Northern Irish election results cause confusion

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Saturday, 7 May 2022

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Northern Irish politics - fuck knows!

The Geoff Party have claimed victory in the Northern Irish elections, saying that they will now take both seats in the Belfast assembly. Geoff Party leader Geoff Bum said that he was extremely proud of what his party had achieved and that Curly-Wurlies would be banned in the province as soon as possible.

The Jeff Party, who have been in power for the last two years, were disappointed by the result. "I knew it was a bad idea to reduce the number of seats in the assembly to two," said party leader Jeff Anus. "We thought it would help us." Mr Anus also blamed his decision to lower VAT on Curly-Wurlies for the defeat.

The Geoff Alliance came third in the elections and made a statement that their lacklustre campaign to neither encourage nor ban Curly-Wurlies was the reason for their poor support. Party spokesman Geoff Rectum said, "Before the next election we will need to firm up our policy on Freddo."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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