Popeye Dead After Eating E.Coli Tainted Spinach

Funny story: Popeye Dead After Eating E.Coli Tainted Spinach

The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs announced today that Popeye the sailor had died after eating spinach that was tainted with E. Coli bacteria. The USDA had issued warnings concerning possible bacterial exposure from tainted spinach a couple...

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Spoofer Found to Be Ironically Post-Modern

BIRMINGHAM, ENG. - Spoofer Inhopeless today, was found to be absolutely ironic today after his spoofs were suggesting he was being post-modern. "You see," said Erskin Quint, a fellow spoofer, "it appears that he has written self-referential articl...

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British people too thick to understand AV claims senior Conservative

Funny story: British people too thick to understand AV claims senior Conservative

A senior Conservative and supporter of the 'No to AV Campaign' has gone on record as saying that the British electorate is way too stupid to be trusted with a complex voting system like the Alternative Vote. Conservative Party whip Sir Quentin Smy...

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Charles Manson To Write His Memoirs

Funny story: Charles Manson To Write His Memoirs

Los Angeles, CA - Serial killer and arch fiend Charles Manson reportedly is busily fiddling around in his jail cell writing his memoirs. The publishing company, "Bloodthirsty Junk Online, Inc." contacted him via his "celebrity serial killer c...

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Glenn Beck's Earth Day Message: "Global Warming Is Caused by Humans - Socialist Nazi Humans!"

Funny story: Glenn Beck's Earth Day Message: "Global Warming Is Caused by Humans - Socialist Nazi Humans!"

In his annual Earth Day message, media luminary Glenn Beck blamed world inaction in addressing the "real and horrifying reality" of global warming on " a carefully orchestrated plan by Al Gore, George Soros, ACORN and other members of a crypto-soci...

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Trump Announces Running Mate to be Gary Busey

Funny story: Trump Announces Running Mate to be Gary Busey

Donald Trump announced today that Gary Busey, the actor would be his running mate for a 2012 match against the incumbent Barack Obama and Joe Biden. Here is what Trump had to say: "Today after careful and thoughtful consideration I have dec...

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Intoxicated Local Man Runs Over Easter Bunny

Funny story: Intoxicated Local Man Runs Over Easter Bunny

A nation bows it's collective head today as grim news spread throughout the country. A local man, who asked to remain anonymous for fear of retaliation, was taken into custody early Friday morning as numerous reputable eye-witnesses claimed to wi...

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You know what big feet means...

Funny story: You know what big feet means...

The bigger the feet...the taller the man. An extensive survey was conducted in the Netherlands, Mongolia, Australia, and Mexico. Results from each country found the same results. The size of a man's foot, is directly correlated with their height. In the Mayan area of Mexico, where the people are of a shorter stature, have smaller feet. Taller men in the Netherlands and Australia tend t...

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Everton Plan To Put A Bomb Under United

Funny story: Everton Plan To Put A Bomb Under United

Everton have revealed that they intend to blow Manchester United's title bid to smithereens when the clubs meet at Old Trafford over the Easter weekend. It appears that Everton are becoming aggrieved by media reports which suggest that the Merseys...

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Joint Use Bill Gains Support of Stoners

Funny story: Joint Use Bill Gains Support of Stoners

Stoners throughout the land are excited to learn that a Joint Use Bill is headed to the floor of the State Senate. "It's about time," said Dylan Holdzer, who makes a living selling hemp shirts at Widespread Panic concerts. "I'm glad that our brethren...

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Kids Get Their Own Airline: NoiseAirBlue

Funny story: Kids Get Their Own Airline: NoiseAirBlue

A major air carrier announced today that it will be starting a new airline. Their slogan: "all children, all noise, all the time." A spokesman for NoiseAirBlue said, "We're proud to give the adult flying public something they've been beggi...

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Headless Body Identified By Dental Records

Funny story: Headless Body Identified By Dental Records

The headless body recently discovered in a Hampshire river by two local environmentalists has finally been identified, following an exhaustive investigation into local area dental records. DCI George Carter, of the police, explained to a packed pr...

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"He nose yer nose!"

Labour leader, little Eddie Centipeed is to undergo a nose operation due to him sounding too nasal and dripping snot when attempting to string whole sentences together. The Labour PR team think such an operation would make him far more appealing t...

