Afghan Rebel Complains
Afghan War Lord, Ali Barbara, today poured scorn on British troops by declaring them; "Racist and unfair" In a scathing attack, Ali Barbara said that the British dogs of war were treating his men very badly. "Yesterday, when we cowering behind...
Read full storyThe Cydia Worm Is In The Apple: iPhone 4 Successfully Jailbroken
To absolutely no one's great surprise, the Cydia team has leaked onto Youtube a proof-of-concept video showing a jailbroken iPhone, causing grey-market app sellers to rush to develop some apps. "Our first app is a port of the E.T. game from the At...
Read full storyPattinson, Stewart: No Wedding Plans Until Twilight Is Over
Robert Pattinson has told reporters that once the Twilight series is over and done with, he and Kristen (Stewart) will talk about any wedding plans. Pattinson stated that it was extremely difficult for them to be together anywhere while the "Twili...
Read full storyStudy Suggests Women with Freckles are Less Sexually Inhibited
Researchers in Boston, Massachusetts have concluded a year-long study into the question of whether or not cute-looking women with freckles are less inhibited when it comes to sexual activity than freckle-less, fair-skinned women. The results were...
Read full storyParis Hilton Charges Of Making Nude Video At World Cup, Marijuana Smoking Dropped
A court in South Africa has dropped a Marijuana-smoking charge against Paris Hilton along with a deal over the nude video made during the World Cup in South Africa. Ms. Hilton appeared late Friday in a FIFA World Cup courtroom after being arrested...
Read full storyPosh Spice appointed Creative Director at Range Rover
Victoria Beckham (aka Posh Spice) was appointed Creative Director at Range Rover yesterday, amid much pomp and ceremony. Her new position was announced at a lavish party held to celebrate the brand's 40th birthday, at The Orangery at London's Kens...
Read full storyParis Hilton Follows Brazilian Team to Rio after Loss, Told to Go Home
Bikinis packed, check. Sunglasses packed, check. Ticket to Rio. Check. Invitation to give some much needed consolation to those hunky Brazilian players? Not so fast there Paris. Your flight has been grounded. Feeling bad about her favorite team lo...
Read full storySynonyms For Masturbation For Men
A date with Mrs. Palmer and her 5 slut daughters Auditioning the hand puppet Badgering the witness Beating the fuck out of your best friend Beating the shit out of your incapacitated midget Beating the snot outta Rotney Beating the snotty end of my fuck stick Blueball baseball Calling down for more Mayo Calling in the National Guard to assist you in a strategic crisis...
Read full storyBest firewall Ever
1. One human cell contains 75MB genetic information. 2. One sperm contains a half of that; that is 37.5MB. 3. One ml of semen contains 100 million sperms. 4. In average, ejaculation lasts for 5 sec and contains 2.25 ml semen. 5. This means that the throughput of a man's member is equal to (37.5MB x 100,000,000 x 2.25)/5 = 1 687 500 000 000 000 byte/second = 1,6875 Terabyte/sec This...
Read full storySynonyms For Masturbation For Women
Applying nail polish remover Auditioning the finger puppets Brushing your afro Buttering your bagel Checking for squirrels Checking the foxhole Checking the oil Checking the status of the I/O port Cleaning my fur coat Coaxing the genie out of the magic lamp Defrosting the freezer Dialling the rotary phone Diggin' the stench trench Digging for my keys Doing...
Read full storyThe Budget
The United States federal government collects two and a half trillion dollars in tax revenues a year from people like you, your ex-wife's divorce attorney (at least someone's taking money from that jerk), Colonel Sanders, and Gary Shandling (but definitely not me-because I'm way too smart for those bastards.). If you had that money in hundred dollar bills and put it all into one stack, you'd be...
Read full storySecond coming of Jesus causes anti-Christianity movement
March 27, 2510 - A much-awaited comeback by our Lord and Savior isn't quite having its intended effect. Not long after returning to earth and attempting to bring back what he calls "Real Christianity," religious leader and God Jesus Christ is find...
Read full storyDove Soap Fails to Clean Gulf Coast Governors!
Fish & Wildlife crews armed with Dove Soap failed this weekend to clean the Governors of Mississippi and Louisiana. "I'd rather do twenty pelicans or twelve sharks," said a wildlife worker. "Governor Barbour is so soaked inside and out, it took a...
Read full storyBritain Invades US To Win Back Colonies After 4th Of July Insults
Great Britain has invaded the United States of America in irritation over the glee showed at that nations Independence day festivities and to win back the valuable territory lost in both the Revolutionary War (or the War Of Snotty Comeuppance" as it...
Read full storyDeutschland prove that England weren't so bad after all!
