Justin Bieber: Stop Calling Me Kim's Toy Boy!
After the sexy photo shoot with 29-year-old Kim Kardashian in a see-through outfit, everyone has been after Justin Bieber about his budding romance with Kim. "Ever since that shoot, which was for publicity only, I've heard even some of my fans cal...
Read full storyConan O'Brien to contest Irish Presidential election.
Irish American chat show host Conan O'Brien has announced his intention to run as a candidatate in the upcoming Irish Presidential election. O'Brien made the announcement on his popular Twitter page early this morning and according to close frien...
Read full storyThe French
Quelle the hell is going on with France? Why is it such a ponce? They were fine enough in 'Allo Allo' So I shall say zis only once. Get a grip you silly froggies and stopping acting like your better. You don't see England cycling round in a beret and stripy sweater. Avec your garlic and your froggy legs et votre escargot in butter, And your always so "je ne sais quoi" We Brit'...
Read full storyBlair Drops Trou on Letterman
NEW YORK CITY - Former British Prime Minister Tony Blair appears tonight on David Letterman's "The Late Show," where he admits for the first time his sex-ual affairs with both Margaret Thather and John Major. "It's true - I'm bi and flying high!"...
Read full storyAnother Theory of Life by Norton Folgate
Following on from our recent interview with Professor Norton Folgate where he revealed is theory of life, we received further correspondence from the Prof today which, whilst slightly confusing in itself, confused us as it appears to be another theory all together. To let you decide for yourself, we are printing the correspondence below, in full. "Two fat ladies, eighty-eight. So is there...
Read full storyPick a spectator - new Commonwealth Games sport
The 2010 Indian Commonwealth Games Committee has added a final sporting event to this years games. Not content with the usual British sports the committee has decided to add a 'spot the spectator' element to each sport.This has been a decision made i...
Read full storyBreak-a-leg Dutch expert De Jong has been banned from entering Holland!
Nigel De Jong the controversial break-a-leg expert and Kung Fu copy-cat Eric fan has been refused entry into his home country and had his Dutch passport confiscated. The Dutch infamous politician, Mijnheer Geert Wilders (who at this moment is also...
Read full storyBob Dylan Music Introduced To Youth By Indie Artists Gets All Screwed Up!
According to a news release, a new project aimed to introduce Bob Dylan's music to young people by having buzz-worthy indie artists cover one of his best-known albums in a digital-only format has been quickly withdrawn and destroyed. Apparently a...
Read full storyChapter Six: E.Q. (and others) Starring in "The inevitable art of Spoofing and other intellectual pastimes!"
EQ, relaxing on his favourite Chesterfield studded, chrome leather armchair, smoking a clay pipe shaped like a seahorse, acquired on his travels through darkest Dagenham from a gold toothed gipsy-like gentleman with a barrow and stiff leg, pondered. He gave a dashing image dressed in his purple quilted smoking jacket of finest Malaysian silk, King George silver buttons and stuffed with Manx Cat...
Read full storyGeorge Osborne receives many thank you notes, Tories livid
"We are all in this together." - So, it is reported, Mr and Mrs Ed Bowls and Ed Multiband and partner are happy to echo. The lucky couples will continue to receive Child Benefit. Even though they are filthy rich and dare it be mentioned, Labour to...
Read full storyNovember elections may be postponed or even cancelled
Top Leaders from both the Democratic and Republican parties emerged from a top-secret caucus looking grim and refusing to answer any questions. But a confidential source has revealed that focus of the meeting was a plan to postpone or even cancel...
Read full storySheffield Wednesday Tax Evasion Latest
The latest news on the £600,000-pound debt owed by League One club Sheffield Wednesday to the Her Majesty's Revenue (HMRC) is that there has been no change, and that everything is as it was last week when I originally reported it. Wednesday have b...
