Written by IainB

Tuesday, 5 October 2010

image for Derek Acorah sneeze sells for half a million
Acorah's nose

Derek Acorah, widely believed to be the broadband connection to the afterlife, sneezed on live television, which led to a remarkable lot being sold on eBay.

Whilst channelling Elvis for Living TV's Elvis Lives, broadcast on what would have been Elvis's birthday, Acorah sneezed violently. The mucus from the sneeze landed on the camera. The sneeze was wiped from the camera by the diligent camera man, and discarded.

A quick thinking Best Boy grabbed the discarded tissue and stored it in a container. Whilst Acorah was still channelling Elvis, Oswald Duncan got him to sign the container with his Living TV Marker Pen ordinarily used for marking up the sandwiches. Because Acorah really was channelling Elvis the signature on the box was indistinguishable from Elvis's actual signature.

Duncan then put the box up for sale on eBay as Elvis's Ectoplasm as signed by the King of late fifties pop himself. Acorah has verified the sneeze as being ectoplasm from the hip-swinging darling of Vegas. It can be nothing else, as this would suggest that Acorah didn't really channel Elvis, and that would be impossible.

With such amazing provenance, Engelbert Humperdink, currently seventy-four, snapped up the eBay item for a massive four-hundred and seventy-nine thousand pounds. Humperdink, who toured with Elvis, is widely regarded as the world's biggest Elvis fan. He already owns the largest Elvis memorabilia collection; including the toilet of death, the deeds to Graceland and Priscilla Presley.

"I'm over the moon," Humperdink said afterwards. "I already have a finger bone of the King, and now I have some of his soul. Now, you'll have to excuse me, I think I have a cold coming on."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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