Axa Chairman Anthony Hamilton Interview
Axa Chairman Anthony (Our Tone) Hamilton And the Secrets of CEO (Our Hen) de Castries Says "We're really wide boys" Penge's Hamilton Palace project starts soon A Feature Interview with Dan de Lyon I meet Anthony Hamilton, Axa's chairman, at my club in Pall Mall. I inveigled Our Tone into accepting my invitation to lunch, rather than the other way...
Read full storyRoberto Mancini to be surgically removed from his scarf
Under pressure Manchester City boss Roberto Mancini is to undergo an operation to have his infamous woolly blue and white scarf removed from his neck before British Summer Time begins this weekend. He was clearly agitated during his side's defeat...
Read full storyBFD: Biden Denies He Was Referring To His Codpiece
Vice President Joe Biden says that he was not referring to his codpiece when he whispered to the President, "This is a big fucking deal". Biden, who has been on the record for putting his foot in his mouth more times than you can count, emphatic...
Read full storySanta No Longer Welcome in Texas
Austin, Texas - In a bold bid to protect the children of Texas from the encroaching socialist ideas of sharing of toys and fair play, today State Senator BillyJoe "Barito" Buffet introduced legislation aimed at keeping Santa Claus off the roofs of l...
Read full storyLocal Man Captures Troll - Locks It In Shed
After a hard day at work, local man Martin Shuttlecock had just settled into his favourite armchair with a nice cup of tea and a packet of pre-dinner chocolate digestive biscuits. Shuttlecock had been looking forward to watching the latest edition...
Read full storyNew Sex Pill Will Revolutionize Dating/Scrounging Worldwide
Shares of Horny Goat Pharmaceuticals skyrocketed on the announcement that the next generation of Liagra had met F.D.A approval. "Liagra II will change the dating, marriage and bar hopping universe as we know it and we expect our profits to engorge an...
Read full storyTebbit unleashes a tirade at Cameron, blasts Tory MP's and nukes Scotland
Lord Tebbit, the rottweiler woke up today, to a nasty headline in the Daily Mirror. His public schoolboy servant, Boris had not removed the offensive sentence, "Tory's Losing It". All hell let loose as Tebbit strutted in his lederhosen scattering...
Read full storyOmaba "Hard" During Press Conference
Most congressional leaders missed the verbal and visual cues while standing in the oval office during the historic signing of the health care bill, but President Obama admitted that he was "hard" while talking about the process of significant change.
Read full storyGlenn Beck Credits Himself for Predicting Recent Wave of Violence
In one of his many "I told you so" moments, Glenn Beck has commented that he is the first one to tell his viewers that violence against the US government by fed up citizens was going to start to happen. Boasting a 100% accuracy rate, Beck claimed...
Read full storyWhy All Liberals Have Chicken Lips
Just as I would not wish to be called a socialist because I have a social security number, I can understand that for many liberals conceived in the heat of a barnyard encounter between a Rhode Island Red and their mama, why they would feel discomfort being labeled a chicken-lipped liberal. Having been the first to describe Senator John Kerry as being a liberal, slack jawed, chicken-lipped jacka...
Read full storyOAP Sir Paul McCartney rehearses at the O2 Arena and demands his OAP fans all have wheelchair access!
Ancient pop/rock/Beatle Sir Paul McCartney is launching his world tour and is presently rehearsing at the O2 arena in London. Tickets have been flying across the counters all over the UK especially when his fans are picking up their OAP benefits.
Read full storyUK Budget details
The Chancer of the Exchequer, Alice Thedarling, announced his budget today. Being slightly hard of hearing, he made the announcement from Fred's Pet Shop, originally thinking the Prime Minister asked him to announce his new budgie. Opening his tat...
Read full storyAn island in the Bay of Bengal vanishes and observing Bangladeshi's swear Aliens abducted it!
An island in the Bay of Bengal has completely vanished and many Bangladeshi's, 'after chewing coca leaves all day,' swore they saw an Alien speceship land and swallow the island. It then vanished into the sky and all that was left was a Bangladesh...
Read full storyObama Stumped by Sixth Grade Math Question
While stumping for support of Barney Frank's 'Leave no Child's Behind' initiative President Obama graced the sixth grade math class of PC222 with his presence. It began with a prepared mathematical explanation of how spending 900 billion on healt...
Read full storyDog makes old woman rich!
A pooch has made a little old lady rich beyond her dreams. The dog, talented in many ways died, came back to life and then died again. Now some months later the BBC has commissioned a documentary detailing his life. Mrs Hubbard now stands to cash...
Read full storyThe University of Ottawa Says "Ann Coulter, Go Home!" - Brobama Responds: "Hey We Don't Want The Skinny-Ass Bitch Either!"
