President Barack Obama Speaks About His Chillingly Sad Childhood Diet

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 1 April 2011

image for President Barack Obama Speaks About His Chillingly Sad Childhood Diet
President Obama talking to a reporter about Mrs. Butterworth. (Photo by Oprah Winfrey).

LONDONDERRY, Vermont - President Barack Obama was in town addressing the yearly convention of The Vermont Molasses Makers Coalition.

He stressed to the convention goers how important the molasses industry is to the entire nation. He pointed out that everyone including himself and the "First Mama" have a tendency of taking pancake syrup for granted.

He said that ever since he can remember there were always three things in the Obama household as he was growing up; a can of Nestle's Quik Chocolate Mix, a bottle of Heinz Ketchup, and a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth's Pancake Syrup.

The president paused to dab away a tear. He said that there were times when those three things were all they had to eat. He said that when times got even rougher his mom would take the Nestle's Quik Chocolate Mix and mix it with tap water.

She would also pour some Heinz Ketchup in a glass and add water to it to make tomato juice.

President Obama dabbed another tear and recalled times when his family was so poor that they could not afford pancakes. So his mom would take the bottle of Mrs. Butterworth's pancake syrup and pour a little bit into his and the palms of his siblings hands and she would tell them to close their eyes and pretend that they were eating a stack of three pancakes.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Wow...I did not think that anything could affect me as strongly as watching an episode of 'Extreme Makeover: Home Edition,' but Abel has sure done gone and done it. This big old dude has just noticed a few tears on the H, J, N, and M keys of his keyboard.]

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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