UK Scientists to harpoon and tag MPs

Funny story written by Tragic Rabbit

Monday, 12 May 2008


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Until now, scientists have not known where parliamentary walruses go to hide.

Ten walruses in Parliament have been fitted with satellite tags in a new bid to confirm whether the blubbery beasts ever actually show up for work in their respective houses of parliament.

Last year, the same team tagged eight walruses; however, all but one of the sat-tags failed when the enormous elected mammals sat on them.

The lone working device, fitted to a relatively slim Lib Dem walrus, revealed that he had shown up for votes only twice but had claimed in the same period over £10, 000 in expenses.

The team will use the results of the latest study to identify the secret hideouts and extramarital mating habits of the more elusive members of parliament.

Until now, scientists have not known exactly where parliamentary walruses migrate - come a holiday, the enormous animals simply scarper off.

The devices are attached remotely using a modified harpoon and a CO2-powered gun - because MPs have such thick skin, they feel nothing when the devices are secured, say the researchers.

The team is hoping to combine satellite data from the various tagging studies to finally uncover the mystery of where elected British walruses disappear to when monies are due or a sex scandal hits the papers.

Finding out more about the slippery beasts' movements could help scientists discern the true impact of elections, morality probes and tax audits on the uncanny ability of the MP walrus to elude detection and capture.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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