Hunt for Commonwealth Games Spectators

Funny story written by j.w.

Tuesday, 5 October 2010

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Can Britain Win a World Record?

The absence of an audience for the Commonwealth Games at the Deli in India is proving more of a talking point to observers than the Games themselves.

Observers have been counting numbers and awarding highest marks for the lowest number of spectators. Five is currently the number in Gold Medal position for a game of squash. With the ref the competitors equalled the number of spectators.

Statisticians are consulting record books but this looks likely to be a World Record, unless the British Empire Games in 1916 are included. In that instance only two invalids from the trenches could be found watching the Shooting Finals and both received fatal shots from a German infiltrator. Technically having no spectators does not qualify for a record. However discussions have been under way since 1916 to decide whether having two spectators at any time is the qualification for an attendance figure. As the Committee deciding this issue has been abolished by the Government in a cost cutting exercise we may never know whether dead spectators count.

This could not happen today. Discrimation against dead people could result in hefty fines for the organisers of the Games.

Fears are growing in London that paltry crowds might be an embarrassment for the 2012 Olympics. With the Marathon now being sent around the sites of London, thereby snubbing the residents of Tower Hamlets who should have seen the Marathon, there is a campaign developing called Boycott of Games (BOG) which may result in Britain's sole Gold & World Record. Plans to have one person watching the Lacrosse heats are forming. Taking the view that the two people who were living at the beginning of 1916 Games Shooting Final will be counted one spectator is the aim. This could salvage national pride from an otherwise pointless waste of money.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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