Shame On You Mitch McConnell
Shame on you, Mitch McConnell, for saying, “Let blue states go bankrupt!” Since when are blue states the enemy? Huh? When doctors and nurses treat patients in the ER, do doctors and nurses first question whether the patient is a Republican or...
Read full storyMisanthrope Accepts Social Distancing With A Wry Smile
BILLINGSGATE POST: When Elmer Smuckmeister heard that the Mayor of Beaver Crossing was making social distancing mandatory in this small farm town in Nebraska, the corners of his pie hole turned upwards. Elmer was not fond of the usual courtesies...
Read full storyMan Emulates Scott of the Antarctic in Horror Journey
A man is recovering today after an heroic journey that has been compared to the ill-fated expedition of Robert Falcon Scott to the South Pole in 1911-12. The man, Julian Apeclinger, a bagpipes-repairer from Osmotherley in North Yorkshire, has been...
Read full storyBritish Cabinet publicly applauds itself. "NHS are good, but we are something else!" claims Johnson
The Prime Minister and fellow Cabinet ministers staged a first, yesterday. Standing outside their respective London residencies, disgruntled about the lack of acclaim for their unique mismanagement of Covid 19, they vigorously applauded themselves. A...
Read full storyAdvanced Buddhist Walking Meditation Incorporates Chewing Gum
For students comfortable with traditional walking meditation, Nashville meditation center Hurry Up and Sit introduced an advanced version, which also incorporates chewing gum. Like typical walking meditation, walking and chewing gum meditation involv...
Read full storyDoctors Successfully Transplant a Woman’s Uvula Into Her Twin Sister
MILWAUKEE – Physicians at Milwaukee’s prestigious Hops Hospital have performed what is believed to be the nation’s first successful uvula transplant. Dr. Lysander Cottoncastle, said that he and his team of experts removed an extra uvula from Dotti...
Read full storyEx-Cowboy Dez Bryant Says That Jerry Jones Better Pay Dak Prescott or Else Dak Will Vamoose
DALLAS – Former Dallas wide receiver, and infamous “Bad Boy”, Dez Bryant, has chimed in on the Jerry Jones – Dak Prescott contract controversy. Many sports reporters say that Dez had the worst attitude of any Dallas Cowboy since the team first cam...
Read full storyMovie Theaters in Texas are the First to Reopen
SAN ANTONIO – The Davy Crockett Movie Theater Multiplex in San Antonio, opened its doors for the first time in weeks. A crowd of movie-goers, estimated to number about 17, quickly filed in. Ruby Jo LaGrange, 24, was the first to go in. She was...
Read full storyAmerican Idol is Now Down to the Top 10 Singers
HOLLYWOOD – Tahiti Zeppelin, with Hollywood Hors D’oeuvres, reported that the very pregnant Katy Perry appeared on American Idol dressed as a roll of toilet paper. She pointed out that Ryan Seacrest, Luke Bryan, and Lionel Richie all quickly fire...
Read full storyScientists find a parasite in the White House
Washington, DC. - New epidemiological studies have found a never-before seen microbe replacing the "Leader of the Free World", President Donald Trump, with some conspiracy paranoia and total ineptitude facing the global pandemic that is taking lives.
Read full storySpoof Points Now Redeemable In Stores
There was a great amount of excitement from a small amount of people earlier this evening, when it was announced on satirical news website, TheSpoof.com, that the points writers are awarded for writing stories will soon be redeemable for cash values...
Read full storyProtesters At Michigan Capitol Demand Haircuts
An unruly group of about 100 protesters posturing at the capitol of Michigan are demanding that governor Whitless immediately sign an executive order to allow them all to get free haircuts. All of them have come armed with scissors and homemade sign...
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