Could Miley Cyrus' Vagina Hold Clue To Vaccine?
For the first time, one of the many COVID-19 vaccines in development has protected an animal, rhesus macaques, from infection by the new coronavirus, scientists report. The vaccine, an old-fashioned formulation consisting of pubic hair and pussy juic...
Read full storyWoman High On Ice Cream Rides Horse Into Speeding Train
BILLINGSGATE POST: In the official publication of the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, Dr. Wolfgang Dorkhammer describes a case study of a San Francisco woman, apparently high on Haagen-Daz Ice Cream Bars, who rode her horse head-on into a frei...
Read full storyPandemic an opportunity for investors
The world might be in lockdown, but there's big money to be made out there by eagle-eyed capitalists. Funeral company, Grave Situation, of Bury, England have reported a 350% increase in turnover for April, after they offered a two-for-the-price-of...
Read full storyTeenager still plucking up the courage
Teenage chess prodigy Thomas Johnson is still plucking up the courage to ask out Sarah Fitzmaurice. He has been wanting to ask Sarah out for months now, but in lockdown, she is all he is thinking about. 'I could ask my parents,' said Tom, 'but...
Read full storyMike Pompeo launches fresh attack on the Who over coronavirus
Confused Secretary of State, Mike Pompeo, has leveled more charges at British rock band, The Who, saying it needs to be held 'accountable' for failures tracking the coronavirus. Pompeo's attack, delivered on conservative Fox News host, Laura Ingra...
Read full storyClothes shop still going
A local purchaser of clothing, Gary Johnson, is still being sent emails by Menswear Emporium Burton, with 25%, 50%, or 75% off, even though they never have anything in his size. 'Yes,' began Mr Johnson, 'many years ago, when I was a young man abou...
Read full storyApple Announces iPhone 12 Will Use Genitalia Recognition
(Cupertino, California) Acknowledging a new world order due to the pandemic where society will never return to normal, Apple announced that the next generation iPhone – the iPhone 12 – will feature genitalia recognition to unlock the screen, rather t...
Read full storyBurglars Suffer Corona Crash
AN appeal has been launched to help the forgotten victims of the CV pandemic – burglars. Since the start of lockdown, the burglar industry has fallen on hard times, with queues of the desperate crooks forming at food banks. Buster ‘Fingers’ Bug...
Read full storyMan Has Become Scourge Of His Neighbourhood For Refusing To Clap NHS Workers
A man has created a storm and incurred the wrath of his neighbours after refusing to stand outside his house at 8pm on Thursday nights to clap the efforts of beleaguered NHS workers. Myke Woodson, 56, from Oaf-on-Sea, says that he acknowledges the...
Read full storyMembers of the Never Trump Organization Say That None of Them Have Received Their $1,200 Economic Impact Checks
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump has said that the $1,200 Economic Impact Checks have all been mailed out. A spokesman for the anti-Trump group calling itself the Never-Trump Organization told the media that none of their more than 65,000 member...
Read full storyNew COVID-19 strain traced to Prince Charles
The World Health Organisation today revealed a new strain of COVID-19, COVID-19.1, has been identified. A WHO spokeswoman, Pam Van Demic, further revealed the new strain's characteristics. Speaking from WHO's Zurich headquarters, Ms Van Demic exp...
Read full storyShop Window's collection of dead wasps growing
The baker's shop in Mithering on the Trent now has the charming little village's biggest collection of dead wasps, following a study by local nerd, Shane Brassingthwaite. 'You all know my sister, Tracy,' said Shane. 'The one who says "hey up, me d...
Read full storyAn Undefeated Cuban Boxer Knocks Himself Out
HAVANA – The man who is considered to be one of Cuba's best boxers has just lost his first fight. Francisco "Chico" Dominico, 28, who was a 9 to 1 favorite over Venezuela’s Manny “El Puncho” Mendoza, started off pretty good, landing several devast...
Read full storyDennis Rodman to Visit Kim Jong-un in the Hospital
LOS ANGELES – One of the NBA’s greatest rebounders has informed the news media that he will be traveling to Pyongyang, North Korea, to visit his BFF, Supreme Leader, Kim Jong-un, in the hospital. Rodman, who has more tattoos, piercings, and gold j...
Read full storyMcDonalds To Start Selling Beer
CHICAGO – The nation’s leading hamburger chain has just made an announcement that has shocked the fast food industry. Uma Ragland, a spokesperson for the golden arches company, said that the Coronavirus pandemic has really affected their business.
Read full storyTrump Assures Americans that They’ll Be Able to Return to Their Crappy Low-Paying Jobs without Health Insurance Soon
With the end of the national COVID-19 lockdown in sight, United States President Donald Trump reassured Americans currently unemployed as a result of coronavirus-related business shutdowns that they will be able to return to their crappy, low-paying...
Read full storyMan's Friend Thinks China Started Coronavirus To Destroy Western Economies
The latest on the deadly Coronavirus is that a man who has a Facebook 'friend' he hasn't seen since school, says the 'friend' firmly believes China developed the virus specifically to spread throughout the world in order to destroy western economies,…
Read full storyWebMD Algorithms Prove Unflappable on Company's Covid-19 Self Diagnosis Site
(Elgin, Illinois) Since its founding in 1998, WebMD has been a valuable medical website to educate its visitors on a myriad of health-related topics. From learning about Morgellons Disease to understanding if your body is low on Hyaluronic Acid, WebM...
Read full storyGreta Thunberg New Single Out This Week
Greta Thunberg, the Swedish schoolgirl global warming climate change environmental activist, has had an exhausting twelve months, wagging her admonishing index finger at governments worldwide, but she's also been busy in the recording studio, and rel...
Read full storyBon Jovi's Song Contest About The Coronavirus Meets With Aggression From Online Humor Writer.
Bon Jovi, the leader of the Grammy award-winning popular rock band from Boston that also bears his name, has gotten an unexpected pie in the face from an unnamed humor writer from the online website 'Humoroutcasts'. It all started when Jon Bon Jov...
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