Colonel Moammar Gadhafi To Star With Rob Pattinson, Aishwarya Rai, and Johnny Depp in "Dictators Without Borders"
TRIPOLI, Libya - Libyan Dictator Colonel Moammar Gadhafi has looked very, very close and he has seen the writing on the wall. The dictator who angered his people by imposing a 60 percent tax increase on camel food has met with a representative wit...Read full story
Story Baffles Readers - Writer disowns himself
After believing for more decades than he'd care to remember that he did not actually exist, Colonel Sanders (aka the invisible piss fish) has inevitably died. He met his end in a fit of uncontrollable rage with the sheer disgust he felt at the 'we bu...Read full story
The Green Bay Packers Offer To Pay Charlie Sheen $2 Million For The Use Of His Word "Winning!"
GREEN BAY - The World Champion Green Bay Packers, winners of Super Bowl XLV, have been in contact with Charlie "Sir Warlord" Sheen in regards to use of his patented one-word saying "Winning." The Packers front office has stated that they would lik...Read full story
Katy Perry's Three Big Boobs
After marrying comedian Russell Brand Katy Perry has been feeling terribly lopsided. Her balance and equilibrium have been out of whack and so she's been undergoing extensive medical and psychiatric analysis to detect the source of the problem.Read full story
Universities to Start Printing Diplomas on Blankets
Washington D.C.- Today Dr. Robert M. Berdahl, the President of the influential Association of American Universities (AAU), an influential organization consisting of 61 of North America's most prominent research universities, has unveiled an agreement...Read full story
Miley Sues Over Inflatable 'Cute Miley Baby Doll'
Pop starlet Miley Cyrus is said to be distraught over an inflatable blow-up doll which has been created in her image. The star likes to have a 'wholesome' image and is shocked that perverts are buying the sex-toy which has been made in her honour.Read full story
Green Party claim "capitalism has failed"
Today MonkeyInTheBath news had the pleasure of interviewing the leader of the British Green Party, Calorie Spielberg. Our best interviewer, known only as Me, was sent along. Me: Miss Spielberg, congratulations on becoming leader of the Green Party last year. CS: Thank you. Of course, we are all hippies so we don't really believe in leaders. But we decided it might be useful for us to have on...Read full story
"Hello, Is It Me You're Looking For?" Lionel In Frame To Replace Cowell on X-Factor
Television bosses are in crisis talks with Simon Cowell and are desperate in 'wrapping' up who will be judges on the UK X-Factor. Desperate TV bosses have attempted to bribe Simon into continue to commute by private jet between LA and London. I...Read full story
Katy Perry Spaced-out On Alien 'ET' Video With Kayne West
Katy Perry has had a stunning alien makeover and in a lavish pop video is shown falling to an alien planet to seek her long-lost love, Kayne West, whom she finds inside of an ET which she finds on the planet. The special effects on the video show...Read full story
NanoChip Brain Implant Allows Users to Instantly Speak Foreign Language
The first-ever nano-chip language translators are rolling off the assembly line and into cosmetic surgeons' offices quicker than you can say "Se Habla Espanol?" No longer will it be necessary for those wishing to learn a second or even third language...Read full story
Magnetic Pole Shift Causes Massive Pile Up of Birds at Equator
The saying "Birds of a Feather Flock Together" rang true today when residents living at or near the equator around the world noticed an over abundance of birds in their yards and fields. Eduardo Morales, who lives just five miles from the Equator...Read full story
Louis Walsh Said UK X-Factor Is 'Crumbling To Pieces'
Louis Walsh is said to be furious that Simon Cowell is allowing the UK X-Factor to 'crumble' to pieces. He is furious over Cowell's lack of commitment to the UK show and his preoccupation with the US X-Factor. Both Louis and Dannii are furious...Read full story
This contest between newcomer Ben Gazer and the old slammer Martin Gadd has been quite a fight. In the early rounds Gadd nearly had a knockout with a punch to the solar plexus, but after a chat with his seconds and a storm of encouragement from hi...Read full story
Obama a Greater Writer than Shakespeare
A rarefied group of leading literati convened recently to evaluate the writing genius of Barack Obama. They came to a surprising conclusion: Barack Obama may in fact be a greater writer than William Shakespeare. It's important to note that none of...Read full story
New Species Delights Evolutionists
Evolutionists are today celebrating, after the discovery of a brand new species of aquatic life. The discovery was made by a local fisherman off the coast of Japan, right next to the tragic Fukushima Nuclear Plant. He told reporters "I knew as s...Read full story
Rangers F.C. Scottish footie giants go bust!