The Germans have done England a massive favour by powering Maradona's "Argie Bargies" out of the World Cup. In fact England can be quite proud of themselves, they scored twice against the Krauts, Messi & Co didn't even bother the German goalke...
Read full storyTrained Chimpanzees discovered teaching in UK Schools
A shocking report this morning, suggested that head-teacher's in UK schools are increasingly using trained chimpanzees as a cheaper alternative to trained teaching assistants. In one particular North London primary school, chimpanzees had been eng...
Read full storyGod Decreeth to Apple: "Droid X July 15, Baby. iPhone 4 Can Suck It!!"
After approximately 4,500 years, God has again allowed humans to hear His voice, when he spoke today to "Anderson Cooper 360" regarding Verizon's upcoming Motorola Droid X, and how He has decided that it will make the iPhone 4 irrelevant. "The Dro...
Read full storyLarry King Suffering from Debilitating Butt, Elbow Spurs
Larry King is finally retiring after 25 years as host of the Larry King Live show to, as he puts it, spend more time with his wife and kids. Sources close to King, however, claim there is more to this retirement than meets the eye. King is sufferi...
Read full storyGermany Gives Argentina Das Boot In World Cup QF
Cape Town SA - Germany really gave Diego Maradona's Argentina side das boot here today, running out easy winners by a 4-0 margin. The Germans powered into the lead with a Muller header from a free kick, and from that point on, the Germans never lo...
Read full storySome Sad News To Report About Roy Hodgson
(MERSEYSIDE, UK) It is with greatest of sadness that we have to report the tragic death of the football management career of the former Fulham FC manager Roy Hodgson who this week signed a contract with Liverpool to become the Merseyside outfit's nex...
Read full storyArgentina Out: Diego Maradona Sticks Vuvuzela Up His Own Arse
ARGENTINA 0 GERMANY 4 - It was the result that nobody expected in the World Cup quarter final between these two footballing giants last night, and after the fourth goal had gone in, the disconsolate Argentine coach Diego Maradona summed up the feelin...
Read full storyMegan Fox Sets The New Trend In Transformers 3
Hot actress Megan Fox, who has just married boyfriend, Brian Austin Green last week in Hawaii, may have set a trend that will help a lot of new performers but hurt others. In Transformers 3, Fox has supposedly been replaced by a model from Victori...
Read full storyAfter Several Dates, Tiger Woods Shocked That Adam Lambert Is Gay
Adam Lambert has been stepping out with a friend whom many Lambert fans recognized from the American Idol show. His name is Drake LaBry and a source tells our reporters, "He's been Adam Lambert's best friend and totally there with him through this wh...
Read full storyLord Mandelson is having second thoughts about his sexuality
Lord Peter Mandelson has anounced a split from his Brazilian male lover "Reynaldo" because he thinks he may have made a mistake for twenty years and could be a heterosexual. After spending a night with the ex TV comedian Michael Barrimore they di...
Read full storyRebranding Hits The Spoof
Public relations experts have moved into Spoof offices in a rebranding exercise. Mark Spoof after whom The Spoof is named holds the opinion that there is a future in a name change and has been considering several suggestions from the PR panel.
Read full storySpoof Vanessa Perroncel story lead to Anna Chapman's outing as a Russian spy say UK spooks
London - (Undercover News): The February 2010 exposé by Spoof writer queen mudder named Chelsea WAG Vanessa Perroncel as a KGB femme fatale. And the shocking revelation may have lead directly to the outing of flame haired Russian Mata Hari Anna Ch...
Read full storyWoodbine stages Queen's Head-on-Plate in July 4 Independence Day celebrations
Toronto - (Right Royal Mess): Republican whorsewhisperers are planning to deliver a terminal dose of the equine blood thinner lasix as a July 4th/Independence Day treat for millions. The medication is used by the Queen on foreign trips amid deep v...
Read full storyIsle Of Wight News - Isle of Wight becomes Isle of Dogs for the Day
Ventnor Youth Centre on Victoria Street went barking mad on Sunday when they hosted their Annual Dog Show, which went down a storm. Dogs from around the island came to take part. From poodles to Bassett hounds. There were three categories up for grabs: best in show, best big dog, best small dog and best unidentifiable breed. Best unidentifiable breed went to Phyllis Broadbottom, 74, of Lucco...
Read full storyStudy Shows Crackheads Prefer Orange Kool-Aid over Cherry by Margin of Two-to-One
In yet another example of the government throwing good money at bad research, scientific researchers in Michigan were given $1.2 million to study which flavors of foods crackheads prefer in order to keep the items stocked at local food pantries.
Read full storyParis Hilton tells judge "Weed all be happier for a toke on African spliff!"