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Good Friday leads onto Okay Saturday

Funny story: Good Friday leads onto Okay Saturday

With the success of Good Friday, when shops up and down the nation report trade is booming bigger than Christmas - mainly because they have to shut at Christmas - merchants of England are asking for more days like Good Friday. "Boxing day is quite...

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Researchers Say: 99% Of Females Lack The Satire Gene

Funny story: Researchers Say: 99% Of Females Lack The Satire Gene

Rochester, Minnesota: In a study from the famed Institute For Gender Brain Analysis, a sample of over 500,000 women proves that they lack the MP3 gene. Known in genetic research circles as the "Monty Python" genetic marker, science finally has...

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Isle of Wight News - Annual Pommel Horse Polo Match a Draw

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Annual Pommel Horse Polo Match a Draw

The annual Pommel Horse Polo match between Wooton and Cowes was held Sunday at Wooton Bridge with both teams struggling valiantly to hold out for a draw. Wooton captain Neil Harcourt said "While Cowes has more experience we have newer pommel horses s...

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UKIP demands withdrawal from Eurovision Song Contest

Funny story: UKIP demands withdrawal from Eurovision Song Contest

The leader of the UK Independence Party, Nifel Garage, has called for the UK to withdraw from the annual Eurovision Song Contest. He called the contest "a joke, a ridiculous waste of tax-payers' money, and a perfect example of how not to run an elect...

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Kissinger to lead US ground invasion of Libya

Funny story: Kissinger to lead US ground invasion of Libya

New York - Wearing an 80 pound back pack and carrying an M16, Dr. Henry Kissinger was last seen boarding a military transport bound for the staging area (classified location) for the Libya invasion. Just prior to departing, Dr. Kissinger, panting from the exertion at his advanced age, held a brief press conference on the tarmac. His statement is given below. For years we have tried...

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Spanish nudist gym offers extra penis and boob insurance?

Funny story: Spanish nudist gym offers extra penis and boob insurance?

A Spanish nudist gym, the first of its kind in Spain, has come up with a brilliant idea to insure their punters "private parts" extra just in case they let their weights slip, "ouch"! The gym are offering extra penis and boob insurance in case of...

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Alaska sold to Saudi Arabia

Funny story: Alaska sold to Saudi Arabia

Alaska - She could see Russia from her house. Today, it's a different story, as Sarah Palin has just announced to a stunned gathering outside her home that Alaska has been sold. "I don't know where I can move to an also-to see Russia from my hous...

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Lakefield District Housing Make an Ass of Themselves

Funny story: Lakefield District Housing Make an Ass of Themselves

Lakefield District Housing were one of the hot favourites to win a £1000 prize for energy efficiency when they decided to scrap their 25-strong fleet of vans and instead use donkeys for their or haulage of the equipment needed for housing repairs.

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Charles invites General Pinochet money laundering banker to nuptial freakshow

Funny story: Charles invites General Pinochet money laundering banker to nuptial freakshow

London - Former Riggs Bank CEO Joe Albritton very nearly went bust before his money laundering Pinochet slushfund was rescued by Mossad. He's now been invited to the 29 April cringefest where royal impostor Prince William ties the knot with Buckle...

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McCain Goes to Libya: "Whose side are we on?"

Senator John McCain, dressed in full battle gear, appeared on the tarmac at Andrews Air Force Base this morning to fly to Libya. Surrounded by a battalion of marines, he was heard to ask an aide,"Whose side are we on?" The aide answered "Beats th...

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Jennifer Lopez Is Absolutely Livid At The Fact That 'American Idol' Contestant Casey Abrams Kissed Her

Funny story: Jennifer Lopez Is Absolutely Livid At The Fact That 'American Idol' Contestant Casey Abrams Kissed Her

LOS ANGELES - The woman who People Magazine has just named 'The Most Beautiful Woman In The World' is not a happy camper and in fact she is extremely upset. Jennifer Lopez, who has been a fan of American Idol contestant Casey "The Stand Up Bass" A...

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Wildcat Strikes All Over Scotland

Funny story: Wildcat Strikes All Over Scotland

Scotland has been hit by a wave of wildcat strikes and the disruption is liable to last all summer. World famous naturalist Richard Attenborough, spokesman for the wildcats, explained the reason for their extreme action : "For years, wildcats t...

