Underage sex-makers to be enticed with fruit flavoured morning after pill

Written by Deafo

Friday, 1 April 2011

Hey!

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Underage sex-makers to be enticed with fruit flavoured morning after pill
Fruit really a-peels to kids!

A morning-after pill manufacturer is set to compete for custom by producing the tablet in an array of enticing flavours to encourage more under-age sex makers to coming crying to their brand when trying to remove all consequence of last nights recklessness.

The plans were revealed after it was announced that Community pharamacists in Wales can issue emergency contraceptives free of charge, with manufacturers hoping flavours such as 'Strawberry fancy' and 'Banana-lets-split' should shore up the under-age market.

July Dunne, spokeswoman for pill manufacturer LesFix, denied the new flavours were encouraging children to engage in sexual activity by pandering to their developing palates.

She told reporters, 'That is an irresponsible allegation, and tarnishes the reputation of an industry that encourages people to avoid the chaffing discomfort of a condom for the early morning dash to the pharmacy.'

'The flavouring is not an enticement, it's more a reward for choosing our brand.'

'It's comforting, almost. They can suck away, in a way we would have hated them to have considered the night before.'

'Remember kids, oral sex maybe fun, but it can rot your teeth, unlike our flavourings which are sugar-free.'

Ms Dunne slapped down concerns that the new flavouring could see the pill marketed as confectionary, rather than a contraceptive.

'Just because it's free, and tastes exactly like say, skittles, doesn't mean that every kid who can't afford to buy sweets will go to pharmacies pretending to have had unprotected sex the night before.'

'That's right kids, I said free, and I said sweets.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more