Written by Bill Licks

Tuesday, 5 October 2010

image for George Michael says 'Prison's just like Club Tropicana - Everyone should try it'
Club Wormwood Scrubs drinks are free...

George Michael today urged all of his fans to break the law and go to prison because it's a fantastic experience that should not be limited to a privileged few.

'It's a bit like a holiday' said George, 'although you won't get much of a suntan as you don't get to see much daylight, but there's never a dull moment as there's so many activities to take part in.'

'You get to try out creative things like cooking and sewing mail sacks, chill out and play pool with your new friends and then relax in your own private room where you can watch TV and chat to your mates on the mobile phone your partner smuggled in up his arse.'

'And when the lights go out you can even smoke dope, take crack and get wanked off in the showers or just curl up under your blanket and have a good nights sleep - if you're a party pooper.'

Fans of the singer have reacted to Michael's comments by thinking about turning to crime in an effort to sample the magical experience of being behind bars.

Mary Jones, a 42 year old divorced mother of three said 'George seems to be having the time of his life so I'm thinking about getting in my car after a couple of glasses of wine and running down the bitch who stole my ex-husband.'

'I'll probably be inside for a few years but that will be nothing compared to the sentence of bringing up three ungrateful kids for the last 20 bloody years of my life'

Hair stylist Philip LeChoux from London added 'I'm going to pour bright pink hair dye all over my prize Persian pussy and then get the crimper out and go to work on it's tail. No doubt I'll be reported to the RSPCA by some nosey neighbour and I'll become the most hated man in Britain as the police come round and cart me off to Wormwood Scrubs.'

'But the way George talks about prison it would be more like spending two weeks at Club Tropicana rather than being some kind of deterrent to stop me breaking the law again.'

Prison Minister Crispin Blunt has hit back at Michael by saying his comments are irresponsible and completely untrue.

'Prison in not a holiday, it is a punishment and the general public should not be encouraged to spend their annual 4 weeks vacation there even if it does mean having a break from the wife and kids.'

'It's full of evil men who want to do nasty things to you especially when your back is turned and you're searching around for the soap in the steamy showers…..'

'Actually, that sounds like my idea of heaven.'

'I'm just going for a piss on the War Memorial in front of Westminster Abbey - that should get me arrested in no time and with a guaranteed custodial sentence at the end of it.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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