OTTAWA, Canada - The University of Ottawa now has the distinction of being the only university in the world to flat out tell Ann "Trigger Face" Coulter that she is not welcome. Coulter, which rhymes with 'shithead' replied that even the lousiest c...
Read full storyBanks Foreclose on Hell! Satan Moves to Winter Residence at Scientology World Headquarters
Sarasota, FL: Markets around the world were rocked today with news of the imminent foreclosure on Hell by a consortium of major international banks. The announcement came only after months of failed negotiations between Satan and the Associated Mini...
Read full storyChancellor of the Exchequer to introduce punitive tax on the use of pleonasms - it's absolutely essential says Alistair Darling
The UK Chancellor of the Exchequer has included a crackdown on overused cliches in the English language in his Budget Statement. A tax will be introduced immediately on all printed literature, emails and Internet sites to eradicate completely the ove...
Read full storyAl Gore: Dinosaurs not Killed by Asteroid!
In an effort to claim another Nobel Prize Al Gore, former inventor of the internet, announced today that asteroids were not the cause of the Cretaceous era extinction. The news came after the discovery of a new species that had been frozen in per...
Read full storyPope to Pedophile Priests: Eat More Fish
Vatican - It appears that Pope Benedict XVI has had an epiphany with regards to the sex scandal that has continued to plague the Catholic Church-lack of fish in a priest's diet can lead to inappropriate sexual behavior toward young men. The Pope h...
Read full storySubsidi-Farm Granted USDA Contract to Develop Seedless Pot
Washington, D.C. - In what was hailed as a "good news, bad news" story today out of Washington, Subsidi-Farm, one of the nation's largest agricultural companies, has been given a federal government contract to develop seedless, irradiated pot, which,...
Read full storyShould Kate Gosselin be Required to Pay Alimony to Jon?
With Kate Gosselin now bringing in a paycheck from appearances on Dancing with the Stars (DWTS), and Jon Gosselin still kicking around with no job prospects, it only stands to reason that he should get some of her money. I mean, let's face it, he has...
Read full storyFull Body X-Ray Leads To Big 'Titters'
London - Police are investigating complaints by a number of female workers at a local airport. Male customs officers asked a number of females to 'try out' the machine simply by standing in it and allowing them to take an X-ray photo. "Cor blimey,...
Read full storyPalace numerologists reschedule Queen's death prediction for 25 March
London - (Portents): The imminent Lady Day demise comes after hundreds of 'extinct' Ghost Orchids suddenly sprouted on the Buckingham Palace lawn in a spooky coffin-shaped formation. "We counted exactly 407 of the critically endangered species," r...
Read full storyRepugnantCans: Masturbating In Public
As the T-bagger protestors swarmed the nations Capitol on Sunday, spitting on African-American legislators and calling Congressman Barney Frank a faggot, Republican legislators cheered them on from the balconies of the building. One of America's...
Read full storyCommon fake global warming boobs, myths and fake tits!
Many years of environmental scaremongering have taught us all to be sceptical about environmental scares. Much of what the media scares us about turns out to be just a load of FAKE TITS!! Here, The Spoof bravely GRAPPLES with these FALSIES head on: BOOB 1: Global temperatures are rising at a rapid, unprecedented rate. NO - Accurate observations where the earth is cooling have not shown an...
Read full storyBoffins Measured Pamela Anderson's Tits in Global Warming Cock-Up
Frantic PETTING and HEAVY BREATHING over global warming is enough to terrify even the most rational retired colonel, and it's all because so-called global warming scientists neglected the real data and obsessed on Pamela Anderson's fake HOT TITS, The...
Read full storyCIA Opens Bitch School for Terror Suspects
GUANTANIMO BAY, CUBA -- The Obama Administration has announced the closing of Camp X-Ray and the opening of a new, cutting edge prison for the detaining, interrogation, and disciplining of terrorists and other petulant monkeys. The facility is cal...
Read full storyHeadlights slow cars down
Most drivers will agree, getting home from work when it's raining takes longer. They will also admit that the same is true when it is dark, foggy or snowing. The Highways Agency got a team of scientists from the University of Bristol to find out w...
Read full storyTaylor Lautner Joining "The Vampire Diaries"?
Apparently, the popularity of Taylor Lautner in the Twilight movies have gotten the notice of TV's popular new "The Vampire Diaries" because the rumor going around is that Taylor Lautner is interested in appearing as a regular. "While I enjoy the...
Read full storyNew Computer Announced
Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The iTit will cost between $499.00 and $699.00 depending on speaker size. This is considered to be a majo...
Read full storyLady Gaga gets a grand set of Gold Teeth
Lady Gaga has now had work done on her teeth and is walking around with a set of Gold Teeth probably to promote the track called TEETH on her MONSTER BALL TOUR. Meanwhile Grand National winning jockey Liam Treadwell has got himself a nice new set...
