New Species Delights Evolutionists

Funny story written by Gary Potter

Friday, 1 April 2011

image for New Species Delights Evolutionists
The Lab Floor

Evolutionists are today celebrating, after the discovery of a brand new species of aquatic life.
The discovery was made by a local fisherman off the coast of Japan, right next to the tragic Fukushima Nuclear Plant.

He told reporters "I knew as soon as I saw it that it was something different. Its head looked fairly fishlike, but its body resembled more of a jellyfish. The biggest give-away though was that it was glowing bright green, as this was 1 o clock in the morning"

Evolution fanatic, Dawkin Richards, told a packed press conference in his usual aplomb "This is the proof we have been waiting for.

Through the tragedy facing Japan, a world paradigm changing theory has been finally affirmed. Mutations have at last been proven to transform a fairly ugly ordinary fish, into a far more complex species, that we have provisionally called a Fishyjell, as Jellyfish has obviously already been used.

This first specimen will be given the scientific name in honour of the area of its discovery and as a tribute to the Japanese people. It shall be called the fukucommon sensus. Up yours creationists!"

However, some proper scientists were not as eager to embrace the Fishyjell. Literally.

Dr Templeton Jedwood Rhubarb of the University of Katmandu questioned the finding.
"It is without doubt a new 'something', however I think we must be very cautious in making any claims that it proves evolutionary theory. Evolutionists tend to believe that mutations, by some mystical means known only to themselves, manage to increase the information in the genome, and thus turn simple things into the more complex.

"This is nothing more than total unscientific quackery. All scientific evidence clearly proves the opposite is true, as we sadly saw demonstrated following the tragic events in Chernobyl. Initial observations are not particularly encouraging.

"Most of our staff are reluctant to be in the same room as the specimen as you get a slight burning sensation on any exposed skin, presumably from the radiation. The Fishyjell also seems to have a limited lifecycle. It seems to be born, to breed, then die within the space of a couple of days.

"I postulate that it might live longer if it had a mouth to enable it to feed. The real problem though for those brave enough to try and investigate this strange creature is that when they try and pick it up, it's skin being more like tissue paper simply splits, leaving a noxious Fishyjell splat on the lab floor. So far we have 3 olympic size swimming pools filled with toxic Fishyjell entrails, so I think it a little premature to laud this discovery as proof of beneficial mutation."

If anyone has a use for the Fishyjell entrails, they are asked to urgently contact Dr Rhubarb direct via post, email or text. Usual text rates apply, plus your standard network charge. Calls recieved after 5pm won't be considered but you may still be charged. Usual terms and conditions apply and are on his website, and Good Luck!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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