South Korea Still Not Sure It Was Attacked
SEOUL, South Korea - Military officials are still trying to determine the intentions of North Korea in bombing Yeonpyeong Island. "Are they launching a new military offensive, or what?" asks Chief of Staff, Adm. Jaegwon Soo. "North Korea torpedoe...
Read full storyPhiladelphia Spectrum Demolished, Still Smells Like Piss.
The Philadelphia Spectrum, the 18,000 indoor arena and site of Shaun Cassidy's seminal 1979 concert, which was demolished today after being a blight on South Philly since the Nixon Administration, is now baffling scientists world-wide, as it leaves b...
Read full storySave the Incandescent Light Bulb!
Washington - I recently received an email from the Tea Party pointing out a life-threatening issue that's facing America. Recently elected Tea Party members have put the incandescent light bulb on the endangered species list, fearing it will soon be...
Read full storyI'm A Celeb - Public Patience With Gillian McKeith Wearing Thin
Serial fainter Gillian McKeith is at the time of writing, still firmly ensconced in the 'I'm A Celeb' jungle camp, alongside such luminaries as Lembit Opik, Brit Eckland, and some others, including grumpy Manc lad, Shaun Ryder. But we don't know r...
Read full storyObama & Biden Rally UAW Workers over a 'shot and a beer" Summit at Factory recently Evacuated over "Beer Farts!"
Good old boys Barry Obama and Joe Biden had a good laugh today when they returned to the Michigan Chrysler factory recently shut down over 'Beer Farts" that caused an evacuation due to health concerns. With the the NSNBC cast of Olbermann and Matt...
Read full storyFapping to Miley Cyrus No Longer Illegal, Just Creepy.
Miley Cyrus has reached the age of majority, and men and boys are celebrating the Big 1-8 'actress' by firing uterus-spackle at the Hannah Montana pictures playing as a slideshow on their laptops. And they're doing so guilt-free. "Hitting 18 i...
Read full storySo, William, is it a suicide pact like Adolf and Eva?
London - (Eine Schweine Nacht Musik Mess): Numerology nutz are wet with rapture that 29 April 2011 will be Wills' and Kate's wedding date. On that very day in 1945 Adolf Hitler wed Eva Braun, the pair committing suicide within 24 hours. A hellu...
Read full storySarkozy's newest immigration policy
Members of the Flying Circus rejoice! Sarkozy's got a new policy to deal with immigration. Fears that Takeshi Castle style policies were outdated have dragged the French President kicking and screaming into the modern world, in which any criminals...
Read full storyI'm a Celeb facing massive new Bush Tucker
We've faced seven nights of Gillian McKeith screaming her way through Bush Tucker Trials. And now the sympathetic ITV have promised to resolve the matter and ensure that public money isn't wasted unfairly. Inspired by Disney, all Bush Tucker Trial...
Read full storyFrench President Sick of Having to Answer Their Questions
November 23 (Spoof) French President Sarkozy yelled at bunch of reporters because he is getting sick of answering questions about why France can't win wars. "If another one of you jackasses asks me a question about France not having more victories...
Read full storyThanks To The New TSA Pat Down Policy The Term 'Jet Lag' Has Now Been Replaced By 'Jet Sag'
CHICAGO - Since the recent implementations of the Transportation Security Administrations 'pat down' policy Chicago's O'Hare Airport is now being referred to by travelers as O'No Airport. A passenger identified as Tiara Sue Sinnybazoo, 28, of Lick...
Read full storyJustin Bieber To Do Michael Jackson Album!
Some people could see this one coming as they went to the Justin Bieber concerts, they just didn't think the Jackson family would go for it. However, Motown Records' Smokey Robinson has apparently talked Joe and the rest of the family into allowi...
Read full storyAdam Lambert Being Questioned Over Flashing Cub Scouts & Their Moms!
Singer Adam Lambert is not the best at remembering things, he admits. So after agreeing to help in the community where he has purchased a house a few months ago, he had gone to a community meeting just to see what goes on. A source told us that Ad...
Read full storyPope Changes Stance on Condoms After Scare with Male Prostitute.
Vatican - The Vatican is confirming Pope Benedict XVI is changing his stance on condom use after a close call with a male prostitute. A Vatican spokesman said: "The pope had a close call when it came to a night he spent with a male prostitute. Th...
Read full storyDazed & Confused Obama Blames "bad cabbage" for Explosions at South Korean Kimchee Processing Plant!
In an effort to forestal making a presidential decision, Barry Obama today claimed the recent explosions in South Korea were the result of an 'agricultural accident' and should not be blamed 'on those folks up north!" While the White House scramb...
