Written by rfreed

Saturday, 3 July 2010

image for Britain Invades US To Win Back Colonies After 4th Of July Insults
Bastard Americans Making Fun Of Englands Defeat In The Revolutionary War

Great Britain has invaded the United States of America in irritation over the glee showed at that nations Independence day festivities and to win back the valuable territory lost in both the Revolutionary War (or the War Of Snotty Comeuppance" as it is sometimes known as in higher circles)and the War of 1812. An endless barrage of fireworks are shot off at night during this yearly event to symbolize the fight the young nation put up against a European power that they saw as being tyrannical.

"It wasn't that bad." states quasi Prime Minister David Cameron. "OK, we made them cough up a few extra shillings for their damned tea. So what? Now the damn bastards don't even drink it anymore. They refuse to buy our splendid Earl Gray made from our controlled fields in India. Nooooo! They have to have their damned special coffee grown in one of the banana republics they keep under their thumbs in Latin America!"

The festivities are an irritation to many proud British because the Yanks spend a lot of the time thumbing their noses at them. "They think they are so la-de-da great because they knew how to sneak around and shoot us from bushes and trees while we were real men and fought in straight lines and wore uniforms that one could see from satellites in space had they existed then. And they keep playing that damned song about how "we kept a' firin' and the British commenced a runnin' all the way down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico" in that whiny type of Southern hick voice that is so grating."

British war ships have blockaded New York harbor in hopes of winning back that valuable gem that they once controlled. Other sought after valued real estate includes Washington D.C. itself, Philadelphia and Massachusetts, although they are going to let the U.S. keep the ghetto areas. In D.C. plans are made to immediately raze the Washington monument because he started the whole ruckus back in the 1700's and to have all the politicians turned into low paid servants. The chief objective of the Brits is to win back the original 13 colonies and also take such prizes as Florida so as to have a cheaper retirement area than the Bahamas is, Texas because it has oil and a dry climate, California because it has a warm seacoast and sexy, nubile surfer girls in bikinis and Nevada because it has legalized prostitution.

U.S. response to this invasion has been slow due to the shock of having its former ally turn on them so unexpectedly. Negotiations were made to just give the British back New Jersey instead to keep the peace, but this offer was flatly refused. "Just what we need", sniffed Cameron, "an entire area made up of the same lazy working class junk with the same anti authoritarian attitudes that we already deal with in East London and Yorkshire. The only thing New Jersey would be good for is as target practice for our ships. "

Last word has it that both nations are readying their nuclear stockpiles in the possibility of a full blown war. Russia and Red China await the outcome with bated breath to see if they end up being the world's greatest super powers by default..

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
43 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more