One of Scotland's most proud heritages could go bust, Rangers F.C. Footie giants in Scotland and minnows around the world face a dire financial period hoping that the Inland Revenue doesn't knock on their door again. The Scottish renowned for thei...Read full story
Cowell Has Cloned Himself
Simon Cowell has been cloned by X-Factor bosses as they desperately need him in two places at once. An inside source said "Cowell has been asked to judge the UK X-Factor by satellite link and there is a 50% chance that he will refuse." The televi...Read full story
Underage sex-makers to be enticed with fruit flavoured morning after pill
A morning-after pill manufacturer is set to compete for custom by producing the tablet in an array of enticing flavours to encourage more under-age sex makers to coming crying to their brand when trying to remove all consequence of last nights reckle...Read full story
William's UFO safari 'shot down massive mothership'
Anglesey - Clips from the five minute aerial skirmish were posted on the Royal YouBoob! site today as the Queen visited RAF Valley in Wales. The footage shows RAF search and rescue pilot Prince William singlehandedly shooting down an ominous mothe...Read full story
President Barack Obama Speaks About His Chillingly Sad Childhood Diet
LONDONDERRY, Vermont - President Barack Obama was in town addressing the yearly convention of The Vermont Molasses Makers Coalition. He stressed to the convention goers how important the molasses industry is to the entire nation. He pointed out that everyone including himself and the "First Mama" have a tendency of taking pancake syrup for granted. He said that ever since he can remember the...Read full story
Kate Middleton 'Up The Duff'
Kate Middleton was spotted shopping at Mothercare looking wistfully at baby clothes. The soon to be Royal princess is obviously looking to her future after marriage. Insiders have speculated that she is already pregnant as she has stopped drinkin...Read full story
April Fool to take entire British media to court
On a day traditionally accepted as the one day in the year when the media are allowed to write concocted and totally untrue stories - except of course for the Sun and Star who generally do it 6 days a week all year around - it has turned out a miser...Read full story
American Idol Eliminates Two Singers In One Fell Swoop
LOS ANGELES - American Idol host Ryan Seacrest stood on the stage with the "Bottom 3" contestants and quickly told Paul "The Shoe Shuffler" McDonald that he was safe. Peaches Seacrest then turned to the two remaining "Bottom 3ers" Naima "Jumpin' J...Read full story
Democracy in Danger
Sir Algernon Carstairs-Brown, known to his friends as 'Algae', is on the warpath on behalf of 'all right thinking people'. In a speech to his local Conservative Party in Tunbridge Wells he let loose on those who had protested against the cuts and who threatened to upset the Royal Wedding. 'We have a choice between Violent Anarchy and Constitutional Monarchy' he told his audience 'we know al...Read full story
Bachmann Hoax: Crowned Queen of the Bile!
It is reported today that Congresswoman Michele Bachmann has been the subject of a hoax similar to the one perpetrated on Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin when he thought he was talking to one of the Koch bothers. Although her office is officially...Read full story
A Worried Tory
Sir Algernon Carstairs-Brown is a worried man. The leading Tory Backbencher who keeps the Party 'on track' has been faced with terrible news. He always knew the Brown in his honourable name Carstairs-Brown, was from his grandmother Gordina Brown. Now, through his examination of his ancestry on the internet he has discovered a link between Gordina and the recent Labour Prime Minister Gordon Brow...Read full story
More Defects for Libya?
After Nick Clegg's surprise defection to Libya, where he has now been made Foreign Minister, rumours are spreading of more possible defects among the LibDems. Unfortunately nobody knows who these LibDems are but political commentators are busy try...Read full story
Mayans Confused as New 2013 Calendars Start Arriving in Mail
Mayan Chieftan Ah Balam got the surprise of his life yesterday when he opened his mail to find a copy of a 2013 desk calendar, sent to him courtesy of his car insurance agent, Ix Cuat."I thought we were all on the same page with this." Balam said. "A...Read full story
Manchester United announce new pricing structure for next season
Always innovating, Manchester United are announcing a new pricing scheme for the 2011/2012 season: Pay what you weigh. Each of the turnstiles will have a set of scales outside, and fans will have to stand on them prior to entry to the ground. What...Read full story
Morning After Pill Available in Wales
Pharmacies in Wales will be the first to trial the brand new "morning after" pill which has already been a big success in the US. Health Minister Edwina Hart made the announcement in the Commons yesterday, claiming that the pill would have a benef...Read full story
What is a Moussa Koussa?
* A Fiji Island beverage with guava juice, dark rum and a little umbrella as in "Some more peanuts, mate and make that a double Moussa Koussa." * A scaly rash in the intertriginous regions of the scrotal sac as in "I'm sorry, but it feels better when I scatch my Moussa Koussa." * A 3-wheeled taxi in Nepal as in "How come you can never find a Moussa Koussa at 3 AM?" * A Libyan defector...Read full story
Sian Williams opts Out Of BBC Breakfast Move
Popular presenter Sian Williams will not be cooperating with the BBC's proposed movement of early shift's breakfast times from 5.00am to 5.30 am, a source from within the organisation revealed today. "Ms Williams is furious at the suggestion that...Read full story
Libya Admits Foreign Minister Visit To UK
The Libyan government has finally admitted that Foreign Minister Moussa Koussa is currently in London. After days of speculation that one of Colonel Gaddafi's chief aides had defected, the Libyan Minister of Information Moussa Ibrahim did, however...Read full story
Why are some humans so stupid?
Some human beings are genetically less intelligent than others because their DNA developed over thousands of years in rich environments filled with vegetation and heavy rain fall. A more challenging environment promotes the development of more intelligent DNA to cope with scarcity and environmental difficulties. In Austin, Texas the police were giving a woman a ticket over a minor traffic viol...Read full story
Missing Cobra Found at the Bronx Zoo; Oprah Invites Her to Chicago
The snake captured the attention of the world when she was on the run for six days. But Thursday morning, she herself was captured when Bronx Zoo officials found her in a corner of the Reptile House. "I was hoping to see the world but never qui...Read full story