Port Elizabeth - (Hazy Business): The sultry socialite was let off a 1,000 rand - US$128 dollar - fine for skinning up at the Brazil v Holland match. Looking spaced out and very relaxed Hilton pleaded No Contest to possession of approximately 20...
Read full storyMy daughter was molested by a Fox as she slept!
In the latest of incidents showing just how bad those nasty Foxes are, a young single mum has recounted the horrifying story of how her daughter was molested by a Fox in their $70,000 flat in East London. "I was downstairs watching Big Brother whe...
Read full storyBin Laden has been captured
U.S. and British forces captured Bin Laden in a hard to find cave that was infested with cockroaches, which are known to be able to survive nuclear bombs. Osama Bin Laden was in the middle of praying to a toilet when he was arrested. Bin Laden...
Read full storyNew research findings astound medical community
The medical community was rocked last night by the research findings of the University of Lamebridge regarding human health disorders. The studies were conducted over a 20 year period, involving over one million participants. The findings could r...
Read full storyMartian asylum-seeker to be deported
An alien being from the planet Mars, who came to the UK in 2009 as an asylum-seeker, is due to be deported in the next few weeks. Mr Xxrm Shrx, aged 46 Martian years, was an unemployed sand-miner on the barren planet, when he decided he could have...
Read full storySusan Boyle to star in ''Shrek the Musical''
It has been announced today that Susan Boyle, the Scottish singer that shot to fame in 2009 following her audition for 'Britain's Got Talent', is to star in 'Shrek the Musical' The award-winning Broadway stage show is to make it's London debut a...
Read full storyApple: Don't Jailbreak iPad: It'll Only make it Better... We Mean "Void the Warranty." (REVISED Now with extra funny!)
hacksugar beware: Executive dickbags of Apple have strongly stated that iPod and iPad owners are essentially just licensing their operating system, so it is illegal to jailbreak it. "We don't even understand why someone would want to do such a thi...
Read full storyParis Hilton: "No, The Joint Was Smoking Me."
Sources say that Paris Hilton was detained by cops in South Africa, because they suspect she was smoking marijuana. Paris was eventually let go, and no charges will be filed, even though Ms. Hilton handed over a couple joints to officials. Poli...
Read full storyMelissa Etheridge: It Was Better When We Couldn't Marry
Fingernails-on-blackboard singer Melissa Etheridge will no longer French kissing with the vertical lips with her live-in butter gutter,Tammy Lynn Muncher, but Mr. Ethridge had to file legal documents with the court to formally end her relationship wi...
Read full storyWoman Chops Off Finger to Avoid Workplace Safety Meeting
SAN FRANCISCO, California - A cafeteria employee cut off one of her own fingers with a butcher's knife in an "act of desperation" after a co-worker reminded her that 99 days had elapsed since someone had been injured in a workplace accident. "Ever...
Read full storyMark Lowton demands that all Spoof Writers grow BEARDS
Lady Godiva, Spoof Writer, comments on latest news that Editor and Publisher Mark Lowton is demanding that all writers grow beards: "It has just been brought to my attention, actually I read the article, that Mark Lowton is demanding that all Spoof Writers grow beards. I was getting rather hot under the collar as I read the article. I was fit to be tied by paragraph two. The reason I was...
Read full storyMrs Thatcher 'Rooting For Germans'
Former British PM Margaret Thatcher will be joining the rest of the football-loving world tonight, when she sits down in front of her telly to watch the World Cup quarter final match, and the former Tory leader has already 'pinned her colours to the...
Read full storyParis Hilton Questioned by Police after Cup Match
PORT ELIZABETH, South Africa (Rooters) - Paris Hilton was arrested after a World Cup match in South Africa Friday after police spotted an unexplainable bulge in the area of her bra, making her appear to have 3 breasts. Hilton and her friend Jenni...
Read full storySteven Gerrard Sex Scandal Rumours Just Weren't True
Ummm....It appears that Skoob News was actually given duff information regarding the Steven Gerrard sex scandal rumours, which we never elaborated on anyway, because we couldn't be sure. It turns out that Gerrard's wife, Alex, doesn't even have a...
Read full storyNottingham Traffic Altercation
Unpaid reporter Inchcock Chambers reports that his morning, on Parliament Street in Nottingham, outside the Job Centre Plus offices, an altercation over car parking took place. There was the Lord Mayors Jaguar parked, as he was visiting the Ukrain...
Read full storyCamera-Wielding Terrorist Files Suit Against Blackwater Petrol
Dr. Wheelan, a conservation coordinator for the American Birdwatching Association, is filming across the street from Blackwater Petrol's response command building in Louisiana. He is standing in a field when he is approached by a police officer. Officer: "How are you this afternoon, sir?" Wheelan: "Fine, how ..." Officer: "Can I see some identification, sir?" Wheelan (reaching for...