Read full storyBaroness Warsi, you were elected by, oh that's right you were not
Baroness, "not wishy washy but bossy", alleges that 3 Labour MP's were elected because of electoral fraud. The Baroness, has not however, substantiated the allegations with real evidence. Strangely, she cancelled an appearance on Question Time, be...
Read full storyLiverpool Lags beg forgiveness as 40 Hour week announced for Prisoners
Walton Jail, Liverpool: New 40 Hour working week announced for prisoners having an alarming effect on the prisoners at Liverpools All Inclusive 4+ star Gaol. (GAOL, not GOAL, currently used sparingly at Liverpool FC) Secretary of State for INJusti...
Read full storyCher Lloyd And Katie Waissel Need A 'Bloody Good Seeing To' And Kicking Off The X-Factor Says Local Man Who Supports The 'Reinstate Gamu Nhengu' Movement
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, even grumpier than usual following a visit to the dentist which he described as 'painful' today added his weight (or lack of) to the X-Factor corruption scandal, although he did fall short of challenging 5'3" sex Goddes...
Read full storyTravel and Tourism - The Dancing Tree Frogs of Littlehampton
Should you be at a loose end one day, and looking for somewhere to take the kids, why not take a trip down to Frog-a-Rama. Littlehampton's most popular nature reserve. There you can pass an entertaining afternoon dressed in wet weather clothing pushing frogs out of trees with a long stick. This exciting pastime has been in operation for a few years now, but the story of how it came to be is a curi...
Read full storyX-Factor Katie Waissel Nude Sex Video Inevitable Says Buffty Ginslinger
From Storm Brewing In Teacup Inc - in association with Skoob Entertainment News (SEN) News that there exists a 'naughty' DVD of X-Factor contestant and Madonna wannabe Katie Waissel may have had the nation choking on its porridge this morning as t...
Read full storyGeorge Michael says 'Prison's just like Club Tropicana - Everyone should try it'
George Michael today urged all of his fans to break the law and go to prison because it's a fantastic experience that should not be limited to a privileged few. 'It's a bit like a holiday' said George, 'although you won't get much of a suntan as y...
Read full storyHunt for Commonwealth Games Spectators
The absence of an audience for the Commonwealth Games at the Deli in India is proving more of a talking point to observers than the Games themselves. Observers have been counting numbers and awarding highest marks for the lowest number of spectato...
Read full storyLady Gaga to wear Meatloaf for Halloween, maybe even sing duet with him.
You have to laugh don't you? If not, you just go "BAT CRAP CRAZY" Well that's what my old uncle, Sarsaparilla McPrunejuice, used to say but then again, he was a few Mini-Kiev's short of a buffet table, if you catch my drift, not unlike Ms Gaga, who s...
Read full storyU.S. Drones Target Governors and Celebrities Whose 15 Minutes are Over
The Department of Defense flatly denied any plans yesterday, to use U.S. armed drones in the targeting of washed up politicians and celebrities who continue to demand attention and spin in news cycle, when their day in the sun is clearly over. Emp...
Read full storyNostalgia Recaptured: Hard of Hearing Aging Cynic Takes to the Road in Last Hurrah!
What do you do when life starts to catch up with you? When you have trouble hearing the dialogue in award winning movies on TV...when after sitting too long your knees ache and when you move the creaking wakes the dog? What do you do when after reading all the latest news you think it can't get any worse....and then it does? What do you do when you start a round of golf with 4 pars and a...
Read full storyNobel Winners Embarrassed: Can't Find Example Of Winning Material
Physics Nobel Prize Winners Andrei Geim and Konstantin Novoselov have lost the very thing that won them the accolade. Geim and Konstantin are the inventors of graphene - a flat sheet of carbon just one atom thick. It is extremely strong and is a g...
Read full storySecret Palace mortgage frauds funding Wills and Kate nuptials
London - (Prenup Mess): An audit of the Palace austerity budget has found millions of pounds raised via home loans on 'royal peculiars'. These shadowy religious edifices come under HM's direct control without the bothersome tedium of Parliamentar...
