comment: "I was only saying the same thing to my mate as we left the benefit claims office and went to the Pound-Shop!"

Tuesday 3rd April:

Topic: Elections - Nick Clegg - Lib-Dems

"Local elections: Nick Clegg launches Lib Dem Campaign"

Source: BBC News

Nick Clegg has launched the Liberal Democrats' English local elections campaign, which he admitted will be "tough" for his party. He said the Lib Dems were "delivering for ordinary people", citing increases in the tax threshold and state pension. But he acknowledged they were also "doing controversial things" in government to tackle the UK's deficit.

In last year's local elections the party lost control of nine of their 19 councils and 778 councillors.

He said it was the time to be proud of being a Lib Dem, pointing to the rise in the amount of money people can earn before they start paying tax and the Pupil Premium - extra money for schools to help the most disadvantaged children.

Comment: What about the chancellor's decision to freeze age-related tax allowances for the over 65s, and scrap them altogether for those turning 65 next year? Never mind... as if any of the nepotistic MPs are actually interested in the plight of the poor!

Wednesday 4th April:

Topic: Economy

"Osborne predicts boost from Humber Bridge lower tolls"

Source: BBC News

The Chancellor believes the Yorkshire and Humber economy will receive a £250 million boost from an increased number of motorists using the Humber Bridge.

Toll charges have been reduced from £3 to £1.50 each way for cars.

Motorcycle tolls have now been scrapped.

The lower tolls come as a result of the government writing down almost half the £330 million debt still outstanding on the Humber Bridge.

In an interview with BBC Look North, George Osborne said: "The evidence we have is that the cut in the tolls will boost the local economy by £250 million over the next generation.

"It is really good for jobs, people will be able to find work on the other side of the estuary if they haven't got it now."

Comment: Of course it is easy to reduce the toll charges when the increasing amount of tax on fuel pays for it - Mr Osborne says the local economy will receive £250m boost because the gov is writing down half of £330 debt (say £160m). Now that's a pretty good return but those finding work on the other side will still have to pay £780 each year - Its part of our transport system and should be free, we pay road tax , high fuel prices taxed , in fact we are taxed to the hilt on every thing , our government gives aid to other country's , and its about time they did more for the tax payers!

Thursday 5th April:

Topic: George Galloway - Marriage

As George Galloway unveils wife No4, ex says: 'We never got divorced'

Source: The Sun

THE third wife of newlywed MP George Galloway reacted angrily last night as he unveiled bride No4 - and said: "We never divorced." Rima Husseini, cradling the Respect Party leader's four-month-old son, accused the politician of using outdated Muslim relationship rules as he wooed Putri Gayatri Pertiwi, 30 years his junior.

Rima, who married 57-year-old Galloway in 2007 and also bore him a four-year-old boy, said he had done nothing illegal, but insisted he was behind the times. She said: "We married under Islamic law. There's a misconception you can have up to four wives in Islam, but it's not true.!

Comment: He's getting some publicity is he not? You have to 'Respect' his wishes you see!

Friday 6th April:

Topic: Albert the Ancaconda's fate

"Could William Hague's FCO shake-up threaten Albert the anaconda's future?"

Source: Expat: My Telegraph

When William Hague took office as foreign secretary he lamented the fact that the previous government had seen fit to hive off to various academic establishments the 60,000 historic titles held in the library of the Foreign and Commonwealth Office. The only thing that remained languishing on the empty bookshelves was Albert, a 20-foot long stuffed anaconda.

In a stirring speech this week, Hague outlined how the fusty, unloved Foreign Office now had a glorious new future. He was at pains to underline that it served three vital functions: the maintaining of national security, commercial prosperity and support for British nationals around the world. The UK currently has consular representation in more than 80 countries but Hague wants to open up more embassies especially in countries dismissed by the previous government. He intends to install embassies in Madagascar, El Salvador, Kyrgyzstan, possibly the most difficult country to spell, Somalia and the Ivory Coast.

Comment: Something a bit different to read here!

Saturday 7th April:

No news today - too busy at hospital.

(See My Senior Moments W/E: 8th April 2012)

Sunday 8th April:

Topic: Comment - The Economist

"David Cameron's bad week"

Source: The Economist: Bagehot's column

"Let's not mince words," said one of the Conservative Party's heavy-hitters: our party has come to be seen as arrogant, selfish and-fatally-"out of touch".

The out-of-touch charge has rung in the ears of David Cameron and his closest ally, George Osborne, this week, after days of unforced errors.

Lowlights included a party fund-raiser filmed allegedly offering access to ministers for donations, bungled preparations for a fuel-delivery strike and angry headlines about a budget that noisily cut the 50% top income-tax rate while sneakily raising tax on pensioners and hot bakery snacks (serious stuff: the British like their pasties).

Comment: Much more at the link, I like it!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more