From Storm Brewing In Teacup Inc - in association with Skoob Entertainment News (SEN)
News that there exists a 'naughty' DVD of X-Factor contestant and Madonna wannabe Katie Waissel may have had the nation choking on its porridge this morning as the people digested the news from the redtops, but it came as no surprise to SEN supremo Buffty Ginslinger.
Speaking with debateable coherence from a skip somewhere in the vicinity of Bethnal Green tube station, Buffty Ginslinger told us:
"I don't get this. They were saying that this was inevitable on theSpoof.com days ago. Is it not patently obvious to all but a blind man that Katie was selected to progress, regardless of talent? It's a classical example of blatant media exploitation, as championed by that Bolivian bloke with the fake medals and the false moustache. Colonel Juan - or whatever his name is. I reckon he set this whole sordid scenario up, and furthermore, I reckon he's done it to upset Skoob Entertainment News, because the girl looks not dissimilar to my first wife. Now that's well below the fucking belt, and you can bet your life he'll be entertaining a swift kick in the bollocks next time I see him. And there was me, thinking he was my friend..."
A spokesman for Colonel Juan denied any wrongdoing or moral deviance over previous articles, and added that the Colonel couldn't have participated in any attack on SEN because he's too busy founding a new religion. Based on gayness.
Not that he's gay - or so he says - but because he thinks it's a totally new market ripe for exploitation.
Colonel Juan will not be appearing in the Hastings Theatre Group's updated version of 'Oh! Calcutta!' at The Hovel Theatre in Hastings because he's got a bad back and it's giving him some not inconsiderable gyp.
But he promises that, like Katie Waissel, he will be appearing stark bollock naked on a DVD production of the Mick McManus biopic, featuring Peter Andre as Jackie 'Mister TV' Pallo and Alex Reid as Mick McManus in a wrestling extravaganza (with tits, and lots of 'em supplied by Katie Price) directed by none other than...
Buffty Ginslinger.
More as we get it.
