The North American Man/Boy Love Association, a.k.a. "NAMBLA," believes the U.S. Transportation Security Agency should be "more aggressive" in its pat downs of male toddlers and newborns.
A spokesman, Mr. Seymour Hindquarters, warned that, "You never know if that baby boy is carrying a bomb in his diaper." He urged American officials to increase the level of security at airports to allow for pat downs in addition to, not just in lieu of, full-body scans.
"Members who work for airport security are carefully reviewing the photos and videos of full body scans for young boys from airports all over the nation," Mr. Hindquarters said. "They are insisting that the full body scan is somewhat lacking in quality. This lack of video and photo quality is of major concern to the safety of air travel, so, we are asking more NAMBLA members to apply for airport security jobs. This way, we will be able to confirm or deny what our current members have told us."
Mr. Hindquarters suggested that NAMBLA's members would be better suited to patting down young boys. "No one is going to be deterred in this job by the smell of poop," he insisted. "Members would absolutely make sure no beautiful little young boy gets on board an aircraft with a bomb in his pull-ups."
The Danish Pedophile Association, meanwhile, threw its support behind a 25 year old male security employee who was placed on administrative leave after performing a cavity search on a 3 year old girl at the international terminal in Copenhagen Airport. The American official, who was not identified, came to work for airport security while he was waiting to be ordained as a Roman Catholic priest.