Read full storyNaked Nude Celebrity Topless Penis Vagina Picture Calendar Sales In Decline
Media mogul and market trader cum kebab and pizza shop entrepreneur, Ali Bullo, today complained that sales of nude celebrity calendar pics and posters are in sharp decline, principally because of overexposure on a satirical website, which we can't n...
Read full storyRevealed: Truth Behind North And South Korea Bloodshed
The reason behind the recent bloodshed raging between North and South Korea, has been sensationally revealed by our man in the field Lenny Presbatyn. Lenny told us by crackly video-phone, this afternoon "I have discovered that a high ranking offic...
Read full storyCanadian fast food fatties score massive hit on slim-line U Tube!
A trio of Canadian fatties have scored a massive, 'obese' hit on slim-line U Tube by presenting, baking and devouring an over 5000 calorie pizza topped with more junk food than McDonalds could dream of. "We don't give a damn," they claimed, "all w...
Read full storyKim Jong il Nukes Japan to Pass Bloomberg on Forbes Most Powerful List
Radioactive california rolls were flying in downtown Tokyo this morning as Kim Jong il nuked Japan. Speculation was rife over why the North Korean Leader would do such a thing. House Leader John Boehner forbid the 30,000 US troops in South Korea from...
Read full storyIreland PM Accepts IMF Loan & Quits
Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen has accepted, we have heard, a massive IMF loan to leave office. If there is no Budget before another election the risk of Ireland and Europe sinking into the Irish sea is immense. Thus the IMF had to deal with Cow...
Read full storyParis Hilton Sets New Fashion Trend in Community Service
Paris Hilton could be seen on the streets of Hollywood yesterday. No, she was not haunting the latest Hollywood hot spot. No, she was not drunk driving in her Mercedes. Paris was doing community service. Not only was Paris doing community service but...
Read full storyBipartisan Pledge To America
In a rare show of bipartisan unity, leaders of the Democratic and Republican parties agreed to make the following pledge to the American people: "We pledge not to ask Americans for shared sacrifice in order to eliminate the deficit. Republicans will keep repeating no new taxes, Democrats will refuse to budge on entitlement spending, and neither party will propose cuts in defense. Both parties...
Read full storyTucker Max "Assholes Finish First" Review
Tucker Max, author of "Assholes Finish First," likes to write about his sexual conquest like he is the only man getting laid in America, or that he is a real genius because he discovered that people can't get enough of morons who like to drink and score lots of meaningless sex. The book does highlight the faults of narcissism in a way that might make Freud blush, because Tucker Max likes to sha...
Read full storyThe RMT Union schedules strike action for Royal Wedding
RMT union leader Bob Crow has caused raw anger by declaring his intention to ballot members for strike action on the London Underground for 29th April 2011, the date of the Royal wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton. A statement relea...
Read full storyDancing with the Stars Judges Speak Out
Dancing with the Stars judges are upset with how this season is turning out, and want to clear the air. UWGB-Beek: Is anyone surprised with the results of who is still dancing on the show this season? Ms. Inaba: I am not surprised, because after 11 seasons you realize that some people shouldn't be given the power to vote. Len Goodman: For me, I like to give dancers bad reviews, and as lo...
Read full storyKim Jong-eun Wasn't Aware He Had Real Powers over Military
Washington -- Kim Jong-eun thought he was playing a video game when he heard the first missiles leave his bunker in North Korea. "My dad said he was turning over power to me, but I didn't think he was serious, because he told me the only way he w...
Read full storyGore Confesses: I Pushed Ethanol Only In Attempt to Buy Presidency!
Years after he pushed, stumped and built a lucrative career on Global Warming Posturing and flawed scientific data, former Presidential hopeful Al Gore finally admitted Ethanol is a bogus product he pushed in order to buy votes in Tennessee and Iowa!...
Read full storyLonger Waits in Security Lines at Nation's Airports Expected
If you are planning on traveling any time soon, you may as well count on having to wait in the security lines longer, a lot longer due to the advent of the full-body scans and pat downs. Security workers at the nation's major airports are reported...
Read full storyMeghan McCain Proves She Is Just Like the Rest of Her Family
Washington - Meghan McCain is proving to be just like her mother and father when it comes to political opinions. A months ago when Ms. McCain was promoting her book, she said that Sarah Palin wasn't very presidential, but know is claiming the Mrs...
Read full storyJohn Lewis ad showing dog in illegal kennel
John Lewis have come under fire from animal rights protesters regarding their Christmas TV ad which contains a scene whereby a boy is placing a Christmas stocking on his dogs kennel. The ad has spurred a flurry of activity on both the John Lewis...
Read full storyTaliban Impostor Scams US Out of $$$$Millions!
Crack Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, and top CIA officials are still trying to sort out how they were scammed out of millions by an impostor who claimed he was a top Taliban Leader willing to negotiate an Afghan Peace Treaty. A man identifyin...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen Threatens Suit over Pix of his 2 1/2" Winkie!
