NBA Fines Kobe $100,000 for Derogatory Comment: "No More Slurs, You Purple-Gummed Cotton Harvester."
An NBA spokesman says the league has fined Los Angeles Lakers' Kobe Bryant $100,000 for apparently using a derogatory homophobic term about a referee in a game on Tuesday. "Kobe Bryant's comment during last night's game was offensive and inexcusab...Read full story
Lady Godiva Accidentally Embroiled in Phone Hacking Scandal Due to Wrong Number
LONDON & SOMEWHERE IN CANADA - Lady Godiva, renknowned spoofer, said that she was accidentally awarded a £200,000 (CN$314,000/US$325,000) settlement by News Corporation, because a hacker had illegally tapped her phone - on accident. Lady Godiv...Read full story
Obama To Announce Formation Of "Department Of Drug Cartel" To Balance Budget
The Associated Press released an early excerpt from President Obama's speech to the Nation this afternoon in which the President will declare that the war against the Mexican drug cartels has been a well documented failure. Using the well worn m...Read full story
Harry Redknapp Has Gone Bonkers
Tottenham Hotspur manager Harry Redknapp was said by Spurs medical staff to be 'comfortable' this evening after he earlier came over all faint during an interview, when he told journalists that his side would be extremely capable of overcoming their...Read full story
Dancing With The Stars: Sugar Ray Leonard Gets "Knocked Out"
HOLLYWOOD - The boxer who holds championship belts in five different weight classes will not be getting this years Dancing With The Stars coveted Mirror Ball Trophy. Sugar Ray Leonard and his professional dance partner Anna Trebunskaya, a native o...Read full story
Eight-foot portrait of nude in chains 'looks like News of the World hackette Rebekah Brooks'
London - Entitled 'Flamin' Allegory' the painting shows a ruddy-haired near-naked woman chained to rocks 'like some feminist Prometheus'. In the background ominous Leonardo Da Vinci-style Virgin on the Rocks monoliths partially obscure a burning o...Read full story
Chelsea and Man City to join forces, someone has to beat United!
In an unprecedented move the owners of "loser" clubs Chelsea and Manchester city are to join together and form one club in a desperate attempt to beat Man United at last! The new manager of the super-rich club is to be the "Special One", José Mour...Read full story
Kate Middleton as Miss Havisham on Pratts Bottom crop circle
Berkshire - The season's first crop circle - depicting Kate as a latter-day Miss Havisham - has appeared just yards from the Middletons' Bucklebury home. The 100ft diameter etching in a Pratts Bottom rape-seed field shows the desperate royal wan...Read full story
Cost of Barrels hit $60/bbl, Actual Driving Force Behind Oil Price Hikes
NEW YORK & LONDON - As the price of crude oil reaches $121/bbl ($0.80/litre), many have blamed the tensions in the Middle East and Africa for the hikes. However, a new investigation has found out that the price of one barrel (158l) is the one...Read full story
New Death Star to Sport Glacier Global Partners Logo
The Galactic Empire's newest superweapon will be named the Glacier Global Partners Death Star. In an unusual cross-marketing deal, the most destructive force in the Universe will team up with a tiny, obscure White Plains, NY-based financial firm wit...Read full story
Sun Myung Moon Announces Mass Wedding Ceremony of 35,000 In Parliament Square April 29th!
Unification Church Messiah Sun Myung Moon announced he will be holding a mass wedding ceremony in Parliament Square to coincide with the nuptials of Prince William and Kate Middleton April 29. Moon announced his decision after being approached by...Read full story
One Nation Under Hex: Wiccans publish alternative history of the US Presidency
New York - It's been dubbed Michelle Obama's master grimoire of ovulation rites for dummies - 'something that ex-First Daughter Chelsea Clinton-Lewinsky-Mezvinsky could sorely use right now!' The first print run hit NYC bookstores this morning and...Read full story
Richard Trevithick turns both ways at once in his grave as Google Doodle strips its gears
The Google Doodle commemorating the 240th birthday of Richard Trevithick, one of the fathers of steam locomotion, tore itself apart today, when the gears at its centre were found to be in a locked formation. Unfortunately, the Doodle had already bee...Read full story
Gagarin: The Truth
Shock waves have rumbled through Russia at the discovery that Yuri Gagarin never went into Space 50 years ago. The hoax was organised in a studio underneath the Kremlin. This same studio was used by the American's for their historic Moon landing.Read full story
An Icelandic naturalist and a travel agent stunned the reading public last Friday when the jointly announced in the NoSun Tribune, Reykjavik, Iceland, that Japanese Snow Monkeys are Migratory. Bjorn Herecomestheson, a noted naturalist in Iceland f...Read full story
Lansley Needs Emergency Care
Health Secretary Andrew Lansley's mission to destroy the National Health Service is coming off the rails. Nurses have no confidence in him and he suffeered another setback when he felt ill at their conference. Emergency services were called but...Read full story
Kindles Feud with Amazon; Angry about Carrying Ads!
