Glenn Beck Credits Himself for Predicting Recent Wave of Violence

Funny story written by Charpa93

Wednesday, 24 March 2010

image for Glenn Beck Credits Himself for Predicting Recent Wave of Violence

In one of his many "I told you so" moments, Glenn Beck has commented that he is the first one to tell his viewers that violence against the US government by fed up citizens was going to start to happen.

Boasting a 100% accuracy rate, Beck claimed that he is a hundred times better at predicting things than any psychic. "For years, I've been telling my viewers how fed up they are and how screwed they should feel, and now, after this past election, how I thought things were going to get ugly. I was right on the money," he said.

Asked if perhaps the things he's been saying may in some way be construed by his more mentally unbalanced viewers as a "call to action," Beck replied, "Look, I just calls 'em as I sees 'em. I didn't vote the Socialistic Party into power, but now that it's there, I think it is my duty to make people aware of what their futures are turning out to be if they don't do something about the government taking their money and using it any way they want. I only wake them up, I don't put them behind the wheel of an airplane, so to speak."

In fact, just recently Beck was quoted as saying "Get as far away from the revolutionaries as you can" just days after the angry taxpayer flew his plane into a Texas IRS office building. A bold move for a man who has been pounding the message home that Americans are asked to foot the tab for a bigger plate in Washington. Perhaps he didn't think anyone would take a rodeo clown seriously enough to actually "act" on something he said. "When I said we had to take our country back from the evil progressive movement, I didn't really say how. I let people figure that out on their own. After seeing some of this violence though, I guess people might need some guidance from me so I'm preparing a 'Plan' to take back America cause I sure as heck don't want to take the blame for folks misconstruing my good intentions."

And then, as Beck wiped a tear from his eye, he exclaimed "I just want what's good for this country gosh darn it, and sometimes I get a little over-the-top in what I say, but I just want every one of my viewers to understand that no matter how riled up I get them, I don't want them to hurt anyone, not really."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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