Embattled star of TV's popular sitcom, "Two & a Half Men", Charlie Sheen, says he's been forced to sue after his hired date threatened to reveal pictures of his Teeny Weenie taken over dessert in his hotel suite. An attorney for Sheen says t...
Read full storyKate Middleton Reveals her Wedding Dress
News has leaked from the Middleton camp as to what Kate Middleton's dress will look like on her big day in April. Wedding planner, Toby Orrent, has been seen taking in a collection of top designer names from Versace to Caroline Castigliano. So far...
Read full storyDeathly Thanksgiving omen for Queen's UAE visit
Abu Dhabi, UAE - (Genius of Oblivion Mess): A sombre image of Sarah Josepha Hale's ghost has appeared in an ominous dark cloud over Abu Dhabi today. The American poet, author and editor is widely accredited with the official timing of Thanksgivin...
Read full storyHouse of Windsor hate pact as Kate & Wills pick Duchess of Windsor funeral 25th anniversary
London - (Nazi Ass Mess): The House of Windsor hate pact has reared its ugly once again with today's royal wedding announcement. Kate and William's choice of 29 April coincides with Adolf Hitler's wedding to Eva Braun in a Berlin bunker in 1945.
Read full storyX Factor's Wagner to be deported
Wagner will be deported and that is the end of the matter, the UK Home Secretary is reported to have decided. Under the UK governments latest version of a hastily arranged immigration policy, excuses have been cobbled together and the Brazilian ca...
Read full storyKorea set to invade itself
Following a protest in Korea, the country looks set to invade... itself. In shocking events recently, Korean spokespeople revealed "We hate ourselves so much we're going to bomb the crap out of our military bases!" Threats that this will weaken...
Read full storyMore Sucksex Stories Wanted
Canadian Industry secretary, Tony Climbon, made a Freudian slip in an announcement to the nation. 'I want more sucksex stories' he said, then 'I mean sex stories' then 'I mean success stories.' Psychologist Dr Florence Rimmer explained this sl...
Read full storyThe Spoof Announces a 100,000 Point Contest
London UK: The Spoof Administrator Mark announced today the rules for a world class writing contest to determine the funniest spoof writer on the planet. The contest begins on Boxing Day 2010 and ends on Boxing Day 2011. (For you Yanks, Boxing Day is a bank and public holiday occurring on 26 December. It is observed in the United Kingdom, Australia, Canada, Ghana, New Zealand, Hong Kong, Niger...
Read full storyPsychic Sallie prompts spook related electrocution fears!
Rotund psychic ghost gossiper, Sallie Morgun has sparked controversy over her claims that ghosts thrive on electricity and water. Speaking on the road Ms Morgun, 24, cited kitchens and bathrooms as hot spots of spirit activity. Scientists are n...
Read full storyToffees to be removed from all chocolate selections
The big four chocolate makers in the UK have announced that they will no longer be including caramels in their chocolate selection tins. "They're just not popular," said Heather Feather, head of Nèsbury's product range. "Marketing campaign after m...
Read full storySlash Plays To Soothe Bickering Royal Couple
Ace axeman Slash has intervened to smooth troubled waters in a Royal spat. The Velvet Revolver riffmeister was apparently mooching around last weekend when he heard raised voices at Clarence House. A friend of his told us: "He was just chilling...
Read full storyNorth Korea and South Korea test their pea-shooters in border shoot-out!
North and South Korea have both got their knickers in a twist and have decided to practice popping at each other with their pea-shooters. The Korean border is one of the most action-packed borders on the planet because the North Korean leader, age...
Read full storyOne in Four Fat Birds Just Don't Know It
An article published in an Essex medical journal claims a quarter of fat birds are in denial and don't think they have a weight problem. Experts at the world famous Romford Medical Institute have conducted interviews with 2,000 women aged 18 to...
Read full storyNCAA Admits 2010 Bowl Field Contains Worst Names Ever
(Indianapolis, Indiana) - The National Collegiate Athletic Association has publicly acknowledged that this year's field of men's college football post-season bowls contain the worst names ever in its 100-year history. "We believe we have hit rock...
Read full storyBBC Radio 4's 'Today' Causes Listener's Head To Explode
A Radio 4 listener's head exploded this morning during the news programme, Today. At about 6.45am former journalist, Mr Gethyn Parabola, was drinking a cup of tea in his kitchen with the radio on. His wife, Mifanwy, said: "It has been coming fo...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Outed as a Vampire
GLENDALE, California - Members of the Vermillion Vampire Sect of West Hollywood gathered Monday at the entrance to Michael Jackson's tomb to pay homage to their favorite musician. Although a former member of the group claims that Jackson was a card-c...
