Lady Diana to attend William's Marriage Ceremony

Plans are afoot to transport Althrop in order for Lady Diana to attend her son's wedding to Kate Orangensaft. The Metropolitan Police have been told by Buckingham Palace to make the space for Althrop (roughly 450 acres) in their plans. Terry Or...

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Sound Definitions

Funny story: Sound Definitions

Electoral Roll - Packed lunch at the polling station Egg Nog - Noggin The Nog's chicken keeper Crumhorn - Musical cream cake Profiterole - Actor's salary Omelette - Short meditation mantra Letter - Renter of rooms Yorkshire Pudding - Geoff Boycott Reg Varney - Manto's brother Rhode Island Red - New England communist Nudism - Dism updated Francophile - Spanish Civil Wa...

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Japanese Fish Cure Cancer.

Funny story: Japanese Fish Cure Cancer.

In the wake of the latest of Japan's daily earthquake --which on Thursday hit 7.2 on the Richter Scale-- the country's decimated fish industry has been granted new life, now that it has been discovered that Japan's irradiated fish actually cure cance...

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Bronx Zoo Cobra MIA to Make her Formal Debut

Funny story: Bronx Zoo Cobra MIA to Make her Formal Debut

The missing, but then found, cobra has been given a name -- MIA. And on Saturday, at the Reptile House in the Bronx Zoo, she'll make her formal debut into society. The snake has told friends the name MIA (for Missing in Action) doesn't make a l...

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Rangers Deny Sectarian Claims

Funny story: Rangers Deny Sectarian Claims

Rangers chief executive Martin Bain has reacted strongly to UEFA's charge that the club's fans participated in sectarian singing during last month's fixture against PSV Eindhoven. Bain vehemently denies that any such chanting went on and has moved...

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Moussa Agrees Leicester Deal

Funny story: Moussa Agrees Leicester Deal

Former Libyan Foreign Minister Moussa Koussa has become championship side Leicester City's new Director of Football. The surprise news was announced by a delighted Leicester boss Sven-Goran Eriksson at a press conference this morning : "We are...

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Aintree: Ladies Day...more like Halloween in April

Funny story: Aintree: Ladies Day...more like Halloween in April

Ladies Day at Aintree was more like Halloween in April. If those 'so called' ladies think they look classy then I feel sorry for them. Someone should tell them to stop shopping in the High Street Charity Shops.. Looking at the photographs in the 'dailies', most of those knees shown off by mini-skirts, are quite offensive to look at. They should have carried a warning, "Do Not Look If You...

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Cameron Catches a Break, Obama Moves US Into "Most Hated Country" Status After Only 14 Months in Charge!

Funny story: Cameron Catches a Break, Obama Moves US Into "Most Hated Country" Status After Only 14 Months in Charge!

It took over 6 centuries for Britain to be universally hated according to apologist PM Dave Cameron, but it was announced today by an independent international Think Tank President Barry Obama's reign only took 14 1/2 months to surpass the Brits...

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Boehner Refuses to Cut Funding to Congressional Tanning Salon

Funny story: Boehner Refuses to Cut Funding to Congressional Tanning Salon

Washington D.C.- While the battle over budget cuts continues to wage in the capital today, House Leader John Boehner has made one thing clear, "the private congressional tanning salon IS NOT on the chopping block." In a heated discussion with Pres...

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Sperm Donors Monthly Gazette. Letters to the Editor

Funny story: Sperm Donors Monthly Gazette. Letters to the Editor

Dear Sir, As an avid onanist, I was wondering if you could publish the best place to off load my semen. Yours respectfully W. Anker London Dear Sir, In last months edition, you stated that swingers could suppliment their income by putting their jiz in a jar and selling it to a clinic. My wife and I tried this, and it has taken us a month to fill a small jam jar. What sort of pr...

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The Police Want to Talk to Wayne Rooney Say Manchester United Club Bosses

Funny story: The Police Want to Talk to Wayne Rooney Say Manchester United Club Bosses

Manchester United Football Club Bosses have revealed that Wayne Rooney is wanted for questioning by The Police. The announcement was made last night after an incident at Manchester united football club on Saturday afternoon was given wide publicity...

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Clegg in Tears

Funny story: Clegg in Tears

The human side of Nick Clegg has been revealed in a moving article in a magazine. Unfortunately the movement was from the stomach to the throat and thence into a toilet. Clegg says he cried when he took part in the destruction of the NHS. 'Remembe...