Read full storyDemi Lovato Says She Has Developed A Strange Crush On Jon Gosselin
TARZANA, California - Disney star Demi Lovato has revealed to her very close friend Selena Gomez that she has developed a crush on a much older male. She said that for the past two weeks she has done nothing but think about Jon Gosselin the former...
Read full storyParis Hilton in Police Custody in South Africa on Vuvuzela Bong Charges
Paris Hilton and her entourage were taken into custody when a vuvuzela Hilton was carrying started to smoke and the smell of marijuana emanated from within the horn. Upon seeing the stadium police approach, Hilton passed the makeshift bong to her per...
Read full storyCapello's Philosophy - World Exclusive
There were strong denials from the Football Association that the agreement to continue with Fabio Capello, the Mafia boss, as England manager, was based on non-footballing judgements. The dead cat found in the FA Chairman's bed and the bleeding pi...
Read full storyLetters To The Editor - From Abroad.
Sir, I'd like to complain about the degree of anti-Scottish bias on show in your internet tabloid rag. Scotland is real. It exists, and as we never tire of telling you sassenach bastards; we've got the oil, we gave you television, we gave you the telephone, we gave you tarmac, not to mention Doctor Finlay's Casebook and Andy Stewart's White Heather Club Hogmanay Party Show, Gordon Brown, Dennis...
Read full storyHolland Beat Brazil After 'Halftime Wank'
There were celebrations in Holland last night, as the unfancied Dutch World Cup team overcame the giants of South American football, Brazil, in their exciting 2-1 quarter final in Port Elizabeth. Holland had to come back from being a goal down, an...
Read full storyIrate Fans Demand Refunds Following Boring Uruguay v Ghana World Cup QF
Thousands of irate vuvuzela blowing fans gathered outside the Soccer City Stadium in Johannesburg last night demanding their money back after what will probably go down in history as the most tedious, uneventful World Cup game ever. The game, betw...
Read full storyAshley Cole Done Me In Black Boxers Claims Lap Dancer
Lap dancer Sarah Parnell is claiming that she seduced England left back Ashley Cole and sensuously stripped off his black boxer shorts after taking some pictures on her mobile phone and posting them on Farcebook for posterity. "He loves me does As...
Read full storyParis Hilton Weed Charges Dropped By SA Court
Heiress and internet video starlet, Paris Hilton was yesterday released by a South African special World Cup court after being arrested following the Holland v Brazil quarter final tie in Port Elizabeth. Hilton had been accused of possessing marij...
Read full storyRussell Brand Buys Katy Perry A Solid Gold Diamond Encrusted Vuvuzela
Brit comedian Russell Brand, who shot to infamy after laughing about porking the granddaughter of Manuel out of Fawlty Towers on a radio show with Jonathon Ross* today proved to fiancee Katy Perry that he really has turned over a new leaf. * He la...
Read full storyDorking And Boxhill News - Local Supermarket Introduces Self-Service Checkout Line
A host of civic dignitaries, including the Lord Mayor of Dorking and the President of the Licensed Victuallers Association turned out this afternoon at the new Trashco supermarket on Asda Road to unveil the brand new high tech self service checkout line. Vernon Adcock, the town's first outed gay mayor, looking radiant in a pastel pink suit with matching frilly shirt which he had knocked up on a...
Read full storyMan kicked out of hotel for building killer robots
A tourist named Joseph Snowman was staying at a hotel in Birch Run, Michigan until a guest from Missouri staying in the next room, complained that Mr. Snowman was building killer robots in his hotel room. The Michigan State Police confiscated and...
Read full storyVice President Biden apologies for telling small business owner to "f*ck a tree"
Vice President Joe Biden said he was sorry for telling a dry cleaning shop owner that he "should go f*ck a walnut tree" a few days ago. The store owner was asked by the VP how much cleaning a shirt costs and the answer was given "Just lower ou...
Read full storyPHIL Dedicated on Alcatraz Island
San Francisco CA: The Pelosi Home for Incurable Liberals (PHIL) located on Alcatraz Island was dedicated today by the new Republican US President and California's Republican Governor. Alcatraz Island was employed as a military prison in 1850, bec...
Read full storyGuys From 117 Different Countries Are Lining Up To Date "The $750 Million Woman" Elin Nordegren!
NEW YORK CITY - The soon-to-be rich ex-Mrs. Tiger Woods, Elin Nordegren has confessed to a very close friend that since the announcement that she would be receiving $750 million in her divorce settlement she has received over 13,900 date proposals fr...
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