Longer Waits in Security Lines at Nation's Airports Expected

Funny story written by Charpa93

Tuesday, 23 November 2010

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If you are planning on traveling any time soon, you may as well count on having to wait in the security lines longer, a lot longer due to the advent of the full-body scans and pat downs.

Security workers at the nation's major airports are reportedly checking out way more travelers and it has nothing to do with security threats. A recent independent study indicates that every time a buxom woman or man with large hands and feet enters the security queue, she or he is tagged for the scans.

"Don't ask me, see for yourself. Stand on the sidelines and watch as every woman in a tight blouse or sweater is asked to step to the side and submit herself for a scan or a pat down. It's insane," said Herman Twinklighter, the man in charge of conducting the study. "I've not seen one flat-chested woman yet asked to go through extra security.

Mr. Twinklighter claims the same seems to be happening to men whose shoe size is 12 and over. "Once they remove their shoes and place them in the handy plastic baskets, the 'bigfoots' as I call them, are asked to step aside and submit for screenings," said an observant Twinklighter.

When asked why Twinklighter thinks this is happening to only certain people, Twinklighter said he believed it was a case of profiling pure and simple. "Ya got yer racial profiling and yer behavioral profiling," he said. "But this is a new kind of profiling not seen before. I like to call it "endowment profiling."

And when asked why Twinklighter thinks this type of profiling is happening, he simply stated, "it's a cheap way for the security personnel to get their jollies. Doing this job day in and day out can get pretty boring. This is just the pick-me-up some of them need to get them through the day."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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