When Amazon announced this week that it would be selling a new Kindle model "Kindle with Special Offers," one with advertisements, for $114 ($25 cheaper than the standard Kindle), the news was greeted enthusiastically by some. But not by all. Th...Read full story
Pig Wanted In Connection With Wolf Death
Police in Toyland say they are urgently seeking witnesses to a murder in which a wolf was found burnt to death in a fireplace of a house presumed owned by a pig. The wolf, who was a Housing Inspector for Toyland Council, had been out-and-about on...Read full story
Former Chelsea Player Graham Le Saux Spotted At Bus Stop
A Englishman in the Thai capital of Bangkok today related the unlikely tale of how he spotted the former Chelsea and England left-back Graham Le Saux waiting at a bus stop in the city as he went to work. Moys Kenwood, who works as a 'teacher', cla...Read full story
Queen Elizabeth Has Personally Asked Kanye West To Write A Rap Song For The Royal Wedding
LONDON - Kanye West told FOX News that he recently received a text message from Buckingham Palace. The hip hop, rap artist revealed that the text message was from Queen Elizabeth herself. West said that at first he did not believe it and actually...Read full story
Andrew Lansley 'Lacks Guts' To Face Nurses' Rally After Youthful Shenanigans
Health Secretary, Andrew Lansley, has been accused of having no "guts" after declining to address nurses today. Members of the Royal College of Nurses plan a "no confidence" vote on him after his decision not to follow tradition and take the Minis...Read full story
Rob Pattinson Talks About His "Tell All" Book On The Behind-The-Scenes Tidbits of The Twilight Movies
LOS ANGELES - Rob Pattinson, star of the Twilight series has stepped into the role of author with his soon-to-be-released tell-all book titled The Twilight Tidbits. In the book RPattz tells about the very first time that he and Kristen Stewart kis...Read full story
Warehouse 13 Disappears - Like an Artifact! But Stargate's Back.
Furious TV science fiction fans are up in arms again following the disappearance of another of their favourite shows from the schedules. Warehouse 13 features secret service agents Myka Bering and Pete Lattimer who track down powerful and dangerou...Read full story
U.K University To Open U.S Campus
Warwick University is about to become the first British university to set up a campus in the United States. Its favourite to win a global competition to establish a science campus in New York, despite facing stiff competition from other universiti...Read full story
Video of the Cher Nobel Prize now available
Fukushima - According to reporting from the venue, and confirmed by our staff, video of Cher awarding the Nobel prize for greatest reactor drama is now available. The audience was all a "ga ga" with admiration and everyone was star struck. Everyw...Read full story
Blue Peter Dog Dies
Tributes have been pouring in for Blue Peter dog Lucy who died of cancer last week aged 13. The golden retriever became an instant hit with the viewers when she first appeared on the children's show in 1999 and has remained a firm favourite ever s...Read full story
Actors Unite To Oppose Cuts
Leading British actors have got together to protest against the latest round of Arts Council cuts. Sir Patrick Stewart and Samuel West were amongst the large number of artists who handed a petition in to Downing Street requesting a summit of inter...Read full story
Annie Lennox To Receive The Silver Clef
Former Eurythmics singer Annie Lennox is to receive the 2011 Cause Celebre prize which is bestowed every 10 years on the celebrity who has participated in the highest number of good causes in the previous decade. From 2000 to 2010, the Aberdeen bo...Read full story
Piers Morgan Talks About Queen Elizabeth's Amazing Hat Addiction
NEW YORK CITY - British native Piers Morgan says that he is really doing very well for himself and added that his talk show Piers Morgan Tonight is holding its own in the ratings. Morgan does not hide the fact that he has already in a very short s...Read full story
Children's Television's Enduring Twosome Finally Address Nature of Their Living Arrangement
SESAME STREET, NY - In an interview conducted by television reporter and journalist Kermit the Frog, two of Sesame Street's long-time residents have finally acknowledged exactly what their relationship is. Amid lingering rumors and speculation from neighbors as well as executives at PBS as to the true nature of their living arrangement, Bert and Ernie have decided to lay it all on the line and...Read full story
Why In The World Did Rosie O'Donnell Defend Chris Brown's Good Morning America Spoiled Brat Outburst?
NEW YORK CITY - Robin Roberts, of Good Morning America, asked Chris Brown about his ex-girlfriend Rihanna. He wanted to talk about his new CD. "Red" Robin asked about her again. The brother said he was there to talk about his CD and not about the...Read full story
Scary Clown Lizard Erin Moran Fakes Orgasm, Releases Electromagnetic Pulse-like Wave of Impotence Throughout Nation.
Erin Moran, the scary clown-lizard actress that Happy Days creator Garry Marshall passed off as sexy for years, has devastated the penis-wielding public from coast-to-coast, when a leaked video of her faking an orgasm while a cast member of Celebrity...Read full story
Alcoa Can't Wait
Growing ever more impatient, Alcoa, ALuminum Company Of America, today, declared that it can't wait. "I'm sorry," said Klaus Kleinfeld, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Alcoa, "but we can't wait any longer.". Nicholas (Nick) Ashooh, Vice Pr...Read full story
The Texas Legislature Studies the Use of Teleportation to Ease Traffic
Not only was the Trans Texas Corridor scrapped from the Texas Legislature's To Do list, the entire phrase "Trans Texas Corridor" will be stricken from all memos, bills, random pieces of papers, emails, and post-its. HB1201 was introduced by Rep. Loi...Read full story
Pope Sues Over Poster
"The advert is deeply offensive to millions of Catholics" was the main objection coming from the Vatican. What advert? The offensive billboard displayed throughout Italy and beyond depicts Pope Benedict on a golf links wearing a striped tee-shirt and tartan knickerbockers. We see him waving his putter in the air and leaping for joy as the ball is about to drop into the hole at the 12th. In the...Read full story
Iceland Phallogical Museum Beseiged with Potential Donations, But the Competition is Stiff, Says Curator!
Interest in Iceland's Phallogical Musuem (that's PENIS to you Brit Readers) has gone viral with the announcement they have received their first human donation from a local 95 year old man. Incidentally the man was dead when the appendage was surgical...Read full story