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Nick Clegg "Not A Punchbag" Confirms Expert

Funny story: Nick Clegg "Not A Punchbag" Confirms Expert

Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has been complaining about recent stinging criticism. In response to vitriolic attacks he said: "I'm a human being. I'm not a punchbag - I've got feelings." He makes the comments in the latest edition of New Sta...

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Dylan Plays In China

Funny story: Dylan Plays In China

Bob Dylan fulfilled a lifelong ambition last night by playing a concert in China. The performance took place at the Workers Gymnasium in Central Beijing. To commemorate the event, he's brought out a compilation of his greatest hits, specifically tailored to his new found audience : Its All Over Mao, Baby Blue Positivery 4th Street Fujiyama, You've Been On My Mind Its Alright Ma (I...

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"Put Granny on an Ice Floe for Just Pennies a Day!"

A provision in Congressman Paul Ryan's budget had gone unnoticed until late last night when a reporter found s new government program buried deep within the proposal. It is listed under the section, Eliminating Obamacare and is titled: Put Granny on...

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George Lucas says he is not related to Matt Lucas

Funny story: George Lucas says he is not related to Matt Lucas

George Lucas, the man behind the incredibly successful Star Wars trilogy and the less successful Star Wars trilogy, has come out and stated that he is not related to Matt Lucas, bald headed star of Little Britain. "Contrary to claims," said George...

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Internet Explorer 9 has a Porn Filter

Funny story: Internet Explorer 9 has a Porn Filter

Microsoft have admitted that the latest version of their browser blocks all pornographic material by default. "One of the biggest complaints we receive," said IE9 designer, Oprah Safari, "is the accidental viewing of porn." According to researc...

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Wayne Rooney Offered Drastic Advice By Ryan Giggs Yoga Guru

Funny story: Wayne Rooney Offered Drastic Advice By Ryan Giggs Yoga Guru

Wayne Rooney has been offered some life changing advice by the Lifestyle and Yoga Guru of Ryan Giggs. The guru says that Rooney will never be happy unless he makes changes to his life. Change number one would involve giving away all his money t...

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Dancing Elephants

Funny story: Dancing Elephants

Sociologists have long since claimed that dancing in humans is a form of courtship display, no different from the dancing done by Birds of Paradise or Blue Footed Boobies. However, this is hotly contested with dancing a common feature across all huma...

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Obama 'Crown of Thorns' scar is exact match for Vatican reliquary

Funny story: Obama 'Crown of Thorns' scar is exact match for Vatican reliquary

London - A British Museum exhibition of holy artefucts may hold the key to unlocking the mystery of President Obama's 'Crown of Thorns' cranial scarring. Photos published this week show distinctive messianic patterns under the President's haircut...

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Revolutionary weightloss program requires no calorie counting or exercise

Funny story: Revolutionary weightloss program requires no calorie counting or exercise

A revolutionary new diet has been revealed by the Science Department at Weightlookers that allows people to burn extra calories without increasing their exercise amount. Crucially, this diet works better the more that you weigh. "We call it the Aw...

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Angelina Jolie Furious As She Finds An 'Explicitly Lewd Upskirt' Photo of Jennifer Aniston in Brad Pitt's Car

Funny story: Angelina Jolie Furious As She Finds An 'Explicitly Lewd Upskirt' Photo of Jennifer Aniston in Brad Pitt's Car

PROVENCE, France - Fireworks erupted on the grounds of the $26 million mansion according to several of the estate employees. One of the swimming pool caretakers identified as Chevalier Franchot LaFry, 43, said that he was cleaning the leaves out of the pool when he heard quite a commotion coming from the garage area. He walked over and noticed that Mr. Pitt and Ms. Jolie were arguing at the...

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BeyAators

The best show, as of 1976, has been the national and the international news. Such shows have been full of suspense, excitement and incongruities, which make us laugh. As to the actors, they are all genuine, not acting nose-jobbers! From Bangladesh to Western Sahara, we see bearded men in long white robes marching while carrying long thick sticks, shouting. Needless to say that the mind of t...

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Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker Is Now Blaming His Anti-Union Bill On "Witchcraft"

Funny story: Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker Is Now Blaming His Anti-Union Bill On "Witchcraft"

MADISON, Wisconsin - The governor of the "Cheese State" (i.e. Wisconsin) has been catching so much flack, grief, outrage, and resentment over the way he ignored the rights of his state's union workers by outlawing their right to enter into collective...