Read full storySalmond and Sturgeon want to promote fishing industry
Alex Salmond Scotlands First Minister, and Nicola Sturgeon Scotlands Health Minister want to promote the fishing industry in Scotland. Salmond and Sturgeon want to increase Scotlands position in the fishing industry to create more employment. The...
Read full storyLatest Tiger slut Devon James known by her secret 'crotch-stirrer' nickname
Florida - (Hole-in-One Mess): Tiger Woods referred to his slut No 15 Devon James as Ms Crotch-Stirrer after discovering her anagram booking-name is Moved Jeans. "Somethin sure stirred inside them Tiger Levis!" the porn actress's booking agent com...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson gets some advice from a King
Robert Pattinson the actor who was in that Vampire film Twilight is uncomfortable with the fame that has come with success. Pattinson claims he is suffering serious hearing problems because everywhere he goes he is met with the shrieks and screams of...
Read full storyDavid Platt plans to steal Corrie scripts and blackmail Corrie writers and producers
David Platt and Graeme Proctor have spent an entire weekend on Coronation Street, where they think they live, plotting the release of crestfallen Gail McIntyre from prison. Gail is charged with the murder of Joe, her on screen husband, and has bee...
Read full storyChina opens its doors to The Spoof
The people of China woke up today to a whole new world of internet browsing when Google stopped censoring its search results. Immediately hits on porn sites across the globe were up by 1 million per cent as the Chinese celebrated their new found f...
Read full storyKatie Price wants to buy Jordan
Katie Price wants to buy Jordan,not the country Jordan its a racehorse she wants to buy that finished third at Plumpton racecourse a few days ago. Katie had a bet on Jordan together with two other horses Topless and Big Knockers,sorry that should be...
Read full storyFather Ted's Craggy Island Budget
Father Ted's budget is being done today on Craggy Island, the same day as that idiot Alastair Dullthing, who recently finished last in a Father Ted lookalike contest makes his budget on Bankrupt Island. The two main things Father Ted is got to budget...
Read full storyAmerican Idol: Paige Miles Should Be Shown The Exit Door Fo Sho Fo Shizzle My Nizzle
HOLLYWOOD - The American Idol song theme, was songs that have been number one on The Billboard Chart. And like they say in Shanghai, China, Ying chu fu wong su damn yikes!, which means It sho do look like the end of da road fo da last of da sista...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus and Selena Gomez To Co-Star With Nina Dobrev on "The Vampire Dairies"
HOLLYWOOD - The producers of The Vampire Dairies have announced that teen idol singers Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez will be appearing on an upcoming episode. Cyrus and Gomez will appear as Griselda and Gabriela Guggenheim, cousins of the Nina Dobr...
Read full storyThe NFL's Chad Ochocinco Scores Three Touchdowns With Dancing With The Stars Cheryl Burke
HOLLYWOOD - NFL reporters, writers, and critics alike are all in agreement that the Cincinnati Bengals' Chad Ochocinco scored a touchdown, or actually three TDs on Dancing With The Stars. "El 85" danced with the sexy-looking two-time DWTS champion...
Read full storyScientific study reveals why dogs smell each other's butts
It's a question that has plagued people kind for centuries. Why when a simple hello is all that is necessary do dogs feel the need to go straight to the buttocks when they greet one another? It can be extremely embarrassing for pet owners when their...
Read full storyRon Jeremy and Michelle "Bombshell" McGee To Star In The X-Rated Porn Movie "Tongue In Cheek"
LOS ANGELES - Ron Jeremy, aka The Porn King, told Larry King that he will begin filming his next porn movie entitled Tongue In Cheek in two weeks. Jeremy said that his co-star in the G-Spot Production film will be none other than Jesse James' "Tat...
Read full storyWhat Goes Around Comes Around: Eddie Cibrian Cheating On Girlfriend LeAnn Rimes With Ex-Wife Brandi Glanville
WEST HOLLYWOOD - In a classic example of the old Peruvian adage, what goes around comes around, LeAnn Rimes' boyfriend, Eddie Cibrian is cheating on the beady-eyed songstress with none other than his ex-wife Brandi Glanville. And to quote The View...
Read full story"The Gun Chick & The Swizzle Stick" Starring Sarah Palin and Ann Coulter Named TV's #1 News Show
NEW YORK CITY - Fox Vice-President of Program Developing and Implementing Ezekiel Vittleziggle has stated that the Palin-Coulter show The Gun Chick & The Swizzle Stick has just been named the #1 news show in America. Vittleziggle said that GC...
Read full storyProgressives Would Rather Eat Live Spiders Than Trust Obama
(Madison) According to Jones Applied Polling and Education Sciences, more than 90% of self-described American "Progressives" would rather shove live, furry tarantulas into their mouths, chew, and swallow, than trust anything that President Obama has...
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