A Better Gauge of Just How Big that Oil Slick is
If you've been watching news coverage of the oil spill off the southern coast of the United States, you no doubt have heard all kinds of comparisons as to the size of the slick. Seems it started out about the size of the state of Rhode Island, and then graduated to the size of Delaware. One newscaster claims it is the size of Nevada, and more recently, apparently not wanting to keep the sizing to...
Read full storyVolcanic Ash Causes Travel Chaos... Again
Bus journeys have been halted as another volcanic ash cloud looms over Wharfedale and parts of Nidderdale in the Yorkshire Dales. Many travellers faced further misery as a six hour no-bus zone was imposed as far as Buckden. Bus companies warned p...
Read full storyVillage Post Office Takes Over Pub
Like many village pubs these days, the Plough Inn at Wigglesworth is closing down. However, the local Post Office remains open and will provide a service for drinkers. Customers will be able to pay up front for a range of beers and spirits - whic...
Read full storyHonolulu to be renamed Honoruru by request of Japanese Tourist Community
In these trying times, residents of Honolulu, Hawaii are doing everything they can to attract more tourists-including changing the town's name. "As a Japanese tourist, I find it difficult to say Honolulu and I am so happy about the name change. N...
Read full storySupermarket Opens Mini-Outlet in New Express Toilets
Britain's largest supermarket chain, Tesdabury's continued its rapid expansion by opening, this week, its newest location in the toilets of an existing Tesdabury's Express in Newland Avenue, Hull. "Tesdabury's customers just can't stand being far...
Read full storySchlesinger Tipped For Energy Post
Former US Nuclear Energy Secretary, James Schlesinger, became the first person to end up as a court-yard light post. Mr Schlesinger, who died suddenly last week, had strongly advocated the harnessing of human radiation sources, and had made prior...
Read full storyKelly Clarkson's Hit Song "I Thought I Heard Him Say Suck It" Hits #1
CHICAGO - Kelly Clarkson was in town to sing the National Anthem at a Chicago Cubs games when she was asked about her most recent song. Clarkson, beamed with pride, as she said that her song "I Thought I Heard Him Say Suck It" went from being numb...
Read full storyExit Polls suggest shock result
Exit Polls suggest that tonight will be the very last night that Britain is governed by a normal party. The exit polls suggest that by tomorrow our country will be ruled by a party that only has decadence and human destruction as its main political...
Read full storySomali Pirates No Match for Siobhan Magnus' Scream
LOS ANGELES, California - Unarmed security guards deterred a gang of pirates this Thursday, delivering earsplitting shrieks in their direction when they attempted to board a ship off the coast of Africa, said a spokesman for Kathie Lee Festival Tours...
Read full storySoda Line Ruptures; Coca-Cola To Attempt Unprecedented Capping Fix
INDIANAPOLIS, IN (Friggemall Wire Services) - Coca-Cola has announced plans to cap a ruptured line in an unprecedented attempt to stop the flow of soda that threatens a near northside restaurant. The Chuck E. Cheese was thrown into chaos last Frid...
Read full storyUKIP If You Want To, But I've Got To Land The Plane!
Nick Farage attempted the first Kamikaze attack on a UK polling station earlier today. Sadly his attempt met with failure and he is recovering in hospital. Farage had planned to take out all the people who were not voting for him in his Buckingha...
Read full storyPrince Charles Saved From Death By Big Ears
Prince Charles has had a miraculous escape following a fall from the top floor of Buckingham Palace. He fell several feet, until his ears became stuck in a metal grid. Charles was left dangling eight floors above the Mall whilst the changing of t...
Read full storyThe Philadelphia Phillies Organization Has Scheduled A "Taser Night"
PHILADELPHIA - The Philadelphia Phillies organization hoping to ward off dozens of more fans running onto the field during Phillies baseball games has decided to schedule a "Taser Night." Julie Carolina Fiffenbacker, 51, a spokesperson for the Phi...
Read full storySusan Boyle votes Labour, but don't tell the fanatics
Susan Boyle cast her vote in the UK General Election today for the Labour Party. It is not a surprise as she lives in an area of Scotland steeped in the socialist workers struggle against the bosses. She proudly wore a red scarf to show her alleg...
Read full storyRafa Benitez To Replace Sir Alex Ferguson
Rafa Benitez is being lined up as the shock choice to replace Sir Alex Ferguson as manager of Manchester United. When Ferguson eventually retires Old Trafford chiefs plan to appoint Benitez. The announcement shocked many at first. Lifelong Manches...
Read full storyArizona Sherrif Joe Arpaio: "Hey I Ain't Afraid of No Mexican Drug Cartels - I'll Arrest 'Em and Make 'Em Wear Pink Serapes!"