Read full storyDerek Acorah sneeze sells for half a million
Derek Acorah, widely believed to be the broadband connection to the afterlife, sneezed on live television, which led to a remarkable lot being sold on eBay. Whilst channelling Elvis for Living TV's Elvis Lives, broadcast on what would have been El...
Read full storyMan Tries To Fight Off Skunk, Shoots Self In Face
Florida resident Daniel McDaniels was attempting to deter a skunk at his friend's house over the weekend, when he accidentally shot himself in the face. Police said the 31-year-old was attempting to load his .22 caliber rifle after spotting the cr...
Read full storyTerror hysteria to blame for hysteria over terror.
If a potential issue or threat emerges, people panic, and these days it is called terror hysteria. Once upon a time it would have been the reds under the beds but according to opinion polls and sources, the terror these days is a little less well...
Read full storyGlug! The Taxman's After Grandfather's Wine!
The taxman has warned exectors of wills to declare the value of wine cellars. HM Revenue & Customs says that wine stored as an investment must be recorded at the estimated sale price at the time of the owner's death. They claim that too man...
Read full storyPlanet Earth To Sue Songstress
Planet Earth is to sue singer-wongwriter Dido for using a photograph of it on the cover of her 2008 album Safe Trip Home. The news is a further shock for the popular popstrel after retired astronaut Bruce McCandless announced he was suing her for...
Read full storyRoyal Navy to get Ann Widdecombe's g-string
After making a brief appearance on Strictly Come Dancing, Ann Widdecombe's g-string has been requisitioned by the Ministry of Defence and is being dispatched to the Royal Navy dockyards in Rosyth, Scotland. Prior to dispatch, the g-string is bein...
Read full storyCSI, Stargate, Fringe - Ratings Punch-Up On Cards
TV insiders are gearing up for a new ratings war as Sky1 goes up against Channel 5 on Tuesday nights. C5's popular CSI:Miami and CSI:New York will tonight find themselves in direct competition with two sci-fi blockbusters - the second series of S...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan modifies SCRAM bracelet to inject drugs
According to to one of the troubled starlet's party-pals, Lindsay Lohan has had her SCRAM bracelet altered and fit with an IV device for the purpose of keeping a flow of drugs going into her system at all times. Either drunk or high--or both-- Li...
Read full storyPrisoners to work forty hour weeks
UK Prisoners are to be made to work for forty hours a week under new guidelines from the home office. "The devil is in the detail," said Ken Clarke. "Who will supervise them? What will they do?" A sneak peak at what is to come answers both of t...
Read full storyRadio 1 unearths funniest moment ever
Radio 1 presenter Greg James yesterday hit new heights with his "Best bit of the radio from yesterday" feature when he unearthed a clip of someone using the words "six" and "inches" in close proximity to each other. James, clearly revelling in su...
Read full storyIsle of Wight Workers Praised After Tube Strike Effort
Workers who struggled to work on the Isle of Wight yesterday despite the strike by London Underground staff were praised by a business chief. Colin Plastic, chairman of the island's Chamber of Commerce, said: "Our people are fantastic! "They ha...
Read full storyNY Mets Seek New Manager; Males Need Not Apply
At a recent press conference at which the owners of the New York Mets announced that they were giving the team manager a walk, they also explained that they were pursuing an entirely new managerial strategy. They will hire a female for the job.
Read full storyEngland Rumpus As Montenegro Complain To FIFA Over Kevin Davies Selection
England boss Fabio Capello is under investigation this morning, after world football's governing body FIFA asked him to explain his actions in calling-up uncapped Bolton Wanderers bull-in-a-china-shop striker Kevin Davies for his Euro 2012 squad to f...
Read full storyNorman Wisdom Death Prompts Albania State Of Emergency
A state of emergency has been declared in Albania this morning after it was announced that the country's favourite adopted son, British comedian Sir Norman Wisdom, had died at the age of 95. Wisdom, real name, Norman Pitkin, passed away peacefully...
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