Read full storySurrey City Man Looking Forward to Sex with Social Climbing Actuary/Wife in 2013
London based futures trader Martin Susspeck is planning to short his own wife's investment in the future successor to Queen Catherine Middleton. "Daft cow has it in her head if she times the next pup proper, the kid can marry William and Kitty's f...
Read full storyThe Real Reason Rush Limbaugh Does Not Want The TSA To Pat Him Down Is Because Of His 2-Inch Winky
NEW YORK CITY - Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh has made it clear that he will not allow airport TSA agents to openly 'Fundle' him during their pat down procedure. Limbaugh has said that the only person who he will allow to touch his mal...
Read full storyM.C. Hammer's Hit Song "U Can't Touch This" Becomes The Anti-TSA Pat Down Anthem
ATLANTA - The Transportation Security Administration has announced that they are not happy about the fact that M.C. Hammer's 1989 hit song "U Can't Touch This" has become the anti-TSA pat down anthem. TSA spokesperson Clovis Baxter Shamnoodle stat...
Read full storySanta Claus and FAA Butt Heads Over Holiday Flight
It appears the FAA and Santa Claus are at odds with each other. While filing his flight plan for Christmas eve the FAA had new rules, regulations and stipulations that have to be met before domestic travel. First, Santa must comply with a full bo...
Read full story"My Great-Great-Great Grandfather did not marry that rich American woman for this!"
The highest levels of British society are reacting with dismay to the news that Prince William is to marry from below stairs. "Really!" spat The Honourable Arabella Snyde-Custom, near Sloane Square. "Next you'll expect me to believe these larks...
Read full storyAnimal Rights Activists Object To Useless Turkey Slaughter During Thanksgiving
Animal rights activists have staged a rally protesting the slaughter of an estimated 5.35 million defenseless turkeys during this holiday season. The protesters gathered outside a turkey farm in upstate N.Y. to further make their point. "We've ban...
Read full storyIsle of Wight Ferry following Airline Security Measures
George Doofus, owner and sole employee running the Isle of Wight ferry from the Isle to the mainland, issued this statement after travellers on the ferry reported him for sexual misconduct. "It's true. I won't deny it. I have been patting down a...
Read full storyPervs rushing to buy airline tickets for cheap flights
Perverts and other sexual deviants (if there ARE any more) are rushing in the hundreds to Travel Agents worldwide, or booking online, for cheap flights to 'anywhere and everywhere' in the world. They don't want to travel, they just want 'cheap thr...
Read full storyNAMBLA wants "more aggressive" pat downs for toddlers, newborns
The North American Man/Boy Love Association, a.k.a. "NAMBLA," believes the U.S. Transportation Security Agency should be "more aggressive" in its pat downs of male toddlers and newborns. A spokesman, Mr. Seymour Hindquarters, warned that, "You nev...
Read full storyThe X factor massacre
Armed police and other emergency services were alerted to attend an incident at a television studio in North-West London late on Saturday evening to investigate the multiple slaughter of several songs made famous by an up-and-coming popular beat comb...
Read full storyWarren Commission Investigating Shots of Michael Jackson and Elvis Presley
Hesbad, Ca - Three shots, at the Dealey Plaza Shopping Mall, taken from an iPHONE by Abraham Zapruder allege to show Michael Jackson with his ex father-in-law Elvis Presley. The first shot, appears to be the profile of Michael Jackson, judging by...
Read full storyNude Wicker Man Star Britt Ekland Confesses To "I'm A Celebrity" Camp: 'Larry Grayson Tried To Woo Me With a Haddock'
Shagged-out Swedish ex sex-pot Britt Ekland, who was almost famous for a kinky nude scene in cult British horror movie The Wicker Man, and was one of Rod Stewart's token blondes after he lost his mojo and became a strutting playboy purveyor of pop pa...
Read full storyI'm A Celeb - Gillian McKeith A Shining Example To All
I'm A Celebrity - Get Me Out Of Here! - Latest news is that Scottish turd analyst and vegan serial fainter, Gillian McKeith is distinctly not establishing herself as the nation's sweetheart. Our Gillian, who never tires of expounding the benefits...
Read full storyLinda Lovelace to be played by Dyson DC23 TurbineHead Vacuum
HOLLYWOOD - "Making a movie costs a hundred grand a day," complains Matthew Wilder, director of the upcoming film "Inferno", a biography of Lovelace, the troubled star of X-rated movies. Wilder was recently forced to fire his chosen lead, Lindsa...
Read full storyReal Life Star Of 'The Hurt Locker' Trial Goes Ahead, Opening Door For Others.
After reports this week that a US bomb disposal expert has been given the go-ahead to sue the makers of hit Academy Award winning film 'The Hurt Locker', due to his 'likeness' being stolen for use as the lead role in the film, other people are lining...
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