MARICOPA COUNTY, Arizona - Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio was asked what he thinks about the rumors that the Mexican drug cartels have put out the word that they want him to pack up his pink wardrobe and move up to Alaska as soon as possible.
Read full storyX Factor Star Lloyd Daniels Seriously Injured In Car Crash
Reports in this morning on Good Morning America say that Lloyd Daniels has wrecked his new Mini after taking X-Factor singer Lucie Jones to a London tube station. "Mr. Daniels is lucky to be alive", stated one nurse after Daniels was rushed to the...
Read full storyThe New Miley Cyrus Video "Can't Be Tamed" Banned in Utah, Massachusetts, and Portugal
LOS ANGELES - The brand new highly erotic Miley Cyrus video "Can't Be Tamed" has been prohibited from being shown in Utah, Massachusetts, and Portugal. The two American states and European country have all passed proclamations prohibiting the vide...
Read full storyBrown: Vote for me or The Puppy Gets It!
With just hours to go before the polls close Gordon Brown has made a last desperate attempt to influence the undecided and those who have yet to vote. In a shocking video released onto FaceTube this afternoon Brown is shown in a string vest holdin...
Read full storySuBo votes Loonie in General Election!
Susan Boyle was spotted in her home town earlier, having just voted in the general election. Although she wouldn't reveal who she'd voted for, it is believed to have been the 'Red Scarf Loonie Party'. The local candidate was yesterday despatched to h...
Read full storyArizona Governor Signs Bill Banning Movie "Machete" from Theaters
Phoenix, AZ - Arizona Governor, Jan Brewer, is on a roll lately, signing a number of bills into law that have the Hispanic and Latino communities in Arizona, and around the world, wondering what the hell is bugging her. This time, she's going afte...
Read full storyDeepak Chopra Finally Admits We're Screwed
Mind-Body Medicine guru Deepak Chopra, author of such books as "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success" and "The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire," has done a complete about face and is now giving lectures based on his belief that the time for fixing t...
Read full storyMumbai Gunman Mohammad Kasab Not Pleased About Death Sentence
Mohammad Kasab, the smiling Pakistani gunman who helped in the shooting of 53 people at Mumbai's Chatrapati Shivagi Terminus railway station, was sentenced to death today by an Indian court. Kasab - allegedly trained as a 'fedayeen' in Pakistan -...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Kicks Little Aaron Kelly Back To High School
HOLLYWOOD - This week's American Idol mentor was Harry Connick, Jr. (ah who the heck was Harry Connick, Senior???). Connick [pronounced: JOKE-ster] sounds like Frank Sinatra when he sings, he looks like ex-Dallas Cowboys quarterback Troy Aikman, a...
Read full storyNew Motorcycle Company Targets Metrosexuals
New York, NY - Metro Motors International, an upstart motorcycle company that is a serious up-and-comer in the luxury motorcycle sector, has just announced their latest and most fashion-forward offering to date. Called the MSX Swiftglide, this sp...
Read full storyCheryl Cole Wears Almost Nothing In Stage Duel With Resqué Fergie
The Black-Eyed Peas tour hit London last night and fans received a bonus as the support act of Cheryl Cole tried to dress less than lead singer, Fergie. "Every time one appeared, they would be dressed with even less", stated one Black-Eye Pea fan.
Read full storyChubby Brown comments on latest article by Lady Godiva
Well hell's bells. Who the 'ell does Lady G. think she is talking about and why the f**k is she botherin' to waste 'er time talking about a freaking loony like Hitler, who, by the way, we know is long gone at 'is own freaking hand. Meself, A think she's off her head. So - Adolf is now NOT to blame for all the crap in the 2nd World War. His doctors are being blamed. Seems Adolf was an ordinar...
Read full storyIceland Responsible For Everything Claims Conspiracy Theorist
Whilst everybody is all too painfully aware, Iceland is without doubt responsible for the volcanic eruption which resulted in the grounding of air traffic in northern Europe, but not too many realise that, in fact, Iceland is ultimately responsible f...
Read full storyCBS News Katie Couric, Pope Benedict XVI Apologize For language On Live TV
The Columbia Broadcasting Company has issued an apology that was read by anchor woman, Katie Couric Tuesday concerning her recent interview with the Pope. Although they were in two different countries, the interview was live and was supposed to b...
Read full storyAttack Of The Killer Baby-Buggies
Not content with reeling beneath a malevolent cloud of volcanic ash, besieged Brits are now under the savage onslaught of malevolent baby-buggies. Following a successful damages claim lodged against a leading baby-buggy manufacturer involving a ch...
Read full storyDerek Acorah fronts new Yeast Based Product Campaign
The Yeast Based Product Smarmite, beloved or hated product that it is, has recently been using the General Election as part of its advertising. With the election finishing, Smarmite are looking for a new angle. "For years, we've used the Love it o...