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No anaesthetic as surgeons prepare to remove Ed Milliband tonsils

Funny story: No anaesthetic as surgeons prepare to remove Ed Milliband tonsils

London - A National Executive Committee hypnotherapisst will knock out the Labour leader with the power of auto-suggestion, it has been revealed. Milliband, 69, has long complained about a 'frog inside his throat' - thought to be a leftover from a...

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Stoke will trade the FA Cup for Champions League for Manchester City

Funny story: Stoke will trade the FA Cup for Champions League for Manchester City

Rumours are abounding that Stoke City manager, Tony Pulis, has done a deal to ensure that Stoke win the FA Cup. However, the beleaguered Stoke boss has denied any such deal has occurred. "There's absolutely no truth in the rumour at all," said Pul...

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Jubilee Line to be filled with shit

Funny story: Jubilee Line to be filled with shit

The Mayor of London Boris Johnson has today announced that the Jubilee Line will be closed for good and filled with billions of tonnes of excrement. After months of suffering for commuters who have had to put up with such excuses as broken down tr...

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The Aliens are Hiding, that's why we can't find 'em!

Funny story: The Aliens are Hiding, that's why we can't find 'em!

Evolutionists are now breathing a sigh of relief as the mystery of the origins of life on Earth might finally be revealed. A boffin of Cambfordshire University, Adrion Kentingsmith, is reported to have announced the following hypothesis in a genui...

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Chef Duff Delivers Royal Wedding Cake

Funny story: Chef Duff Delivers Royal Wedding Cake

Originally chosen by Kate Middleton based on her love of the hit American reality show "Ace of Cakes", Chef Duff, master pastry chef and cake specialist will be delivering his creation just in time for the ceremony. Having designed cakes for the H...

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Fears for William's Big Dipper as hit squad of shooting stars circles Windsor Castle

Funny story: Fears for William's Big Dipper as hit squad of shooting stars circles Windsor Castle

Berks - Astrologers working on Prince William's wedding chart reckon he's ploughing his own succession furrow - as a classic swastika formation of Lyrid meteor shower straddlles Windsor skies this Easter weekend. The annual celestial lightshow occ...

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Fears Grow Over Kate's Weight As Royal Wedding Looms

Funny story: Fears Grow Over Kate's Weight As Royal Wedding Looms

Observers have expressed what they describe as 'very real and substantial fears' over bride-to-be Kate Middleton's weight. Or lack of it. Having spent much of her last days of 'freedom' on shopping trips down Chelsea's Kings Road, the much papp...

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Smog & Drone Horror Feared for Royal Wedding

Funny story: Smog & Drone Horror Feared for Royal Wedding

Fears that anarchists are behind London's Smog Crisis have grown. It is clear to intelligence services that these insurrectionists have mastered the art of weather manipulation! Smog has anarchist footprints all over it. Poisoning the entourage on...

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BBC 'United' Drama Unlikely To Be A Hit On Merseyside

Funny story: BBC 'United' Drama Unlikely To Be A Hit On Merseyside

A BBC drama which depicts events surrounding the Munich air crash of 1958, in which 8 Manchester United players and several fellow passengers lost their lives, is unlikely to be very well received on Merseyside, a BBC insider admitted last night.

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Headless Body Pronounced Dead

Funny story: Headless Body Pronounced Dead

A pair of environmentalists clearing Japanese bindweed from a Hampshire river had quite a shock when they stumbled across a headless body floating in the gently babbling water. Toby Beanstalk and Jack Jugg relived their horror last night, as they revealed that they didn't initially think that body was a dummy, or some sort of practical joke. They knew right away that it was a decapitated bod...

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The Pebble with a Red Streak, Part I

Funny story: The Pebble with a Red Streak, Part I

Adolescence, as we all know, lies between childhood and adulthood. At this unique stage, the individual keeps gaining and losing his freedom. Before long, they all yield to the demands of the social system. During this horrible period terrible things may happen. The 14-year old boy of this story, like his peers, was looking for adventures, so he decided to mountain climb alone. When he reach...

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Blue Peter Dog Laid To Rest

Funny story: Blue Peter Dog Laid To Rest

Blue Peter dog Lucy has finally been laid to rest after lying in state in BBC centre reception since her sudden death on April 4th. The 13 year old golden retriever was one of the most famous pets ever and she has been buried in the BBC garden alo...