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Kate Middleton Shocked At The "Sexual Aid" Allegations

Funny story: Kate Middleton Shocked At The "Sexual Aid" Allegations

LONDON - Less than one month ago Kate Middleton expressed to one of her closet friends Winnie Figgyfurst, 36, that she was starting to have second thoughts about the Royal Wedding. Figgyfurst confided to Ta Ta For Now News that Kate had literally...

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Union disbands

Funny story: Union disbands

Surprising news today when the National Union of Non-labourers (NUN) disbanded. The group represents the interests of a wide variety of middle-class professions. The union's leader, Mr Bob Shaft, explained. "We feel that there is nothing left for...

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Dancing With The Stars And American Idol Face The Axe

Funny story: Dancing With The Stars And American Idol Face The Axe

And that's not all - the future of X-Factor USA also appears to be in doubt, and neither Cheryl Cole nor Simon Cowell is to blame. Sitting in a comfortable leather upholstered swivel chair, Ryan Seacrest declared that the problems permeating the s...

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President Obama to Enter NBA Draft

Funny story: President Obama to Enter NBA Draft

Washington D.C.- President Barack Obama has announced that he will be entering the NBA draft this year. He will hire an agent, effectively ending his career as President. "I have decided to pursue what I love, which is basketball. I had thought a...

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Isle Of Wight Shopkeeper Earns Accolade For Customer Service

Funny story: Isle Of Wight Shopkeeper Earns Accolade For Customer Service

A Ventnor shopkeeper has earned a top accolade from a prestigious retail consortium for providing "tip-top, beyond-the-call" customer service. Daisy Prang, who runs the general store in Pillock Hill Road, has received a rosette from the Castleford...

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Security Expert Fears Return To Violence After N Ireland Bodies Dissolved

Funny story: Security Expert Fears Return To Violence After N Ireland Bodies Dissolved

A top security expert is predicting a return of "The Troubles" in Northern Ireland after it was revealed that two of the bodies overseeing the winding down of paramilitary groups have been dissolved. The Independent International Commission on Dec...

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The Seductively Sexy Julianne Hough Reveals That The "Erotically Provocative" Photos On The Internet Proclaiming To Be Her Are Not

LOS ANGELES - American Idol's Ryan Seacrest and his girlfriend Julianne Hough were recently having dinner at the five-star Fiery Tongue of The Dragon Restaurant noted world-wide for their Moo Moo Goo Goo Boo Boo Crab Rangoon. Afterwards they were approached by a long time friend of Ryan's Chipper Caruso of Cowbell Notes Music Magazine. Caruso, who is no relation to Anthony, Abner, or David Caru...

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Prince William Says The Rumor Of His "Lustfully Lascivious" Lap Dance From Heidi Montag Is Simply Not True

Funny story: Prince William Says The Rumor Of His "Lustfully Lascivious" Lap Dance From Heidi Montag Is Simply Not True

LONDON - The soon-to-be wed Prince William recently attended a surprise birthday party for one of his childhood friends Wycliffe Burgershire at Wycliffe's home in Upper Tooting. Wycliffe is the long time friend who first taught William all about f...

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Lady Gaga Caught Surfing "In The Buff" Down At Cabo San Lucas

Funny story: Lady Gaga Caught Surfing "In The Buff" Down At Cabo San Lucas

CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - Lady Gaga flew down to Mexico to get away from the maddening crowd of El Lay as well as to ease her mind regarding her recent highly publicized feud with Beyonce and the lawsuit filed against her by The Lady Gaga Day Care Cen...

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Royal Wedding - Prince Harry - Who's The Daddy?

Funny story: Royal Wedding - Prince Harry - Who's The Daddy?

In a shameful display of guttersnipe journalism at the very nadir of good taste - there are certain dirty minded bastards who have started to question who good Prince Harry's real father is. The problem has arisen since brothers, Harry and William...

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TEA Party auctions off U.S. government

Funny story: TEA Party auctions off U.S. government

In a continuing story, about the recent shutdown, of the U.S. capital, it has been learned that, because President Obama has refused to terminate all assistance programs, for the needy, that the TEA Party has begun accepting offers, to purchase the...

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