Read full storyCameron left red faced after ballot blunder
Tory hopeful David Cameron was left red faced this morning after realising he had spoiled his own ballot paper. When talking to the press outside Spelsbury Memorial Hall in Witney he smiled widely when asked who had got his vote. "Well I can te...
Read full storyTimes Square Bomber Revealed: Peter Sellers!
An embarrassed Homeland Security Secretary, Janet Napolitano, appeared before the press this morning and admitted that the Homeland Security Department, the FBI, the NYPD, and agents of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives(ATF), we...
Read full story"Get A Job Chunky Boy!" Cameron Goads Prime Minister
In an astonishing outburst of what many describe as childish tit-for-tat baiting, (read: typical politics) David Cameron revealed his inner right wing leanings by goading the PM in a West End sushi bar, as the voters decide their respective destinies...
Read full storyIMF Proposes "Do Over" For All Currencies & Economies: Operation Flip Over the Monopoly Board
International Monetary Fund Managing Director, Dominique Strauss-Kahn has presented the world with a massive "Do Over" suggestion. "It's fairly obvious that the current global economic situation sucks right now. We propose a plan that will elimin...
Read full storyOne Last Helping Hand From The Tories
In a last ditch attempt to mobilise the male youth vote, the least represented demographic at Parliamentary Elections, the Tory Party have announced plans to institutionalise masturbation. They are claiming that bashing the bishop has positive effect...
Read full storyTactical Voter Shoots Himself In Polling Station
The first casualty of the UK 2010 General Election was reported just moments after polling stations opened, when Bolton man Krystov Kowalski, a construction worker, shot himself in the kneecap with a nail gun as he attempted to lodge a tactical vote.
Read full storyParty Political Broadcast on Behalf of The Labour Party
Manish Sood, Norfolk: There now follows a Party political broadcast on behalf of the Labour Party. "The way I was brought up, both my Mum and Dad were staunch Labour Party supporters and they still are. My Dad was a well known politician and my Brother was a well known politician and that is the way I was educated." "I was born in the Labour Party. Before I was born I was part of the Labo...
Read full storyMan votes Lib Dem just to spite wife
A man emerged from a polling station this morning and announced to waiting press that he had voted for the Liberal Democrats "just to spite his wife." The man, whose day had reportedly got off to a bad start when he couldn't find his electric razo...
Read full storyLock in at No.10?
Mystery surrounds Gordon Brown's early trip to B & Q this morning. Mr Brown left before 8am. returning with hammer, nails and a bundle of planks. Observers say that for the next hour banging and swearing was heard from inside the premises and...
Read full storyKerry Katona and Katie Price camera crews fight
Was it bad planning or a publicity stunt, but this morning on the street outside Riverside hotel in London Kerry Katona was coming out as Katie Price was going in. Kerry Katona is currently wooing Katie Price's ex-husband, Peter Andre, which has a...
Read full storyThe Elisabeth Hasselbeck - Erin Andrews Feud Turns Ugly!
HOLLYWOOD - Barbara Walters of The View did her best to try and diffuse the big verbal feud between fellow View host Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Dancing With The Stars castoff, Erin Andrews. Hasselbeck, the somewhat prettier version of GOPrincess Ann...
Read full storyKindles Overworked, May Go Out on Strike
Kindles, Amazon's electronic readers, are not happy campers. They are disgusted that Amazon has announced a new software update for the Kindle, providing many more services. "Lots more work for the exact same pay," Head Kindle Hedda complained...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars: Carrie Ann Inaba Says She Is Cheryl Burke's Mother
HOLLYWOOD - After being told that the International Inquirer was going to print an exposé showing that Dancing With The Stars' judge Carrie Ann Inaba is the biological mother of DWTS professional dancer Cheryl Burke, Inaba decided to reveal the truth...
Read full storyPresident Obama Books The Hip Hop Rap Band, Camel Carl & The Desert Rag Headz To Play At "The First Mama's" Mothers' Day Party
CHEYENNE, Wyoming - President Obama was in Cheyenne addressing the annual convention of The Wyoming Bison Breeders Coalition and Association. The president stated "Now lissen up y'all. Dem buffaloes is still a very important and integral part of d...
Read full storyFriend Defends Rekers: "It Makes Sense to Hire a Gay Hooker to Carry Your Luggage"
George Rekers was accompanied on a 10-day trip to Europe by a gay male prostitute. Rekers, a Baptist minister and board member of the National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality, has denied having a sexual relationship with the...
Read full storyValue of Pi Changed; Some Feel 'This Will Change Everything'
WASHINGTON, DC - Leading scientists and researchers announced today that the long-held value of pi (3.14159265) is incorrect. The new value of pi has been copyrighted and will not be available free of charge. It will instead be made available in di...
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