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Cathay Pacific Shares Tumble

Funny story: Cathay Pacific Shares Tumble

The Honk Kong based airline Cathay Pacific is facing financial ruin after its share value tanked in the wake of the news that pre tax profits for the year ending March 31st, 2011 had plunged by over 50%. Global brand manager Wing Fen Song has been...

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Congress Completes Investigation of Gas Prices, Conclusion; The Gas Station Signs are all Different

After so many months of suffering through constantly rising gas prices, members of Congress, after being inundated with tens of thousands of e-mails from the American public, decided to actually do something about it, and yes they did. Congress...

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Taylor Swift States She's Tired of Kanye West Playing The "Victim" And Quips "The Bro Needs To Grow Some!"

Funny story: Taylor Swift States She's Tired of Kanye West Playing The "Victim" And Quips "The Bro Needs To Grow Some!"

DETROIT - Country singing sensation Taylor Swift performed to yet another sold out crowd at The Carburetor Coliseum in MoTown. Swift performed three encores and told the people of Michigan that they had out yelled the recent concert crowds in Wisc...

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Drogba In Talks Over Future - United Set To Pounce

Funny story: Drogba In Talks Over Future - United Set To Pounce

Didier Drogba's agents are to hold talks with Chelsea officials this week in order to determine whether the powerful Ivorean striker has a future at Stamford Bridge or not. The 33 year old currently has a year remaining on his contract with the cl...

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Kim Kardashian Explains Why She Will Never, Ever Get A Butt Tattoo

Funny story: Kim Kardashian Explains Why She Will Never, Ever Get A Butt Tattoo

LOS ANGELES - Kim Kardashian had just come out of Grauman's Chinese Theater with her sister Khloe. The two had gone to see the new movie Rio. Both sisters were giggling and carrying on as if they were both in high school talking about their footba...

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Top Cop Predicts Old Firm Carnage

Funny story: Top Cop Predicts Old Firm Carnage

A top cop has predicted "utter carnage" in Scotland ahead of Easter Sunday's Old Firm clash at Ibrox Park between Rangers and Celtic. Inspector Wullie McPherson predicted an upturn of up to 80% on domestic violence figures, principally visited upo...

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Midget Comic Refuses To Be Called "Little Person"

Funny story: Midget Comic Refuses To Be Called "Little Person"

Courageous midget comedian known professionally as IttyBittyFunnyGuy has taken a great big stand against political correctness by insisting on being called a midget instead of "little person", "vertically challenged" or "dwarf". "I'm a midget an...

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In A Real Shocker - Kate Gosselin Says She Wants To Adopt All Six of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's Kids

Funny story: In A Real Shocker - Kate Gosselin Says She Wants To Adopt All Six of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's Kids

PARAPARAUMU, New Zealand - Kate Gosselin has traveled with her 8 kids to film episodes of her show Kate Plus 8 in Alaska, Australia, and now New Zealand. She says that next she would like to go and visit the tiny African country of Loombeezi. When...

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Utah parking meters to collect coins from homeless

Funny story: Utah parking meters to collect coins from homeless

Salt Lake - Tossed out on the street? According to local hobo, Jimmy 'smells' Fitzugutta, that is just the beginning of your problems if you want to stay in Utah. Jimmy says he has been followed around by a 'meter maid' carrying a portable parkin...

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How will Online Dating Sites Protect Women from Assholes?

Funny story: How will Online Dating Sites Protect Women from Assholes?

Online dating has taken a turn for the better this week when the most popular online dating site decided to screen for sex offenders. Women everywhere can applaud their efforts in trying to keep dating safe. The online dating site, while making...

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Go Green Activists Have Actual Green Brains

Funny story: Go Green Activists Have Actual Green Brains

New York - Researchers have discovered that environmentalists and other people who like to "Go Green" actually have a green brain. It has been speculated for the past several years that these types of people might have a green brain. Now, it's...

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Fort Worth Man Gets to Work After Being Protested

Funny story: Fort Worth Man Gets to Work After Being Protested

Fort Worth - Stephen Kingsley, a 32 year old accountant, decided to work today for the first time. Mr. Kingsley was sitting at his desk on the 4th floor of his building when he heard shouts coming from his window. He wheeled himself over to the window and looked down and saw some people standing around with signs and yelling, "No more slacking!" Mr. Kingsley said he didn't hesitate. He s...

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